PornHub/PornForWomen

My mom is such a mean, fat-ass bitch. This morning she was tearing into me about how I’ll “never get a girlfriend” and “never move out of the house” because I “never even try to talk to women.” That’s such fucking bullshit. I’ve been in a committed relationship for a couple of years with my anime princess body pillow. Not only that, but I’ve been watching the Porn for Women section at PornHub to learn how to make the bitches happy.You’re already familiar with PornHub.com, right? It’s the king daddy of free porn tubes, so there’s a good chance it’s already part of your regular lunchbreak masturbatory routine. If you just got out of prison or finally left the comfort of your Unabomber-style wilderness shack, check out my review of the site on The Porn Geek. Today, I’m focusing on their selection of movies aimed at the fairer sex.

Porn for Women, Not the Same as Porn for Fags

First things first, I want to assure everyone that I’m not a huge fag just because I’m looking at the lady’s porn section. I’m a genuine, super-macho, hella-masculine dude. I like to think of myself as an aspiring version of The Porn Dude, only with a micropenis, a neckbeard, crippling social anxiety, and terrible hygiene. I’m manly as hell. I don’t do any kind of girly woman shit like use lotion, clean my room, prepare food more complicated than mayo sandwiches, or bathe.Anyway, woman porn ain’t the same as fag porn. PornHub’s collection of Porn for Women includes plenty of incestuous threesomes, teen asses stuffed with dildos, pussies squirting in cars, and beautiful lesbians masturbating together while their female viewers do the same. And male viewers, too. The only remotely gay thing I see on the front page is a guy cumming all over himself while a girl pegs him with a strap-on.(Yeah, yeah, I get it. You’re not gay just because you want a simulated penis shoved deep up your butt, massaging your totally straight prostate. Same with your love of shemales, right? Don’t blow up my email box about it, you completely heterosexual stud.)

What the Fuck is Porn for Women?

So what exactly are the criteria for inclusion in this collection of porno movies for broads? The various lady porn sites around the Internet seem to have different definitions of what women want. Some seem to think it’s bright lighting and soft focuses, while others strip out the rough sex and replace it with romance. Other women porn sites keep the hard stuff, but give the sluts more control. I’ve seen other sites where it seems like all they did was make the background pink to lure dumb chicks.PornHub’s definition is perhaps a little vaguer, but it may also be the most accurate. Basically, what they’ve done is crunch some numbers about who’s watching what on their site. The fuck flicks in their Porn for Women stash are literally the most popular movies on the site with their female viewers.No other site specializing in female porn has anywhere close to the 10 million viewers a day PornHub is pulling, nor do any have such a massive collection size to pull from. They are in a unique position to tell us what girls really like in porno without just making it up. The full archive of smut on the site is over 9 million videos, whittled down by horny broads into the nearly 15,000 movies in the Popular With Women section we see today.That may be why there’s such a wide range here. A stack of tags above the thumbnails lists some of the sub-genres frequently combined with Popular With Women. Lesbian, Pussy Licking, and Big Dick are on the list, no surprise, but it also turns out ladies are really into Threesomes, Rough Sex, Creampies, Double Penetration and Gangbangs.Shit. Women like gangbangs. I’m such a huge fatty that I probably count as like 3 dudes, but maybe I should see if I know anyone who would smash a broad with me. I don’t have any friends I actually see or hang out with, but I do “know” a bunch of anime fans on Reddit. Maybe we can all shave our neckbeards, maybe lift weights and get all swole, meet up at a con or something and hammer some cosplay chick. Everyone needs to watch the hell out PornHub’s Porn for Women section to get tips and we can make this happen!

Let’s Watch Dirty Movies (for Women)

PornHub is the biggest and best porn tube for a number of reasons. They’ve got a huge selection of porn to jerk off to, and the site just works. It’s not easy to serve up millions of dirty movies, but they’ve spent years building a system that can do it efficiently, with minimal bullshit between you and the absolutely vile filth you’re trying to get off to.I did get a pop-up for live cams as I clicked my way to today’s most popular clip with the bitches. It’s an 18-minute compilation of the Top 10 Real Movie Penetration Sex Scenes. It auto-plays without buffering at 720P, though lo-fi options are available.It’s a full-featured player because they’ve spent a lot of time and money developing it, kind of like me and the sex robot I’m building out of old Gundam models, a broken Fleshlight and a couple of Walkman motors. The Hotspots feature shows you exactly which points in the video are getting the most masturbatory viewing. It turns out people really like the beach fucking scene from the movie Sarima Marina Borealis 2.It’s funny that the title claims these are scenes from “Real Movies”, but they only include arty foreign films that nobody has heard of except art fags and women. Oh, hey! I get it now! That’s probably why this clip is in the Popular with Women section! They love boring art films!

Like If U Wanna Fuck My Ass!

If you’re not using your browser’s built-in porn-viewing mode (“Incognito”), the PornHub cookie keeps pretty good track of what you’re into anyway. Next time you hit the site, they’ll start suggesting shit very similar to what you cranked it to before. Signing up and logging in gives you a couple more ways to customize your experience.The Like and Dislike buttons work without logging in, but you’ll need an account to click that heart and add a Favorite. The same goes for adding it to your own custom porn playlist or interacting with the peanut gallery down in the comment section. There’s some knucklehead below this video offering his own amateur porn, and some troll with a pretty avatar saying, “Like if u wanna fuck my ass!” She’s got 140 likes.One of the top videos in PornHub’s Popular with Women area is a 6-minute scene called Longest Dildo Deep In My Teen Ass. I fucking love teenage girls so much I keep my basement window cracked a bit sometimes so I can leer out at them while stroking my genitals in a lecherous way. The fact that this clip is in this section gives me a lot of hope about the things I dream about doing to those young sluts.To hit that Download button beneath the scene, though, I needed to log in. I know some of you don’t like giving your email address to a porn site, but it’s worth it if it’s going to help you learn how the female brain ticks, and how the female twat cums.My mom’s yelling down into the basement about how I’m a fat loser and nobody’s ever going to love me, and I’m responding by cranking the volume on this video of Jennifer White sucking the cum out of Danica Dillan’s asshole. It’s one of today’s most popular clips with ladies on PornHub, which means it should definitely help me learn a thing or two about pleasing a woman. It won’t be long before some bitch is slurping my own jizz from another’s pooper.PornHub is the big daddy of all free tube sites, so it makes a lot of sense that they’d also have a fine selection of Porn for Women. Their stash is pulled from their overall massive archive of smut, chosen from the clips women are actually diddling themselves to. It’s a damn good place for a broad to get off, or for a virgin like me to figure out how to get a lady off.