Milfaholic

Let’s face it: older women are just better. Anyone who says they prefer teens or girls in their twenties must just be fooling themselves. I would much rather have a girl in her 40s or 50s who has been around the block a few times. They’re nicer, prettier, more mature, and much better caretakers.And hey, if she’ll indulge my mommy fetish, or maybe even let me suck on her nipples for a few hours, I’m not going to say no to that. I think that sort of stuff just comes with the territory: as women get older, they want a nice young man to nurture. Sort of a replacement son, after their actual son grows up, gets married, and moves out.That’s why I’m going to live at home forever. I know that’s what mommy truly wants, no matter how much she begs, pleads, and screams otherwise. She’s just hiding her true, maternal feelings. But don’t worry, mommy. I can see through your disguise. I’ll be here forever. But there is one thing mommy can’t help me with, no matter how much I make my desires known. Sexual release. She gives me food, water, shelter, and bubble baths with extra scrubbing, but she can’t give me what a man like me really needs.So I’m going to sign up for Milfaholic, a dating site designed to match up young men with older women. With any luck, I’ll find somebody just like mommy. Someone who can fluff my pillow, bring me mountain dew and chicken fingers, and then suck me off before tucking me in and wishing me goodnight. All of the stuff mommy already does for me, with a bit extra for good measure.

Taking The Plunge To Get The Clunge

Milfaholic advertises itself as private and discreet. This is good, because as much as I want to meet a girl that looks, cooks, and smells exactly like my mom, I don’t want her to know that I’m using this site. She thinks that I’m her precious baby boy, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.Well, that’s a lie. I want to fuck MILFs so badly that I’d be signing up even if they said they were going to fly a blimp over my hometown with a message saying that I signed up for the site, but even so, a bit of privacy and discretion is an added bonus.The first step towards getting that sweet aged pussy is to sign up for an account. After spending the better part of an hour trying to decide on a username, I went with littleboylover—I want these older ladies to know that I’m ok with dating a mom, so I figured that I should make that known right off the bat. I think moms are cute, and I might want a kid of my own someday. Plus, if they just recently gave birth, I wouldn’t say no to a bit of fresh milk…Next up you have to create a password, and then give Milfaholic your email address, so that your private business can be spread across the internet for everyone to see once the site inevitably gets hacked.

Even Aged Pussy Isn’t Free

Without paying an entry fee, you can’t really do anything on Milfaholic except browse the profiles. That might be good enough if you’re just here to jerk off to the cute older women, but if you’re looking for a quick fuck, a love connection, or something in between, you’ll have to open up your wallet and pay to play.The most basic plan offered by Milfaholic is their three-day trial. Reasonably priced at just three bucks a day, this gives you ten profile views and messages each day. Unfortunately, this didn’t get me any more action than just starting at the profiles and hoping something would happen, so I had to move on after my time was up.I’m going to attribute my lack of success on Milfaholic not to the fact that I’m jobless, overweight, or ugly. It’s not because of my cock size either—these girls keep saying three inches is small, but I know for a fact that it’s average. And it’s not my username, either—two or three women have told me that it grossed them out, but if they’re not the type to have kids, it wouldn’t have worked out anyway.It must be because I don’t have a higher-tier membership. Yeah, that’s the only explanation. So I guess I’ll bite the bullet and give them some money. It’s not like I would have used it for anything other than porn anyways, and I guess a one in a million shot at a real woman is probably worth more than one more porn site.The other three tiers called Gold, Silver, and Monthly VIP, are actually identical aside from their terms and prices. Each one offers unlimited messaging, all the views you can handle, as well as the ability to text girls’ phones, personal matchmaking, access to private photos, improved search features, and a slew of other bonuses.The month-to-month plan costs thirty dollars, which is a bit pricey, even if it is cheaper than the trial and comes with more features. The middle of the ground silver membership nearly cuts that price in half, while the long-term six-month gold plan costs just $11.65 per month. Again, each of these plans (aside from the trial) have the same features, so what you’ll want to do is realistically estimate how long it’s going to take you to meet the love of your life on Milfaholic, and pick the corresponding plan.Since I’m so suave and cool, I chain-subscribed to the one-month plan for six months in a row, before realizing that I must be too intimidating for these women and switching to the six-month gold plan. I wasted a bit over one hundred dollars in doing so, even if it wasn’t my fault, but if you’re not on the level of me or ThePornDude, you may just want to swallow your pride and sign up for the long run.

The Struggle Continues

Unfortunately, things didn’t really get much better for me even after I upped the ante and paid for the VIP membership.I’m beginning to suspect that many of the women on Milfaholic (often misspelled as "milfoholic") aren’t actually real. Before I started to spend my money, I was getting bombarded with messages. And these weren’t being sent by washed-up gutter-trash, these were MILFs in the true sense of the word. And not just MILFs that I want to fuck because I’m sad and lonely and horny, these were bonafide MILFs that even guys with standards would line up to have sex with.Right off the bat, I must have had five women message me. They berated me for not uploading any pictures to my profile and asked me to sign up for a paid membership so that I could message them back. Seeing as they were cute and seemed willing to hook up, I followed their advice—but as soon as I had the actual capability to talk to them, they weren’t interested anymore.The only two possibilities are that they weren’t real in the first place, or that my attempts at conversation were so unappealing that they couldn’t bear to continue talking to me once I revealed my true self.On second thought, they’re probably not bots. That’s exactly how things go for me in real life, so why would online dating be any different? At least here they can’t run away screaming, the worst they can do is block me. Or berate me and call me disgusting, but that’s so much more palatable in text than it is in person.Oh, wait! I just got another message. She’s asking if I’m up for a booty call. She wants me to come alone, and that’s a pretty rough part of town, but I think I’m going to do it. It’s for true love, after all.Weird. She asked me to make sure I bring my wallet. I guess she probably wants to go out to dinner after, she knows she’ll be exhausted after hours of vigorous lovemaking. I can’t wait! Wish me luck!