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Dear diary,

Today I’m visiting City X Guide and I also had that dream again. You know the one … the one where I am at the DMV, just sitting there forever, for what feels like hours, when, suddenly, I get a raging hard boner. There is no explanation for it because I’m at the DMV and, so, I am surrounded by DMV people (AKA by definition unsexy). But my boner rages on regardless, to the point where it rips through my jeans. And it’s bigger than it is in real life. Much bigger. So big that it nearly takes up the entire room.

Then all of the old ladies who work at the DMV start climbing all over it, massaging it and licking it, every single inch of this giant boner. And they’re loving it. Moaning so loud and screaming with pleasure. Some of them are straddling it grinding back and forth, squirting uncontrollably. Others are at the tip, licking and tickling it. And then a few of them are hanging out on my balls, massaging gently and sucking them.

That’s when my beautiful former stepsister walks in, Rebecca (you know all about her, don’t you, diary?) and she is actually proportionate to my dong, unlike all the DMV hags, who were fairy-sized in comparison. She’s wearing this incredibly sexy tight little red dress. She looks me in the eyes and says, “I have been waiting for this moment since the day I met you.” And she pulls her panties down and hikes her dress up, showing me that beautifully tight, shaved, dripping wet snatch of hers (well, at least that is how I have always imagined it anyway…).

“Are you ready?” she asks, moaning and desperate to have me inside of her, as she inches my penis closer and closer to her vagina. But before she can actually slip it in, I jizz. I bust the biggest load of all time. All over the DMV, splattering the walls like a Jackson Pollock; drenching all the little old DMV ladies; flooding the whole place. Some of the old ladies struggle to swim in my cum. Some of them don’t make it. It’s a disaster. I feel more shame than I have ever felt in my entire life.

When I look over at Rebecca to see her reaction to this mess I’ve made, she is disappearing. Slowly fading from existence. “You blew your chance,” she is saying to me as she dissipates into nothingness, “you blew your chance…” Then my dong quickly shrinks back to its normal, borderline micro-penis size, and I shrink down to the same height as the old DMV ladies, and now I’m struggling to swim in this ocean of my own jizz. I blew my chance and my load, which takes me over.

I try to float, but it’s just to sticky. It pulls me under, and I drown. When I wake up, there is a puddle of sour jizz on my stomach. I usually don’t even bother to get up and clean it. This particular wet dream always makes me feel worthless, like I deserve to be covered in my own filth. So, I go back to sleep and pray it doesn’t happen again.

Weird, right? This dream has been recurring for, I don’t know, 15 or 20 years now. I cannot even convey to you how awful it feels, but it is worse than any nightmare I’ve ever had. And it haunts me. I’m no psychologist or anything, but if I had to make a guess, this dream probably has something to do with my insecurities about being a 37-year-old virgin. One that, mind you, will likely never have sex as long as he lives. Seem like a good guess to you? I don’t know about the little old ladies, though, I haven’t even tried to open that can of worms yet.

If Only I Weren’t Myself…

I wish I could be more like my hero, The Porn Dude. That guy never has trouble getting laid. And when he does bang chicks, I guarantee you he doesn’t prematurely ejaculate as I do in that dream. I bet he has the endurance of a long-distance runner, just screwing the hottest chicks for hours, until the sun comes up and she’s cum like 15 times. But alas, that isn’t in my cards.

The only chance I have at ever getting laid is to order an escort. And I’ve considered it. Almost every day. I just get so nervous, you know? I’m worried that I will bust my nut before anything even happens, and then I’ll still have to pay her, and I will still be a virgin. How awful would that be? But the main point here is that I am very well versed in escort ad and escort index sites. And the one that we will be taking a look at today is called City x Guide.

When I first landed on City x Guide, I was immediately impressed with just how many locales they cater to. So many of these kinds of sites tend to be specialized, offering ads for girls only from one country or region. Or, if they do allow ads from all over the world, it’s often only the biggest cities. So, if you live in a smaller metropolitan area (or, god forbid, a rural area!), you are kind of SOL, as they say.

Enormous List of Locales

But City x Guide seems to have almost everyone covered. Big and small cities alike. And anywhere in the world. From the US to Africa. From Europe to East Asia. No matter where you are, City x Guide will, well, be your guide to the city. Which I suppose is just a fancy way of saying ‘will get your nerdy ass laid!’ Whoops! Sorry, diary … you know I don’t like to use curse words. Oh well, I think The Porn Dude would probably be proud of me, don’t you?

What does not tickle my fancy, however, about City x Guide is the way the site is designed. It’s cluttered, it’s messy, it’s sloppy (traits you might want for sex, but definitely not for web design!). It’s basically just a kind of chaotic list of cities that are divided by State and then by Country as well. The thing is, they are not organized in a very presentable fashion. And there are so many locations to choose from, it’s just dizzying to look at. I spent way longer trying to hunt for my city in this jumbled list than I did picking out the escort that I will probably never build up the courage to call. And that’s definitely not how it should be!

Once I did find my city, I clicked into it and was equally disappointed to see that City x Guide has opted for a sort of Craigslist or Back Page style listing, as opposed to something sleeker, with preview images … something that would make more sense for a site that was designed not to be a general classifieds site, but a site offering ads of call girls. Why wouldn’t you list the ads similarly to how cam girl sites list their models? Thumbnail images, with a few tidbits about them underneath? Oh well, hopefully, the ads are stocked with all the relevant information,

Everything You Need

Clicking into a few of the girls’ ad pages does pleasantly surprise me. I am happy to see that, for the most part, almost every escort has plenty of photos, a comprehensive list of services that they offer and what their expectations are for payment and communication, and contact information. Plus, almost every girl has her pricings listed in her ad as well, which is shockingly rare for escort ad and escort index sites such as this one. So, City x Guide definitely has a leg up over the competition in that regard (as well as, as I mentioned, the huge list of locations!).

In addition to browsing by location and finding the perfect girl to accompany your lonely night, there is also a site menu bar with a few extra options and links. Choose from Live Sex Cams (in case you chicken out like I do every night), Sugar Babies, Meet & Fuck, Phone Sex, and Post Ads. You also have a search bar you can query, a Safe Browsing mode you can toggle on with ease (in case you want to set up a ‘date’ before you get off of work), a Strip Club locater, and an option to login (before you stick your log in).

All in all, I think that City x Guide would definitely benefit from a bit of a makeover. Mostly just in terms of how things are organized … I think they could be a little cleaner and easier to find. However, when it comes to number of locales, number of ads, and amount of info included in ads, it doesn’t get any better than City x Guide. So, hit up the ATM, check this site out, and get yourself some poon tonight!

PornGeek likes CityXGuide

  • Tons of locations
  • Lots of ads
  • Plenty of info/pics in ads
  • Some girls are verified

PornGeek hates CityXGuide

  • Subpar site design
  • Some ads may be fake, so be careful