Those of you who have been keeping up with my porn site reviews for a while now are already well aware of this fact (what can I say, it has definitely become nothing short of a cornerstone of my entire identity), but I am a virgin. Yes, it’s true. Go ahead, get your laughs out now. Ha ha ha. I hope you find this very funny. Because, honestly, there is nothing funny about it when you are on the other side.Imagine that you were in my shoes. Imagine, just for one second, that you were a few months away from turning 38 and you still have never had sex. Heck, imagine that you were 37 and you have never even had so much as a handjob! Does it seem a little less humorous to you now? To picture the shoe on the other foot for a change … Well, that is what I am going through. That is my cross to bear. And it is quite a heavy cross, my friend, let me tell you that with certainty.Especially when you are as constantly and rabidly horny as I am. It is my own special sort of hell. All I think about is sex. Constantly. 24 hours a day, it’s nothing but sex, sex, sex. I wake up and I wank off, thinking about what it would be like if a beautiful woman were in my bed with me. I eat breakfast, then I wank off again. I take a shower and, yep, I usually wank it in the shower. By the time I towel off, I’m usually ready for another round (what can I say … sometimes the towel feels good against my dong and balls!). Can you see now how absolutely tortuous this could get?I long to know what it feels like to be touched by a woman. Well, other than my mother, of course … she likes to come downstairs to my room to tuck me in and kiss me goodnight still. Yeah, I know, it’s pathetic. But she is slowly losing her faculties, you know? I think she actually believes that I am still a child sometimes. Other times she doesn’t know who I am. It’s very hard to watch. But, hey, I’ll take it if it means that I can live comfortably in my childhood bedroom, rent-free and mostly unbothered, to fap my days away and look at porn from sunrise to sundown! It’s honestly a pretty sweet setup I got going here. So, don’t feel bad for me. If anything, you should be jealous!
Freedom, Here I Cum!I do often wonder what it would be like, though, to be totally free. Free of my mom, free of my crippling anxiety and panic attacks, free of being constantly so horny that I can hardly look at a woman in public without popping a boner in my sweatpants. It must be nice. That must be how my hero, The Porn Dude lives. Just absolutely free … of all concern, of worrying about how he is going to get laid (this guy cleans up!), probably of his mother. He definitely doesn’t live in his mom’s basement.If I had to guess, I would say he has a penthouse somewhere baller like NYC or London, where he just bangs chick after chick, night after night. Reading his porn site reviews every day for the last few years has given me nothing if not hope. I finally have hope that maybe, one day, if I work really hard at it, I’ll finally be able to get some poon of my own.Lots of people ask me why I don’t just order myself an escort. You know, to get the whole virginity thing out of the way. And I’d be lying if I told you that I did not consider doing just that every single day of my life. I go to escort sites all the time to browse, to see what’s out there, weigh my options. But I always chicken out at the last minute.I get so nervous thinking about what would inevitably happen. As soon as her vagina touched the tip of my penis, I would bust my load everywhere in a giant puddle of shame. And I would rather not deal with that. So, I’m waiting. I’m waiting until I train myself to have better endurance. Also, until my extreme anxiety becomes a little bit more manageable. So, we’ll see what happens.Needless to say, though, I am extremely well versed when it comes to all of the escort sites out there, even though I, myself, have never procured a lady of the night for myself. I know which ones are the best and I know which ones are not worth one second of your time. And I actually already have an escort ad site picked out for when I do finally build up the courage to actually contact one of these very sexy professional women.
The Best Escort Ad Site on the Web?And the site I think that I would use, without a doubt (unless, of course, a better one comes along in the meantime), is Tryst. There are a lot of escort ad and escort index sites on the web, but few come anywhere close to offering the same comprehensive and professional service as Tryst. Even the name is discrete and easy to remember. Tryst … it makes what you are bound to find on the site sound very promising. Less like a dirty exchange of money and bodily fluids and more like a romantic rendezvous between intimate lovers.This is definitely the kind of sex I would prefer to have for my first time. I have a feeling that I’ll get very emotional once I jizz … I need an escort who can handle that. In fact, I would not be at all surprised if the majority of my purchased hour wasn’t spent with my escort holding my head in her lap, running her fingers through my hair while I cry.From the moment you land on Tryst’s home page, it will become immediately clear that this is no place for back alley prostitutes. Nor is it anything like the suspicious posts you will find on Craigslist or, back in the day, Backpage. Tryst is a classy site for classy women to service, well, probably whoever. It is not for agencies or pimps to parasitically leech off of beautiful women on. It is exclusively for independent escorts … another thing that should reassure you when finding a girl o Tryst.The site is extremely well designed. It’s sleek and minimalist. In fact, I would not hesitate at all to describe it as elegant. At the top of the page, you’ll find a brief but effective site menu bar, allowing you to browse the site by clicking on one of the following: Escorts, Sign Up, Login, and More. Below that, you will be greeted by a very classy banner, featuring a beautiful blue-eyed brunette who is looking up at you seductively from behind bedsheets. Keep scrolling down to find escorts who have been recently active on the site, New Profiles, and, finally, a very elaborate advanced search engine.In fact, the same search engine is conveniently accessible from the top of the page, too (under the banner), and the search bar follows you as you scroll down the page. Just click into it for the advanced function to pop up below. Here, you can choose between gender (M, F, Non-Binary, Trans), type in your postal code, pick out any keywords you can think of (name, social media handles, etc.), select service type (escort, BDSM, or FBSM), set minimums and maximums for rates, and even filter out by age, ethnicity, body type, breast size, height, hair color, or eye color.
Everything an Escort Site Should HaveThis is one thing that so many other escort ad sites are missing: a good advanced search function. And Tryst has it completely taken care of and delivers it to you so that you don’t have to work at all to find it. Now, that is good site design.The impressive nature of the site design, however, does not stop there. The girls’ profiles, too, are expertly rendered and very professional looking. Honestly, it comes off more like an artist’s portfolio site than it does an escort ad site. And, to be fair, the best escorts in the industry are, in fact, artists in their own right. Profiles all include plenty of pics, thoughtful bios, stats, contact info, availability, and rates (something that is surprisingly rare on sites like these as well). Plus, you can even message the girls directly from Tryst! This site has truly thought about everything.If you want a site that will serve you in full when it comes to finding the perfect escort, Tryst is the way to go. If you’re looking for a beautiful high-class woman tonight to service you in full, I highly recommend giving Tryst.link a visit today!