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EroProfile Scat
EroProfile Scat! Everybody poops, so says the famous piece of literature that just so happens to be one of the last books that I read. You poop, I poop, daddy poops—even mommy poops, no matter how hard she tries to convince me that he doesn’t.
And even beautiful women poop. Pornstars poop. So why not film and photograph them when they poop? It would be wasteful not to, right? It’s not like I get off on the total humiliation and animalistic nature of it, it’s just… the reasonable thing to do. It’s not like the smell of public bathrooms and porta-potties gives me the unbreakable desire to masturbate, it’s just a total coincidence that whenever everyone else turns up their nose at the smell of shit, I have to excuse myself to rub one out.
Yep. I don’t like scat porn at all. But… if you do, I won’t judge, so I took one for the team and went over to EroProfile’s scat section to see what kind of shit I could find.
Films Of Feces and Pics of Poop
The main section where I spent most of my time on EroProfile’s scat pages was the video tab found in the navigation bar up top. I really love that you can combine the niches here: only a few are directly scat related (scat and male scat), but you can also combine the vanilla porn categories to further refine your poop-porn. If you’re only interested in amateur Asians shitting, then you’ll get there with a few clicks. The same is true if you only want fat black women shitting—though in my opinion, the delicate dumps of a Japanese woman are far more refined. If you click through niches while in the “Videos Home” tab you’ll see every video within a certain niche; while doing the same in “Popular Videos” or “Fun Videos” will allow you to filter through a smaller sub-selection of scenes. Unfortunately, you can’t sort the videos at all, though—so once you narrow things down, it’s up to you to find the good stuff. Don’t let me down, soldier. The Photos section is mostly the same, except, you inexplicably can’t combine filters. You can either look at scat photos, male scat photos, or some non-scat related niche (you fucking weirdo), but you can’t check them all out at once. They’ve got the same split here, where everything is in either Photos Home, Popular Photos, or Fun Photos, but the inability to combine filters makes the lack of sorting even more damaging here. Sure, it’s hard to go wrong with a picture of a girl who just lost control of her bowels, so the pics section is still worth visiting, but it’s an inexcusable omission. Oh, and the mobile site works great. Here’s a hot PornGeek approved tip: use EroProfile scat while you’re on the toilet, so you can shit and jerk off while you watch other people shit. It really adds to the immersion, and makes it seem like you can really smell the video. Oh, wait, that’s me.A Crapshoot Of Dating
After I blew my load (and dropped off a load in the bathroom), another section caught my eye—dating! Sure, I haven’t had any success dating in the real world, despite the fact that I’ve approached countless beautiful women and offered them an orgasm of a lifetime, but I felt that dating on Eroprofile might be different. Scat-lovers can’t be picky, right? They’re bound to see my interest and decide that they’ll settle despite the fact that I’m about ten items away from their ten-item checklist for a perfect man, right? So after eating a microwave burrito to fill my bowels up for round two, I decided to check it out. After filling in my profile, I started my search for the perfect woman: white, shorter than me (which narrowed things down quite a bit), about a third of my weight (which didn’t narrow things down at all), brown hair, brown eyes, big tits, and a nice hairy pussy. You know, a girl like mommy—except… not mommy. That would be wrong. Never mommy. I got a few hits, and messaged them all—well, I tried to message them all, but as a free member, you’re only allowed to send out ten private messages per day. So I messaged ten. None of them responded, but that’s probably just because they were so shy and overwhelmed by my gallant introduction (“Hey baby, let me shit on your chest?”) that they passed out on the spot. I’m sure tomorrow morning I’ll wake up to each and every one of them begging to come to fuck me. But please, ladies, there is more than enough to go around. Wait your turn, I’ve got more than enough shit inside me for all of you. There’s a Chatroulette-style random webcam chat function, too. Be warned, though—this is shared with the entire EroProfile site, not just the scat function, as I found out quickly. I was having a lovely conversation with the cutest young girl. She had deep green eyes, auburn hair, and freckles. We talked for about an hour, and she seemed to be falling for me. She had the cutest laugh, and she was into all of the same weaboo nerd shit that I am. I think, for the first time ever (that I didn’t have to pay for), I had feelings for a woman that were being reciprocated. For the first time in my life, I was in love with somebody who didn’t actively despise me. And then I asked her if she wanted to come over so she could shit in my mouth. I’ll never forget the look of terror that immediately came over her face, or the heartbreak that I felt as she gagged and disconnected her webcam. Oh well. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.A Shitload Of Membership Benefits
EroProfile has a link in its navigation bar titled “Goldmember,” which, unfortunately, isn’t a link to stream the 2002 Austin Powers film with the same title. Though, it is the next best thing—this is Eroprofile’s name for their premium membership plan. They advertise a price of 8.95 euro per month. Since I am a proud and ignorant American, I had to use google to find out that that works out to just under ten dollars a month—a reasonable price. And, unlike how many sites will advertise the price that you’ll get for a long-term membership, while the month-to-month plan usually ends up costing double or triple that price, that’s actually as high as EroProfile’s rates get. Three months will only cost you about twenty USD, and the price gets even better when you get up to half a year for about thirty dollars. And if you’re really wanting to dive head first into the lovely chocolate toilet bowl that is Eroprofile Scat, you can even sign up for a full year for just about forty dollars—close to what four months would cost at the already affordable monthly rate. It doesn’t unlock any extra videos or photos, but it does bolster the dating portion of the website by allowing you to send up to one hundred messages each day, view certain statistics about who is viewing your profile, and even enter private webcam chats with other members. But, despite those advantages, when I signed up I had no better luck than before. Maybe it’s the fact that even people into scat don’t want to see a five foot two, three hundred pounds nerd with a three-inch dick shit himself, but if you’re less like PornGeek and more like ThePornDude you may have better luck. Or maybe I just need to wait a few more weeks. That’s probably it. In any case, I’m not upset that I became a Goldmember. Even if nobody is interested in dating me, I’ve been able to flash my cock over webcam at some unwilling viewers, and that’s been enough reward for me. And, if at some point the therapy starts to work and I stop being attracted to people taking shits, then I’ll still be happy (in this lone area of my life, at least), because my Gold membership will also apply to the rest of Eroprofile. They’ve also got piss porn, pregnancy porn, and even straight-up normal porn (if you’re into that), so don’t be afraid of signing up just because you still think you might return to normalcy at some point in your life.- Hot shit—literally
- Affordable premium plan
- Impossible to sort videos
- Free dating section is very limited
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