Ballbusting Tube! Fuck. I’ve had this site on my list for a while and I’ve been dreading reviewing it. Every time I look, I cringe and cross my legs, or at least I tried. I’m actually way too fat for one lard-covered thigh to cover the other, but you get the picture. Even the landing page to BallbustingTube gives me a dull ache in my genitals and terrible flashbacks to school and my short-lived job as a creepy, disheveled janitor at the local self-defense academy.BallbustingTube.com has been around for about a decade, consistently serving up videos of dudes getting their balls kicked, punched, stomped and twisted. I guess the thing that separates this free kink tube from my own horrific life is that all the attackers here are beautiful women and porn starlets, not ugly fat sisters, their friends or the bullies who used to crush your nuts and steal your lunch money. Well, unless your bullies were a bunch of sexy dominatrixes, cheerleaders or plaid-skirted schoolgirls.
Beat Your Meat While You Crush Your NutsGood fucking God. I see a fair amount of femdom while I’m browsing the free tubes and masturbating at the library, but even the hard stuff seems soft as hell compared to what I’m seeing on the front page of BallbustingTube. Honestly? I think I’d rather be whipped bloody and have my cock locked in one of those plastic boxes than anything that happens in a typical movie here.They’ve got the typical free porn tube layout, with a handful of Ballbusting Videos Being Watch Now at the very top. The first one is titled simply Mean Asian Chick Kicking a Guy’s Balls and features a thumbnail of a bitch who activates the hell out of my yellow fever even as she pulls a fat, naked guy by his hair and lines up a high-heeled kick to his saggy, bare nut sack. The next video features a similar tubby sack of flab, but this one has a hot blonde with a scary farm implement in her hands and even scarier title: She Castrates Him!Below those are the newest ballbusting clips, and they don’t get any fucking softer. BallbustingTube adds a handful of movies every day, and every one of them makes my frightened little turtle head squeeze back in its fleshy shell. There is a Brazilian chick with muscular thighs punting a guy’s junk into mush, and a British bitch in black boots delivering field goals to a guy suspended by his wrists.Every single scene features some poor sap getting his most vulnerable bits crushed, pounded and pulverized by cruel goddesses and their friends. I have to wonder how many dudes in these videos actually end up missing a ball or two. I don’t think testicles were made to stomp on with a pair of stripper heels while restrained in a cock box, nor do I think sticking needles in your scrotum is healthy to your unborn children.
Why Drain Your Balls When You Can Destroy Them?Nintendo has a long-standing reputation among the big videogame companies as the one who puts out good, clean wholesome family fun without all the graphic violence that makes all the other systems so violent. Well, you motherfuckers have never played any of the Super Mario games with my sister. I still have flashbacks to my trip to the ER when the doctors had to pull my left testicle back out of my pelvis.I seriously don’t want to watch any of these movies. I know The Porn Dude watches a lot of smut that doesn’t get him off personally, so that’s why I’m biting the bullet for you guys. I don’t have a giant penis and I’ll probably never get laid by an actual girl, but there are certain things that he does that I can do, and this is one of them.The most recent scene is a 16-minute nightmare called Nanda’s Audition. Like any good porno thumbnail, this one features nudity and a really gorgeous Latina. Unlike most porno thumbnails, there’s no sex going on in this one. Instead of sucking this dude’s dick or spreading her pussy lips to accommodate entry, this mean ass bitch is kicking a dude full force in the nuts! Hovering over the thumb shows a moving preview that’s even worse: this chick is wearing savage heels during the assault, which also includes nut stomping and sack twisting.It seems like the kind of thing nobody would want to see ever in their entire lives, but the scene has over 5000 views already an 80% user rating with the freaks of BallbustingTube. I guess that means it’s “good”, right? I’m about to find out for myself, and I hope you appreciate what I’m putting myself through for you.
Maybe I’d Just Prefer Some SpamWith my adblocker running, the movie starts playing immediately without any bullshit getting in my way. It looks like there would be an ad without my plug-in, and there’s also a premium option to remove ads if you are some kind of sucker who pays for free porn movies. I appreciate that I’m able to bypass the spam, because sometimes it feels like getting kicked in the balls before I jack off to pornography. It’s kind of weird that I’m about to try jacking off to dudes getting kicked in the balls, but at least there aren’t any wiener pill ads.The scene opens with an interview in Portuguese that I don’t understand. The video quality is a bit grainy, without any option to bump the resolution up. The video player itself is pretty lightweight, nothing special or fancy, but it gets the job done. When the cutie stops talking, she gets up and walks out of the room. The clomping sound of her heels on the wood floor is ominous, knowing what’s coming.Nanda comes back in the room, dragging some nerd by the arm. He’s wearing a fedora, which makes me feel like we can be buddies. Then again, he isn’t a disgusting fat guy and he’s clearly able to interact with a woman without throwing up due to social anxiety. He does get kicked in the nuts a lot, though, and that’s certainly something I can identify with.
Rock-Hard Boners and Balls of SteelThis dude must have balls of fucking steel, because he just grunts and doubles over slightly as the babe goes to town on his dingdong. I’m having sympathy pains as she rams her knee into his junk again and again, then backs up to give them a full-force kick with those heels. When the shoes start coming loose from the force of the blows, she makes him take them off her, smacking him in the face the entire time.Halfway through the scene, she demands his pants come off. I’m ready to quit watching him go wash my eyeballs out with bleach, but then I noticed something, a silver lining to all this femdom genital abuse: all the repeated kicking, kneeing and slapping has made this dude’s junk swell up like a goddamn flesh balloon.I have a pretty low threshold for pain, having been known to start sobbing whenever I accidentally step on one of my misplaced action figures. That said, I might be willing to expose myself to a little bit of agony if it means enhancing my two-inch nub. I’ve tried all kinds of things, and I can assure you that while penis pumps and engorgement pills are very uncomfortable, they don’t have any lasting effect on my Jimmy size. Maybe if my dick was less embarrassing to even see any mirror, I’d be less afraid of finally losing my virginity.Is that the appeal BallbustingTube? I think that’s probably just me looking for something I can relate to. The site will probably appeal to you much more if you’re into being beaten, dominated and utterly humiliated by hot chicks. I get the same in my life from the ugliest bitches you can imagine, and frankly it’s a goddamn nightmare.Jacking off while getting kicked in the nuts ain’t for everyone, but if it’s your idea of a good time, you’re going to love BallbustingTube. It’s got thousands of videos featuring nothing but hotties crushing nuts, and it’s all completely free to stream. Try not to rupture a testicle while you get your rocks off.