There are so many dating sites out there that its easy for a bachelor like me to get overwhelmed. There’s Tinder, but it’s filled with thots trying to steal my virtue, so I haven’t tried that. I heard that Bumble is ok, but the girls have to message you first there, and my dad said I’m much too ugly for anything like that to work.I tried Grindr a few months ago, but I had a few problems with it. For some reason the girls there were all really tall, and I’m not really into girls bigger than me. And then there were so many guys, and they all kept making comments about what they wanted to do to my butt. It scared me off, so I deleted the app. I did make a friend before I got rid of it, though, and I think I’m going to go over to his house. He wants to play some kind of role-playing game, and he said he thinks I’d make a good bottom, whatever that is. Oh well, I love games, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it.I saw on one of the forums that I frequent that guys who have trouble getting girls normally should try a site called Seeking Arrangement. He didn’t really specify, but he did say that he’s been hooking up with tons of poor college girls ever since he signed up. I’m not sure why I would want somebody desperate like that, but since I’ve been dying to have sex lately I thought I’d check it out.Let me warn you before you follow me, though. This site will cost you money in more ways than one. Not only do you have to pay a lot of money to unlock most of the features (ninety dollars per month just to send messages!), but if you take the Sugar Daddy route (read below) a lot of the girls seem to want more money from you for some reason that I haven’t quite figured out yet.Still, I think this might be where I find my one true love. So I bit the bullet, borrowed mommy’s Visa, and went in. I didn’t ask first, but I’m sure when I introduce her to my perfect girlfriend she won’t be mad.
When you create an account, the site will ask a few questions to help put you in the right place. After inputting your gender and if you want to meet with men, women, or both, they’ll ask you the first difficult question: are you looking for someone with looks and charm or someone with success and wealth?Mommy has always told me that I deserve the universe, so I tried to pick both. Why should I settle for a woman that isn’t both attractive and rich? But they wouldn’t let me. Even after putting up a big fuss and trying to tell the guy on the phone that they should make a special exception for me, I chose success and wealth. I figured that would get me more of a mommy-type girl.Next up is your username—I went with LittleKidLover because I’ve always wanted children, and I felt that this was the best way I could make that known right off the bat. Next is your age and location, then they ask you to describe your appearance.I might have fibbed a little here. They expect guys to do that on these kinds of sites, right? So I went ahead and said that I was a 5’4 with “a few extra pounds.” That’s only off by half a foot and a couple of hundred pounds, and these girls are going to be so overwhelmed by my cool personality that they won’t even notice.Next is some more demographic information, then they get to the really important stuff. This question rocked my world “What are you seeking?” I’m not sure it was meant to be deep and existential, but I haven’t thought about my life trajectory that seriously in years. Don’t worry, I pulled up some porn and jerked off until the thoughts went away, so I’m fine now.But then I actually had to answer the question. I went with “I'm looking for someone who can provide a luxury lifestyle,” because I know that I deserve the best in life. I’m so excited for somebody other than my mom to provide that for me… though I’ll probably swing by to see her every once in a while even after I have replaced her.
I Could Be A Sugar Baby!
As it turns out, I signed up to be something called a “sugar baby.” I wasn’t familiar with the term, so I asked daddy. He said it’s basically a hooker that doesn’t want to be called a hooker. That didn’t sound right, so I Googled it, and he was way off. It’s just a young cute person who hangs out with older people for money. That sounds like me, so I think I’m on the right track.But when I messaged some older women, they didn’t seem to like me. I wasn’t having a lot of luck. I talked to a few and even invited one over to cook me some tendies when mommy was out, but she didn’t want to. I even said I would do it for free, but she still refused.A couple of them were turned off by my go-to compliment, too. I told at least twenty women that they’re as beautiful as my mommy, but not a single one reacted positively to it. I’m not sure what’s wrong with them. Maybe being a sugar baby isn’t all I thought it would be.Still, I wasn’t about to let this get me down. I went into my sister’s room, and after she yelled at me for not knocking and seeing her in her underwear, asked her what she thought. She said that a friend of hers was a sugar baby, and it worked out great for her.Basically, what she would do is use Seeking Arrangement to flirt with older guys, then charge them a few hundred bucks to go on a dinner date. I asked if she ever had sex with them, and she said that her friend did a few times, but that it was completely unrelated to the payment. She just did it because they were nice guys.Hmm. I’m a nice guy, so maybe I should be a sugar daddy instead! I tried to ask my sister which of her friends it was so I could ask her a few more questions, but she got really embarrassed and said I didn’t know her.
Or Even A Sugar Daddy
I ended up deleting my account after my failed attempt and being a sugar baby and decided to sign up again but this time saying that I’m looking for someone with looks and charm. After filling out all of the same information (but changing my body type to athletic just in case), I was back on the prowl.The girls weren’t quite my type this time. They just didn’t have the age and elegance I prefer. That being said, I’ll let pretty much anyone that’s willing touch my cock if they want to, so I messaged everyone that was online.Again, I wasn’t having much luck. They all said that I wasn’t their type, even after I offered more and more money. I even got called a liar! This one girl said that if I’m going to lie about my height and weight I “shouldn’t use a profile picture that makes it obvious that you’re actually a dwarfish obese neckbeard.” But the jokes on here, I’m at least an inch taller than being medically considered to be a dwarf, and this is just baby fat. Once I hit 30 it’s all going to fall off, and then she’ll be sorry she didn’t snag me when she could.Still, despite these setbacks, I think I’m going to keep using Seeking Arrangement. I’m sure I’ll find the girl for me soon.Woah. That girl there looks a lot like my sister… I think I’m going to message her.