NordVPN

Nord VPN! If you’re a fan of this site, you should consider using a VPN. If you’re totally unfamiliar with the term, it stands for Virtual Private Network, and it’s essentially a way to secure, anonymize, and protect what you do online so that it can’t be seen by third parties.

Even if you’re not doing anything illegal, your personal and private information will inevitably be leaked if you’re browsing the internet without a VPN. You can think of a VPN like a secured mail service, whereas using the internet without one is like screaming all of your secrets across a crowded room. Even if you’re not talking about anything wrong, you wouldn’t want everyone else to overhear your conversations, right?

So check yourself before you wreck yourself. There are literally hundreds of VPN services available, and they’re incredibly affordable these days, so there’s really no excuse not to take such a basic precaution.

Plus, if you ever download illegal films, TV shows, and music (which I would never recommend doing, of course), a VPN can make sure that your internet service provider and the copyright holders of the content you’re obtaining will never find out.

If you’re telling me you’ve never illegally downloaded media, you’re a liar and a cheat, which means that you probably do something else illegal online. In either case, a VPN should help.

But which to choose? I’ve tried a handful, and the one I eventually settled on was NordVPN. It’s not flashy, but it does everything a VPN should. It offers security and privacy above industry standards. It’s affordable and has a money-back guarantee in case things don’t work out. NordVPN has enough established servers that your connection speed never drops as a side-effect of the added encryption, unlike some other VPNs.

And, above all else, NordVPN does not keep logs of your browsing activity. So many VPNs neglect this basic step, but it really does make all of the difference when it comes to ensuring that your data is truly safe. While other VPN services will encrypt your data and not directly pass it along to third parties, they’ll still store your data, leaving it vulnerable not only to hackers but to government and law enforcement subpoenas.

NordVPN, on the other hand, doesn’t keep any information that you give it for even a second. Hackers can hack NordVPN all they want, and the cops and the FBI can force NordVPN to give up all of the information they have, but if there’s no dirt on you in the first place it’s not really going to have any effect.

Affordable With A Money Back Guarantee

The pricing structure of NordVPN is actually very similar to that of most premium porn sites. You can sign up for a one-month commitment for $11.95, but things get gradually cheaper the longer you commit. If you can pay for three years in advance, you’ll only be paying three bucks a month, which is hardly anything for all of the peace of mind that NordVPN offers.

When it comes to actually making payment, NordVPN offers more flexibility than pretty much any site I’ve ever seen. You can pay via credit card, Amazon Pay, and a few different Cryptocurrencies, as well as five other third-party payment services that I’ve never even heard of.

Plus, if for whatever reason things don’t work out or you change your mind, NordVPN offers a 30-day money-back guarantee, no matter what term you signed up for or how you paid.

Always Use Protection

Setting up NordVPN is a breeze. Just download the app for each of your devices, click through the prompts, and soon enough you’ll be protected. I was distracted with porn while I was setting it up, and I managed to get things done in just a few minutes.

Though, now that I think about it… maybe I should have set up NordVPN before I went to those sites. Whoops. Oh well, hoping nobody noticed that time. At least from now on, I’ll be safe.

Your NordVPN subscription covers up to six devices, and they have apps for Windows, Android, macOS, iOS, Android TV, Linux, and the Chrome and Firefox web browsers, so make sure you stay protected wherever you go. In each case the set-up is straightforward, so if you leave yourself open to attack on any of your devices you really don’t have anyone to blame but yourself.

If you somehow do manage to run into trouble with installation or setup, NordVPN does offer a self-help database and 24/7 live support chat. I didn’t have any problems with the VPN service itself, but I dropped in to see if they could help me with some of the personal problems that my therapist wouldn’t touch. The man on the other end was very sympathetic but said he couldn’t do anything for me. At least that’s more than I get from my family.

Unrestricted Privacy and Security

Once you’ve got Nord VPN up and running, you can finally browse the internet freely. You don’t have to worry about the CIA finding out about all of the Russian scat porn featuring an oddly-orange man that you’ve been downloading, nor do you have to worry about the FBI discovering that you’ve been progressively searching for younger and younger pornstars as time goes on.

If you use the VPN at work, you’ll be safe from the prying eyes of your boss and your IT people. I agree, despite what they say it is none of their business if you want to masturbate at the cash register when there aren’t any customers in the store, so make sure your VPN is up and running then look both ways before you pull your dick out.

You can even use VPNs to prevent other people who have gained access to your network from snooping on your browsing activities. No longer will mommy be able to see that her precious baby boy spends hours a day looking at incest porn. Though now that I think about it, that kind of puts a wrench in my plan. She was supposed to find out what I do then realize that she was also into it before putting on some sexy lingerie and walking down into my room to say “Hey, sonny, want to make those fantasies a reality?”

Oh well. The benefits of NordVPN still outweigh that one negative. Maybe I’ll just leave some incest porn open on my screen and hope for the best.
NordVPN has loads of security features, too. It ensures that your private and personal data is protected from your internet service provider, hackers, and government agencies by using military-grade encryption technologies. Normally, every bit of data that you see online goes through your ISP for their viewing pleasure, whether it’s a recipe for chocolate chip cookies or Brazilian fart porn. But Nord VPN anonymizes this traffic, meaning they’ll never be able to find out what you’re looking at or where you’re looking at it.

Even if you trust your ISP, a VPN is still worth doing. ISPs get hacked all the time, and when they do any encrypted data that you’ve sent them will be vulnerable. This includes not only your internet habits but banking information and credit cards, and if mommy finds out that you made her card numbers get stolen she might cut you off from your porn subscriptions

NordVPN even has ad-blocking cybersecurity features built-in. Not only will this stop the malicious ads that are trying to infect your devices with viruses, but it will also hide the pop-up ads that plague and inconvenience you.

Pretty much every VPN service claims to offer all of these privacy and security features, but NordVPN takes things to the next level with what it calls Double VPN. Basically, all of your data is anonymized through a single VPN like normal, but then this encrypted data is again further anonymized by a second VPN, which completely obliterates any remaining trace of metadata that may have existed. It removes any possibility of data sneaking through, ensuring that you’re completely safe and protected.

It’s like using two condoms at once. Except… I’m now being told that that doesn’t work. Do not use two condoms at once. Use NordVPN’s Double VPN instead.