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MetaPorn
Meta Porn! I have begun branching out from my interests and have started thinking of new activities to try. The top thing I have come up with is combining my love of katanas and my love of ribbon dancing. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I was the runner up in a now defunct forum dedicated to ribbon dancing aficionados back in my youth. I cut myself after learning I didn’t win and swore to never touch the ribbon again, but now I am back, I’m older, wiser, stronger, and ready to give the art world the shock of its life.
That was until the accident.
I recorded myself so I could critique myself and improve my flow. Picking up the katana and tying one of mother’s shoelaces around the sword, I began to dance gracefully to the sweet rhythms of Chris Gaines, closing my eyes, and letting the sweet sounds of the music grasp me in its loving embrace. As I was lost in the music, I began to fall asleep. The grip of my katana was loosened and the sword flew up into the air and back down, cutting off the crotch of my white underwear and shaving off a thin piece of penal skin.
I screamed in pain as I held my penis in its hand, hoping that the bleeding would stop and the pain would eventually become numb. Rolling around on my back wishing I had never even thought about ribbon dancing from the start, I grabbed my phone and headed on over to Metaporn.com, hoping that uplifting beautiful ladies would dull the pain. It didn’t, but I uplifted them through the pain anyway and have a few things to say about it. I think you will enjoy it as well, so come join me as we look through this porn aggregator!
Huge list of adult stars
One of the things that surprised me when I first visited Metaporn is the fact that you can search videos based on adult stars. You don’t always see this, and it’s perfect if you want to only uplift some of the most confident females this planet has ever seen. I have said it before and I will absolutely say it right now: when you uplift adult stars, they are so self-confident that you actually receive excess confidence in return. You see, females that are this confident have so much confidence they can store. When their confidence cup runs over, the excess travels telepathically to the party that sent the praise. So if you are feeling down from the stress of this life fellow white knight, uplift an adult star: not only are they amazing to watch, but you will feel more confident than you have felt in so long. You may feel so confident that you may have the confidence of ThePornDude! That is confidence personified, and it doesn’t hurt that he gets laid. Every. Goshdarned. Night!Huge list of categories as well!
Metaporn doesn’t stop there with the convenience, though. They also provide a huge list of categories that will have you jumping around and taste testing the beautiful creatures that lie within. You will notice Metaporn’s most popular categories from the top, but as you scroll down you get to see every category that Metaporn has to offer. There are tons of them too, and you may never be able to click on every single one of them. If you have visited a porn aggregator before, it is on par with the number of categories other porn aggregators feature. Although it’s difficult to gauge an exact number, don’t worry about it. You are going t have plenty of females to uplift and praise as you browse around Metaporn, and that is what is most important.Loads of channels to browse by
Here is something you do not see all the time: a porn aggregator that also offers tons of videos based on channels. Channels don’t do it justice, though: what Metaporn is really offering are tons of videos by adult brands. The brands you’ve come to watch when it comes to AAA adult content are all here, and while I cannot confirm that your favorites will be there, the amount of brand-focused adult content is impressive. Metaporn didn’t have to add this feature to their porn aggregator and they would have still been competitive among other porn aggregators. Still, going above and beyond normal expectations and delivering such a convenient amount of adult content is something to be applauded. In my opinion, it automatically puts Metaporn in the tier of, ‘must-bookmark adult sites.’ Thanks, Metaporn!Clickable, related tags appear in video listings
Although the video listings leave less to be desired (more on that in a moment), what I really enjoyed was how every video listing features a tag that lets you view other similar videos. If you spot a video listing with a thumbnail that looks amazing and you think to yourself, “oh boy I want me some more of that,” simply selecting the appropriate tag in the listing will lead you to other similar videos on Metaporn. All of this happens without even having to select the video, too. It may seem like a small touch, but showing the tags of each video is a great way to explore what the site has to offer. Although it doesn’t sound like it makes a huge impact, it assuredly does. Try it out as you browse around and uplift your own beautiful females: you may wish that other porn aggregators had this feature as well!Related tags appear in categories, too
The one thing you can say about Metaporn is that they give you unique and convenient methods to find new ladies to uplift in ways you probably never really thought about. Another way Metaporn achieves this is by showing you related tags as soon as you click on a category. It’s a great way to laser-focus your search, especially if the category you selected proves to be unable to deliver the exact type of female you wanted to uplift in the first place. When you click a category, you will see a shortlist of tags that are associated with that category. For example, in the, ‘Playmate,’ category I saw a lot of videos that featured tags like, ‘gorgeous,’ and, ‘behind the scenes.’ Selecting one of these tags will send you to its appropriate category; selecting that category also shows you other relevant tagged categories near the top. See what happens? As you continue browsing around Metaporn, you always have the opportunity to go somewhere else next. Don’t like the category you are in but want to view similar adult content? The tags near the top of each category listing makes that happen.Fast and responsive on mobile and desktop
I don’t care what kind of site you are talking about: if it is not mobile-friendly then it’s worthless. This is certainly true of porn aggregators like Metaporn, because if you cannot view adult videos and uplift goddesses wherever you are then what is the point of the aggregator existing in the first place? There isn’t one! That’s the whole point I’m making! Thankfully, Metaporn is fast and responsive no matter which device you are using. Jumping from Metaporn to a source site is instantaneous: I never experienced any kind of slowdown or hiccups. While your mileage may vary based on the source sites you visit (after all, why would Metaporn be responsible for a site not operating optimally?) the seamless transition between Metaporn to the source site and back again is something to praise them for.Video listings only show bare minimum information
Unfortunately, Metaporn fails when it comes to the information shown on the video listing (or rather, the lack of). Every video listing on Metaporn only shows its duration and source site. This is all well and good, but what about the view count and rating of the video? A lot of people enjoy uplifting beautiful ladies due to the video’s rating and view count: if it is impossible to glean this information from Metaporn itself, that’s a big fail. It’s a problem that Metaporn should address sooner than later to make it as convenient as possible for white knights like myself to uplift the beauties that make this planet worthy of staying on!- Huge list of adult stars to search by.
- Tons of categories to choose from!
- Loads of channels to browse by.
- Clickable, related tags appear in video listings and categories.
- Fast and responsive on mobile and desktop.
- Video listings only show bare minimum information.
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