Well, well, well. Here we are once more. Looking at websites together, trying to figure out which ones are the best and which ones can be skipped over. I have truly cherished our time together thus far. Having you read my words is huge for me. It makes me feel less alone. And, seeing as I do nothing whatsoever outside of sitting in my room, watching porn, humping my pillow, playing video games, eating Cheetos, and fapping until my wiener is raw, it really does a lot of good to feel like I am talking to someone. Someone other than my mom, that is, of course. Living in her basement has its perks, for sure, don’t get me wrong, but having to talk to her and hear her complain every day is certainly not one of them.“Get a real job,” she says. “Clean your room,” she says. “Why don’t you make something of yourself, like your bother did?” She says. Nag, nag, nag. That’s all she knows how to do. That’s really all she’s good for. Well, that and she does make a mean meatloaf. I’m not even gonna lie. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom. Obviously. I just don’t know how much more of it I can take! It might be time to move out. If only I wasn’t so socially handicapped. I’m terrified of the idea of going outside. I nearly have a panic attack just thinking about it.Which is the reason that I am still a virgin. Okay, maybe it’s not the reason. There are plenty, I know (others include the fact that I am ugly as sin, I have no money, I don’t have any sense of style, and I get red and sweaty any time a pretty girl looks my way, even in porn … which makes POV videos really hard to get through sometimes). Needless to say, then, I have never been out on a date. The closest thing I have ever had to a date would have to be when Ma takes me out to dinner at Red Lobster every year for my birthday. I look forward to that day all year long!Just because I have never been on a date, though, does not mean that I don’t like to use dating sites. I do. Actually, if I am being 100% candid with you, I think I may be a little bit addicted to some of them. I am obsessed with the act of swiping. You know, swipe left, swipe right. I spend hours on Tinder every day, even though I never match with anyone and I swipe right on almost every girl that comes up. I did get one match once, actually. Her name was Alexa, and she was really nerdy. Just like me.We talked about Mine Craft a little bit, but she stopped talking to me when I sent her my favorite porn clip. I don’t know why … isn’t that what people do? If they didn’t, well, riddle me this, why, then, does Porn Hub have the option to share videos on Facebook and what have you? I don’t know why she had to be so weird about it. Oh well, she could never have been in porn anyway. Her face was a 6, tops. And her body was like a 4. So, nothing lost, really.Besides, I already have a girlfriend. My body pillow. Suki. We sleep together every night and sometimes, so long as it’s consensual, I hump her until I jizz. Oh, she makes me oh so happy. So, who needs lame girls like Alexa that don’t even like porn when I have Suki, who watches it with me all the time and also gets turned on at the same stuff as me? See, guys, I’ll be just fine without her.One site, though, that has been gaining some traction in the past few years as an alternative to the usual dating apps and sites like Tinder, OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, and Bumble is known as Badoo. And that is the site that we’ll be looking at today. Bear in mind ahead of time, though, the fact that I have a 0% success rate. However, I do not think that that can be attributed to Badoo (or Tinder, or OK Cupid, etc.). That is 100% because I am a loser. But I’ll do my best to run you through the pros and cons of this site nonetheless. I’ll just have to imagine how it must go for my hero, The Porn Dude, who probably cleans the F up on sites like these!
Simplicity and OptionsBadoo is a very simple dating site. One that people seem to like to use for sex stuff. I don’t know … some of the girls are actually pretty open about wanting some kinky fun, others are very staunchly against the idea. So, like a lot of similar dating site, Badoo’s community does not seem to know what it wants to be. The only site that I know of that does have a solid sense of identity is Tinder. Everyone knows why they’re on there. You get the occasional girl who thinks she’s going to find her Prince Charming on Tinder, sure, but for the most part, people are there to hookup, and they are all well aware of it.On Badoo, though, it’s hard to say. I would guess it’s about 50/50. Half of the girls seem DTF, whereas the others seem to want just plain old friendship or a serious relationship. Whether or not these girls are being completely forthright, however, about their desires and intentions is another question altogether. I guess chatting with them will be the only way to tell for sure.From the moment that you arrive at Badoo, it should become clear that it is a straightforward site. There aren’t a million and one things that they are trying to offer for you to do on it (like there are on other similar dating sites sometimes). It’s very clearly designed and easy to navigate. Intuitive. You have a site menu box on the left side of the page and a Tinder-style swiping game on the right. Like or dislike, completely free of charge, whomever your little heart desires (or whomever your little peen desires, which, let’s face facts, is more likely going to be the guiding force here).They call this swiping section of the site Encounters (which might be reminiscent of Craigslist’s infamous Casual Encounters section for a reason…). You can also browse people’s profiles that happen to be nearby, check your messages (if you ever receive any), view who you’ve matched with, see who’s liked you (only if you upgrade from the free account), and view a list of people who you have favorited. See, it’s very simple. Very straightforward. No BS.
Stand OutOne thing that sets Badoo apart from similar dating sites is the fact that you do not have to wait for someone to match with you to message them. This is a godsend. Especially for someone like me who is never going to match with anyone. Or if I do, it won’t be for 7 or 8 months from now when I have long since forgotten about my account due to the fact that nobody will talk to me. This way, at least I have some semblance of a shot due to my cleverness and quick-witted humor! To girls, funny is almost as good as handsome … keep that in mind, fellas.Another thing that sets Badoo apart from the pack is the fact that every single girl I have come across on the site seems 100% real. As you may already know, Tinder is infamous for having all sorts of spambots and scam artists who are trying to advertise BS Snapchat accounts or get you to sign up for some fraudulent hookup app or something. Badoo is genuine though. The girls are almost all authentic and real people. At least in the sense that they actually exist.
Some Hot Chicks (But not Many)And what’s more, a surprising number of them are actually pretty attractive! Well, surprising because I expected most of them to be hideous. Obviously, the ratio of hot chicks to uggos is going to vary greatly based on your location, though. New York City, for example, is just objectively going to have a greater quantity of pretty women on Badoo then, say, Akron, Ohio. That’s just how it works … Them’s the brakes, pal! Plus, if you’re interested in a potential escort situation, you will definitely find a few of them on Badoo … they’re the ones who advertise that they are only trying to talk if it’s about money and other such stupid catchphrases.All in all, Badoo is far from the worst dating site I have ever been on. The only flaws? Well, the quality of women is nowhere near that of Tinder, it’s true, and you have a limited number of likes you can give out in a day. But, other than that, it’s definitely worth a shot … especially if you have the confidence of The Porn Dude!