Rub Maps! They say losers can’t be choosers, but I have a confession to make; the idea of a nice rub from an exotic dime piece with soft hands and the possibility of busting a load, in the end, has given me many sleepless nights. Unlike ThePornDude whose only worries are which sexy girl to lay next, I’m fretting most of the time, in between jerking off, because my experience of massage with a happy ending doesn’t extend beyond movies.To me, getting an oiled, sensual massage where a hot masseur rubs off my dick or blows it will remain a fantasy. That’s how badly being a fat loser ruins your confidence. I’ve had a dream where a hot babe was passionately wrapping her soft lips around my dick, but that’s just about it. My only reward was sticky sheets. Damn!However, for those confident enough to venture outside to look for a sensual massage experience, you know the trick lies in getting the right parlor. Finding these places isn’t that straightforward. Kinda like me with my pathetic efforts to get laid throughout the years. It takes a special kind of mediocrity to find yourself a virgin at 30, you know. Anyway, due to the ‘risky’ nature of the business, finding an erotic massage parlor requires some due diligence.As y’all get busy out there getting laid, I’ll be conducting an in-depth review of Rubmaps.ch aka RubMaps.com which is a user-driven site that reviews, talks about, and shares pictures of erotic massage parlors across the United States. If unlike me, you are not too ashamed to pay someone to rub your body and probably your dick, you might want to hang around.
RubMaps have been around since 2010, but because of the strict sex trafficking laws, they have to say that they don’t condone any type of pay for sex services to legally cover their own butts. However, they are a site that caters to men with enough money to pay for handjobs. This might sound strange, but everyone has a right to cover their ass. The site asked me to confirm whether I was 18 and because I needed access, I had to. However, I was set aback by the terms and conditions.
What’s with the crazy legal jargon though?
If you bother to read the T&Cs, which is what a smart person does for every site (I’m not in any way suggesting I’m the smartest, but I’m not as dumb as you’d think), they categorically state that you cannot use the site for any sexual purposes. This essentially means no soliciting sexual services, no offering any adult services, or anything that enhances the experience of sex for that matter. They are even against any kind of nude modeling.Hold on a minute. We are talking about a site that lists reviews of massage parlors that allow happy endings and what it will cost you. Are these guys going against their very terms and conditions? Red fucking flag!
A straightforward approach to design
The blue and white color scheme is getting a tad too monotonous, to be honest, but it’s what RubMaps welcomes you with. It looks like just about all adult forums on the internet. The design allows you to search for parlors by the state where all the states in the US listed. I particularly like the advanced search option which allows you to narrow it down to specifics like shaven pussies, handjobs, ethnicity, and hourly rates.You also get a header with options like Forum, Slang, Blog, Escort Reviews, and Contact. However, apart from the Forum and Contact, the other options direct you to other sites. That said, the forums have a decent level of activity with plenty of topics covering more general reviews, stories, and punters sharing their experience with the members. If your last masseur allowed you to nut on her thighs, this is the place to brag about it.
A happy ending is a few filters away
Apart from the advanced search options, parlors can be filtered by parlors nearby, in big cities near you, and the newest ones across the US. Pick on a city and RubMaps allows you to specifically get the listings with reviews confirming the parlors that are down for erotic stuff, are open, active, and have photos. That’s a fantastic option to have especially since there is a huge chunk of closed parlors. You know why? Because they were raided. A word of caution; the raids happen basically all the time, and if you happen to be getting a rub down during the raid, you might find yourself being ass raped in jail. Even the very thought of it is cringe-worthy.Anyway, the listings show you the hourly rates which depend on the kind of services you are after, the masseuses’ ethnicity, the accepted payment methods, time of the last review, the number of user reviews, and the business’ contact details. Click on the business of choice to get additional stuff like photos and info regarding the availability of other related services like Jacuzzi and perhaps most importantly, read reviews.
Can’t read anything unless you pay
If this doesn’t bother you, then you are way braver than I am. No wonder I’m stuck here writing about this while my age mates are getting loads of sex and raising families. I’d suck as a father anyway. That said, you’re going to have to pay to read any of the reviews. Damn, what a load of bull***! Not only that, the subscription is quite pricey; a standard membership costs $19.95 a month while the yearly membership sets you back $149. I don’t want to be rude, but this is a rip off for fuck’s sake. They are not even decent enough to have one-day trials!
Paying will give you access to the reviews, but no safety net. If you are caught, that’s on you. RubMaps doesn’t stand behind you whatsoever, and you are screwed. Being locked up in this dark dungeon fapping all day is starting to sound like a good idea after all. Remember that once you sign up, you are in their database as someone who paid for sexual services. Basically, you are making it easier for the cops to bust you for dabbling in illegal activities.
Solid mobile experience
The site’s mobile version works, largely in a similar manner to the main site. You can easily scroll and look for parlors on the go, and if you are a traveler, this is fantastic news. I wouldn’t advise you to do so, but you may allow the site to track your location and erotic parlors will be popping up everywhere.
Just don’t get caught
Just so you know, Rubmaps was named in a recent report written by Jupiter, FL Police Department about a bust that took place at Orchids of Asia Day Spa, where Robert Kraft, John Childs, and 25 others were arrested for solicitation at the Spa. They may use Rubmaps to conduct more raids and stings. You better stay frosty if you don’t want to find yourself on the wrong end of a police raid as you are getting your cock rubbed. If you need proof, the entire report can be accessed here.
Things to love about Rubmaps
Hundreds of listings across the United States; if you are living in the States, there is every likelihood that there is an erotic massage parlor in your area listed on this site.Advanced search feature; not only will you search any U.S. state for sexy parlors, but you can also use the advanced search to get more specific with your searches.Active forum; there is plenty to learn at the forum whose sections are full of tips and quality reviews.
Have to pay; the site has set some pretty extortionate membership fees just to enable members to read reviews.Not safe; using Rubmaps isn’t the most brilliant of ideas considering it was named in a police report not so long ago. Users may be blindly falling into the hands of law enforcers.
How the site can improve
Well, they could start by not asking users to pay to read reviews. Alternatively, they could at least allow potential members to read at least a few reviews before requiring them to sign up. At the very least, include a cheaper, single-day trial.
Whatever feelings you may have about paying for sexual services, they are still illegal in the United States. Getting a rub-and-tug is considered an illegal activity, and if you want to avoid issues with the cops, avoid this site like a plague. You could be asking for a handjob from an undercover cop for all I know. But if you insist, be prepared to fork 20 bucks just to read reviews. Your choice!