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Twisted Porn
TwistedPorn! I’m a twisted guy. I’m cool, alternative, and edgy. You can tell by the way I wear my fedora, and how I carry my katana. I’m not for everyone, and I’m not to be messed with. With that being said, I’m still a cutie and a nice guy. My mommy says so, even if the mean girls I meet say I’m too short, fat, hairy, disgusting, and perverted. Even if I’ve been told that a few hundred times, I still believe mommy. She wouldn’t lie.
This makes TwistedPorn basically my perfect match in porn. It mixes extremity with sexiness better than just about any porn site I’ve ever seen. This is by no means normal, everyday stuff, but these videos never sacrifice hotness. It’s not shock value for the sake of shock value, so the focus is still only jerking off. If you came to TwistedPorn expecting to see blood, guts, and gore, you might be disappointed, but if you’re looking for hot porn with a side of violence, masochism, and humiliation, you came to the right place.
Not For The Faint Of Heart
A quick look at the list of categories will dispel any notions that you may have had that would have led you to think that this was a normal porn site. Some sites claim to be a bit on the edgy side but just use it as a marketing tactic, while presenting you with your everyday normal sex tapes. TwistedPorn is not one of those sites. You’re not going to find things like Teen, MILF, Blowjob, or even Anal. Yes, anal features heavily in many of these videos, but the closest category you’ll find on TwistedPorn is called “Painal”. The site is so fucked up that they want absolutely nothing to do with an assfucking video unless the girl taking it isn’t having a good time. Things might start off that way, and the guy might make her say she’s enjoying it (probably in an attempt to avoid prison), but I’ve seen those dead eyes more than enough times to recognize the truth. Categories like “Pervert” usually involve unwanted touching and groping, and the “Voyeur” category has loads of creepshots, public sex, and upskirts. “Caught” is similar, but with additional embarrassment, and “Flashing” has a lot of fun reactions involved. You’ll find girls flashing their tits and pussies (usually to guys who don’t mind) and guys flashing their dicks (usually to offended onlookers, but occasionally to sluts who decide to make the best of the situation). You might think that “Party” would be tame at first, but a solid portion of these videos are not quite what you’d expect. Yes, some are those videos of willing sluts giving up their bodies to anyone and everyone that you’ll find on a standard porn site, but you’ll also see homemade vids of girls who had a bit too much to drink (or snort or inject) getting used by… again, everyone and everyone, but this time whether or not they’re willing is a bit less clear. “Risky” has a lot of public masturbation, oral sex, and straight-up fucking. If you’re a fan of cocks and other objects that really shouldn’t fit inside holes being forced in anyways check out “Extreme,” and if you want porn that is more disgusting than immoral (but still ends up being pretty hot), try “Depravity.” What you won’t find on TwistedPorn is loving, gentle, consensual sex. Besides, I’ve been so desensitized over the years that I hardly bat an eye when I see a girl get fucked in the ass with a beer bottle while she takes a dick in her pussy. And frankly, I’m fine with that—loving sex is not something I expect to find in my real life any time soon either, so seeing this sort of fucked-up shit is probably more realistic anyways.Getting Lost
My biggest complaint about TwistedPorn is the lack of features when it comes to finding away around the side. Besides the categories, of which there aren’t really that many, the site is shockingly devoid of useful ways to get around. You can’t sort videos by viewcount or popularity or really anything aside from the default chronological listing. There is a basic search function, but there aren’t any descriptions and the tag system the site uses is very poorly implemented (since each video usually only has one or two tags), so it’s next to useless for actually finding something specific. Without these options, your best bet is basically just to browse through the categories at random. Thankfully, most of the videos on TwistedPorn are really fucking hot, so this doesn’t ruin the site completely, but it’s still a bit of a hassle if you’re looking for something in particular rather than just any old fucked up porn.The Best Ads
I didn’t even realize it for a long time, but TwistedPorn is full of ads. And for once, I’m not going to complain. I know that you look at me and expect a squeaky-voiced nerdy whiner, and you’re not wrong—but this time, I’m totally satisfied with the ads, even though they’re everywhere. Why? Because as far as I’ve seen, these ads are without exception just links to porn videos on other sites. And, amazingly enough, they’re actually links to pretty good porn videos. Sure, it’s a bit jarring to go from a porn site that focuses on fucked-up filth to a standard tube site, but if the tits and ass are good I’m not going to complain. Each video page is pretty much split fifty-fifty between your chosen porn on the left, and links to other videos on the right. The first two rows of thumbnails are actually ads to off-site videos, while the rest will keep you on TwistedPorn. Sure, the ads bring you to porn on another site, but all of the thumbnails bring you to porn: and isn’t that what we’re here for? So I don’t have a problem at all with all of the advertisements. Are ads really so bad if they’re just as good as the content itself?Entering The Champage Room
The biggest downside to TwistedPorn is that a fairly good portion of their videos are locked behind a paywall for premium users only. At first, I was satisfied with the free content, but as time went on the allure of some of those exclusive thumbnails was too much to resist, so I decided to venture in and see what all the fuss was about. TwistedPorn offers a unique way to get premium access—you just have to upload two videos that make it to the site index, and they’ll give you a month for free. This does not include, unfortunately, just any user upload—the porn has to actually be high enough quality to be featured by the site. I sent in a few (maybe ten or so) videos of myself masturbating, but somehow that wasn’t enough. I guess that even though three inches is average, what I have isn’t good enough for these people. If you look like ThePornDude or you can convince a woman to appear in your video, this might be an option for you, but the rest of us normal folks are probably going to be stuck paying for premium. Once I gave up on trying to find my way in for free, I decided to start with a one-day trial membership. This cost about four dollars, and I pretty much immediately regretted it—not because the premium plan wasn’t worth it, but for the exact opposite reason. These premium videos are so good that I knew immediately that one day was not enough. And with a month-long membership being reasonably priced, hardly costing as much as three days at the daily rate, the trial itself was a bit of a waste of money. Oh well. I learned my lesson, and hopefully, you won’t repeat my mistake. Plus now I can drown my sorrows in even more fucked up porn. Everything’s going to be alright. Unless hell is real, in which case I guess I’d better get my kicks in now.- Hot fucked-up porn
- Reasonably priced premium membership, with the ability for uploaders to get free access
- The ads aren’t bad at all
- One-day trial is a poor value
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