Plus One 8! Every ten years I get an invite to my high school class reunion. I’ve never gone, because everyone used to be a jerk to me and they’re still mean to me. The RSVP card always asks if I have a Plus One, and I know it’s because they still want to rub my virginity in my face. It’s been a long time since that bucket of pig’s blood on prom night, but I’ll be damned if I fall for another one of their cruel tricks.Plus One to go hang out with all the jocks who beat me up and the hot sluts who gave me blue balls? Fuck that! I’m going to stay home and aim my dick at PlusOne8, a free tube full of hardcore videos of redheaded facials, lesbian pussy sucking, and teenage POV blowjobs. That’s a much better value than sentimental bullshit with the hometown shit-heads.All the homecoming kings and queens from my class are old and wrinkly, with saggy balls and tits. Not so with the fresh whores and pornstars on PlusOne8.com, which is itself nice and young. The domain was registered in 2015, making them a new entry into the world of free anal streaming action. They get 6 million views a month, putting the cool kid clique to shame.
A Spam Minefield in a Sex Tube
This site has the standard wall-of-porn layout you see on just about every free sex tube. Beneath a simple header with a stern warning (“Only For 18 Years Or Older!”) are screenshots of stepsisters sucking cock and MILFs getting fucked up the asshole. Newest clips are up first by default, and it looks like they update with a constant, steady stream of hardcore filth.Thumbnails show a moving preview when you hover over them, but the info on the front page is minimal: name, length, and a percent rating. This romantic lesbian pussy game with Adriana Chechik only has a 52%, which means nearly half of you are fags or just have no taste. What the fuck? At least people are using the thumbs up, thumbs down buttons; on some sites, every video is 0% or 100% because nobody uses the feature.Be really fucking careful where you click! I got hit with a couple of pop-ups within a minute of landing on the site, courtesy of a misplaced cursor. Every slight deviation will give you a full-screen pop-up for some bullshit malware. The ads overall seem more malicious than your typical penis pill attack, with lots of “Official Microsoft Warnings” and shit like that. The elderly and computer retarded will be at risk of identity theft.The aggressive spam doesn’t give the best first impression, but I like what I’m seeing for the clip lengths. A few of the clips look like samples clocking in at around 7 to 10 minutes, but it looks like the majority of them are full-length fuck scenes. I’m talking 25 minutes of doggy style, 40 of interracial threesomes, and outdoor British gangbangs that keep partying for a rock-solid hour.
Watching Free Porn with Numbing Foot Cream on My Dick
My mom has been getting a lot of pain in her bunion-riddled feet, so I have to spend a good hour every morning rubbing a mentholated topical anesthetic ointment all over them while she watches her stories. I try to zone out and think about anime golden showers, but the other day as I lost feeling in my hands, I had an even better idea: why don’t I rub some of this shit all over my dick and see if it numbs the overly sensitive little guy enough to watch a full teacher titty fuck without popping 12 seconds in?I had my little joystick all lubed up with that stuff and clicked the thumbnail of the naughty brunette bent over her own desk in a classroom. I got a pop-up for Bing, of all things. I feel like there must be some kind of scam at work here, or else Microsoft has fallen on some seriously hard fucking times. I did a quick search for all my credit card numbers, but everything came up fine.As soon as I hit Play, I saw a pair of sexy lips on the screen telling me this is a Naughty America scene. Well, not as soon as I hit Play. I actually had a lot of buffering. Even though the video is grainy enough that I could instantly tell it’s not HD, the disembodied blowjob mouth stuttered through the introduction.The big-titted bimbo playing the teacher stumbles through her detention speech, but she sounds a lot better than the disinterested drunks I had back in school. The cream on my dick isn’t doing what I expected, and my erection is starting to burn. I’m watching this troubled youth banging the teacher’s boobies, and I don’t want to miss the cumshot so I try to hit Pause. Instead of stopping, the site just vomits up another giant pop-up for some software that will certainly give my computer AIDS.
A Sad Time at the Porno Machine
I had to take a shower to get that goddamn fire ointment off my cock. When I came out of the bathroom, I found my mom had assembled a bunch of extended family to congratulate me. The last time I bathed was a little more than a year ago, so this was something of a milestone for me. They didn’t want to shake my hand or anything, but I had important work to do anyway.Down in my basement lair, I would back to work, studying the inner workings of PlusOne8. I felt like The Porn Dude as I poked and prodded, trying to find what was good and what was bad about the site. I’m sure it all comes more naturally to him, but I was in the "slow" class as a kid.I tried to get back to that teacher titty fuck movie, but I got tired of seeing spam erupting from the same fucking scene. Even with a good plug-in to knock these things down, you still risk an intrusive ad any time you touch the video controls.The spam gets in the way of your masturbatory enjoyment at every single step of the way. I went to the Big Ass section and got a pop-up for live streams on the way. I clicked my way to a Jules Jordan scene called Want to Fuck Blondes Wet Pussy and Boobs and they tried to sell me supplements that would make me more of a man. I already tried them, and they wouldn’t honor their refund policy when they didn’t work!Once the video starts, it’s the same story. There is a grainy slut getting her giant, grainy breasts groped in a grainy fishnet outfit. There’s no way to adjust the video resolution, but I get the feeling they would just scale up the pixels. It’s not an HD rip to start with.
Looking an Erotic Gift Horse in the Mouth
My girlfriend got kind of a bad attitude recently when I bought her a knockoff perfume at the drugstore instead of dropping a couple of bills on the real thing. I told her she was being pretty uppity for an anime princess body pillow, and that she shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe I should take the same attitude toward PlusOne8.I mean, sure, there’s so much spam that you’re going to spend half of your visit closing advertisements for WebCam sex shows and straight-up phishing attempts, but on the other hand, how much is it costing you? Are you inserting coins at the library for every minute you shake your crooked, withered member at the screen? This shit is free, which is a damn good price for airtight Asians and deflowered teens.(The cartoon section, however, is a crock of fucking shit. They’ve only got three hentai movies, which isn’t nearly enough for a goddamn neckbeard weaboo like me.)Honestly, yeah, that spam is going to be a fucking dealbreaker. The videos aren’t even in HD, and there are plenty of free tubes that offer the good shit with far less hassle. I guess PlusOne8 might be worth a look if you’re trying to track down some pirated paysite shit that none of the other spam tubes have, but for a casual wank, it’s just not worth the trouble.