Kabine Das Novinhas

KabineDasNovinhas! I’m starting to like Brazil. I don’t really know anything about the country, or its culture, or what exactly there is to do there, but over the past few years, I’ve been falling in love with its people. Or, to be more specific, its young women—but let’s be honest, those are the only people that matter, right?But it’s hard to find Brazilian porn on most websites. Sure, all of the big tube sites have a handful of Brazilian pornstars, but these tend to be professional videos focusing on girls with gigantic fake asses. And while there is a time and a place for fake asses (most notably slightly after midnight in my bedroom), most of the time I prefer something a bit more real.Like young amateur girls that I have absolutely no chance of ever meeting in real life—not only because they live in Brazil, but because the kind of girls I like to would never give me the time of day. But I’ve finally found something even better than being ignored by beautiful women in real life—masturbating to their pictures on Kabine das Novinhas.For those of you who don’t speak Portuguese (and are too lazy to use Google Translate), Kabine das Novinhas translates directly to “Cabin of Young Women,” though I’m fairly sure the connotation is slightly less rapey and creepy than that in the original language. As much as I enjoy the fantasy of having a cabin in the woods filled with (totally willing) women who bend to my every sexual whim, I think a more accurate translation would probably be something like House of Young Women. Still hot, but slightly more consensual.In any case, if the title didn’t make things clear, it’s an amateur porn site. What sets it apart from the competition, though, is the fact that unless you’re Brazilian, I would bet all my money (which is a bit over twenty dollars, since mommy gave me my allowance early this week) that you’ve never seen any of these videos.When you watch as much porn as I do, the tried and true sites start to get a bit stale. I masturbate faster than new videos can be made, so the same videos tend to pop up over and over. Sure, I don’t mind jerking it to the classics more than a few times, but it starts to get a bit stale when XHamster, PornHub, and RedTube are all recommending the same amateur videos day in and day out.But that problem disappears when I’m on Kabine Das Novinhas. These videos are real amateur sex tapes uploaded by real Brazilian men, women, and couples, and nearly none of them have made it off the site. I guess this is why people like to travel—to get a change of scenery, and to broaden their horizons—but why bother actually traveling when I could just get the main advantages by jerking off to Brazilian amateur porn? I’ll never understand people.

How You Know It’s Real

Some websites purport themselves to be a repository of leaked amateur content, but actually just use that to make themselves seem forbidden and naughty. It’s hot to think that you’re masturbating to a video that the cutie who made it told their boyfriend not to share with anyone, but the sketchy legality of hosting that type of content means that more often than not, it’s all just a fictional set-up designed to make you feel like you’re violating her rights.That’s not the case with Kabine Das Novinhas. I know this for a fact because the very first item on the navigation bar is a link to request the removal of any illegal or unwanted content. The page, after being translated, says that if you are the owner of any of the porn found on the site, or if you know that any of the girls appearing on Kabine Das Novinhas are minors, you are urged to contact them and immediately request the removal of the offending pictures and videos.The fact that they put so much effort into protecting themselves against legal action shows that this porn is sourced exactly how it claims to be. The punishments for hosting revenge porn and other illegal materials are pretty severe, and Kabine Das Novinhas recognizes this. Which, somehow, makes the content even hotter. If none of their videos were skirting the law they wouldn’t give this section so much prominence, so you can browse the site knowing that a lot of the content is totally illegal, but just hasn’t been caught yet. Hot.

A Carnal Carnival

Before I start to complain, let me get one thing out of the way. As I said before, these videos are unique—you’re not going to find them anywhere else. They’re also incredibly hot, almost without exception. Any website that hosts content this good is worth visiting, regardless of any other shortcomings.Keep that in mind while I tear apart the rest of the site. To be blunt—it sucks. But despite that, I visit Kabine Das Novinhas on a regular basis, so just know that that’s how good the porn is.You have a few ways to browse the content, and none of them work that well. The home page lets you scroll through the several hundred pages of content, which appear in some unintelligible order. You get a few words of a title, view count, and a single thumbnail. You can’t sort or filter the videos from here at all.If you click on a video, you can also just to other related videos, or click on one of the tagged categories. The tags usually don’t do much do describe the content (come on—Brazilian as a tag applies to 99% of the videos here, so what’s the point?), and there’s no actual page on the site that lists all of the categories. There’s also a search function, which theoretically searches the titles, tags, and video descriptions, but since the site is in Portuguese, you’re pretty much shit out of luck unless you happen to speak Portuguese, or are so in love with Kabine Das Novinhas that you learn the language just to improve your masturbating experience.If that wasn’t enough, the ads on the site are infuriating. I have a reputable ad-blocker installed on my web browser, but despite those precautions, I’m assaulted with a pop-up nearly every time I click through to a new page. There’s also a big banner ad at the top of the main page and ads for other porn sites on the sidebar. And to make matters worse, at least half of the navigation bar links don’t actually link to parts of Kabine das Novinhas—they’re just more hidden ads.Aside from the link to the main page and the disclaimer about removing content, only one will actually bring you to a part of Kabine Das Novinhas—and guess what? It’s a page to buy ad space. It’s clear where their priorities lie.That being said—the link in the navigation bar titled Melhores Sites (“Best Sites”) brings you to an incredibly comprehensive listing of the best porn sites of all kinds. And the guy who runs it is kind of cute—I mean, seems like a totally cool, manly bro. The other ads might be a waste of time, but this one is definitely worth clicking on.But everyone has to make a living, so the ads somewhat understandable. I’d rather have this than a site that costs so much money that I’d need to cut down on my sex doll budget to join it. If the porn wasn’t so good, I would absolutely hate this site. It commits every cardinal sin of porn site design. If it wasn’t for the fact that I could click on a video at random and have a ninety-nine percent chance that what I found would be an amazingly sexy amateur video that I’ve never seen before, I would never recommend this site. But, instead, it’s one of my favorite porn sites of all time. I guess it’s true that beauty does matter. Maybe that’s why my life has been such a failure.