LegalPorno

Legal Porno! I don’t think there is a porn site with a more suspicious name than “Legal Porno.” Just like the Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea, the People’s Republic of China, or the Democratic Republic of the Congo, the more you have to remind people of something the less trustworthy you seem.

Yeah, they say this site contains “legal” porn, but don’t they all? Why are you working so hard to convince us?

Rest assured, however, that after hundreds of hours of extensive research, I can confirm that this site is the exception to the rule. The porno on Legal Porno is, in fact, legal. You might not be able to make a vote that counts in the Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea yet, but at least there’s somebody that we can trust to tell the truth.

I Fought The Law…

True to its name, the first thing that you’ll see when you go to Legal Porno is a legal safeguard. You’ll be asked to confirm that you’re over eighteen and that you agree with the terms and conditions of the site. I’m sure 99.99% of the site’s visitors have never read the terms and conditions, and a good chunk of them are under eighteen, but hey. There’s nothing they can do to stop liars from getting in, but at least they’re trying.

Strangely enough, if you click “exit here,” you’re actually brought to xxx.com, which, as I’m sure you can tell from the name, is another porn site. And this one doesn’t even ask if you’re of age. I’m not sure what exactly they hope to accomplish by sending minor users to another explicit porn site, but at least our honest underage brethren will be able to masturbate in peace.

… And The Law Won

Since I’m over eighteen (and would have lied about it if I wasn’t), I was able to enter the site. And I’m glad that I was, because god damn these videos are incredible. The quality here is about as high as it gets on a porn site. The girls are all incredibly hot professionals and the sex is wild. Pretty much all of the videos are in 4K full HD, and they’re all pretty damn close to an hour-long.

If I had to pick one porn video to masturbate to for the rest of my life, I’d probably choose one from Legal Porno. Thankfully, the site has been uploading videos pretty consistently for the last seven or so years, so instead of having only one to choose from, I’ve got several thousand—and counting.

Although the videos are legal, they’re certainly a bit more extreme than what you’ll find on your average porn site. There’s nothing insane here—it’s all pro-porn, so you’re not going to see snuff videos, rape, or actual incest, but among professional porn sites, this is about as crazy as it gets.

It’s hard to accurately describe how no-limits Legal Porno is without talking about every single one of the crazy things that happen in all of their videos, and since you probably don’t have as much time on your hands as I do, I’ll illustrate the site with a single example. There’s a video where Charlotte Sarte shoves her foot in Brittany Bardot’s ass. Not her toe. Her entire foot. Like, up to the ankle. All the way. And she doesn’t just stick it in her cave and hang out, she legitimately fucks this girl’s ass with her foot.

Just extrapolate from that and you’ll have an idea of what the girls on Legal Porno get up to. If literally shoving your entire foot up a girl’s ass isn’t too extreme, pretty much nothing is.

Thankfully, the huge amount of content on Legal Porno is matched by an equally extensive list of genres. There are probably over ten thousand videos on the site, but between the categories, the model catalog, the studio page, and all of the sorting tools, finding the right porn for you is surprisingly simple.

The Price of Law And Order

People say that the best things in life are free, but Legal Porno costs money so they’re obviously full of shit. LegalPorn offers a few different ways to let them steal your hard-earned money, but none of them are really satisfactory in my opinion.

If you’re not constantly on the site, you can either pay per video or purchase the site’s currency (called “tkts”), which allows you to purchase individual videos at a slightly reduced rate. In the end, videos end up costing around five to ten bucks each. While they usually run at around 45 minutes to an hour-long, this still isn’t very affordable.

Your other option is an all-access subscription, but the pricing here is pretty high too. The month-to-month plan costs a whopping forty-five dollars a month, although it does get progressively cheaper if you increase the term, going down as far as $12.50 if you subscribe for a whole year.

If you’re really in love with the site, they also offer the option of a lifetime subscription for nine hundred dollars. I considered doing that, but at my weight, my doctor says I probably won’t live for more than five more years, and at that prognosis, I think the yearly membership might be a bit cheaper.

As fantastic as some of this porn is, the price is nearly inexcusable. Why should I pay five to ten dollars for a single video on the a-la-carte plans, no matter how good, when even the most expensive porn sites usually max out at thirty or so bucks a month?

If you find an absolutely enticing looking video or two that you just can’t bare not seeing, the single video price might be palatable, but if you’re a porno-power-user like me, you’ll find that the a-la-carte price structure here quickly gets out of hand.

You could (hypothetically and theoretically) spend a few hundred dollars in just a couple of days on Legal Porno. Of course, I’m not that desperate. I definitely haven’t been chain-watching videos for the last sixteen hours. Nope, not me, that must be somebody else.
Just don’t tell my mom, alright?

And yes, the porn here is good, but I’ve never seen a base monthly rate as high as Legal Porno’s for the short-term plans. I should have just bit the bullet and signed up for a year. Oh well. Let’s chalk it up to a lesson learned.

The Suggestion Box

LegalPorno does something that I’ve never seen a porn site do before: it opens things up to suggestions from users. Any paying member of the site can request videos for the site’s owners to produce, and also vote on suggestions made by others. This community approach ensures that the content of the site is catered towards its users, rather than being the selection of some PornDude type who gets laid so often that he forgets what the common masturbating folk likes.

As such, the most recent scene requested when I visited the request page was “Victoria J & lady dee or Freya Dee piss anal spit fest,” which, according to the requesting user, should feature “Licking pussies while piss, spit on their faces and drink gallons of piss while anal.also feet licking.” I’m not sure how realistic or appealing this video would be, but it’s nice to know that they don’t censor the requests. And, hey, each of those girls does have at least one video on Legal Porno, and none of that is illegal per se, so… I guess anything’s possible?

Another recent request involved “All 3 Ass up face down multiple anal creampies all 3 cum farting together,” while one more asked for “15 men extreme pissing plus anal fisting, squirting, dap, pee.” Rarely will you see a video requesting a man and women having consensual missionary sex, so it seems the requests tend towards the extreme. But hey, it’s what the people want. If democracy at work means that every porn video involves degrading extremism, then that’s what we should get. This is America, after all, and I don’t want to live in a country where I can’t watch fifteen men piss on Amelia Jones.