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Taxi69
Taxi 69! I remember the only time I was in a taxi. I lost mother when we went shopping for new undergarments when I was a teenager. It may sound gross but I actually enjoy looking for bras and panties for my mother. I get to take a look at what ordinary females wear underneath the clothes they wear to impress nice guys like me. I usually bring a notepad and write down what I see, making notes of what to by the day I finally find someone who will love me. I also want a woman about as mature as mother too, someone of Asian descent that will take care of the male feminist that I am. Sometimes I even bring a lawn chair and sit down, staring at the changing rooms as I write down what I see like an animal researcher studying the mating rituals of the wild.
I was doing this the day I lost mother until this real Chad of a guy walked up to me and threw my chair across the store. “Some kind of f*ckin pervert huh? You think it’s funny staring at my woman like that?!” He shoved me so hard I flew through the air and hit the crotch of a male mannequin. If it was anatomically correct my mouth would have been wrapped around its penis as I fell to the ground. As I fell the guy’s ‘woman’ walked up to me, looking angry like I was the worst kind of human being alive.
“This is your woman? I wasn’t staring at her, I was staring at the fine-looking mature woman over there.”
“That’s my mom you f*ckin sick….” I’m not going to go further into what the Chad said. The next thing I knew I was being punched in the face while the female started grabbing my testicles and motioning me to go over to the mom. “Look what this sick….” like I said I won’t be repeating what was said. My penis and testicles began to hurt so badly while being drug over to the mother that I didn’t want to introduce myself this way. To think, the first time I am being courted by her mother my private parts are aching like the stings of a million Klingon ants! *Snorts* Can you imagine?! THOSE KLINGON ANTS?!?
I couldn’t do it and I could not take the pressure of meeting a female for the first time.
I bit the woman’s hand and tried to run away for my life. The Chad grabbed me by the throat and said he was going to kill me. I did what I did to a dog one time that was bothering me on the playground: I unzipped the Chad’s pants, slid out his weenie, and bit the head of it as hard as I could. He screamed as I felt the blood trickle into my mouth, the girl had her mouth agape like she was going to bob for apples. I ran as fast as I could with penis blood all over my mouth afraid that I was about to become a statistic. Dying in department stores from getting penis breath is one of the leading causes of teenage deaths so I ran and hailed a taxi cab.
I thought about this for the first time in years when I was trying to escape the basement in a taxi cab. Mother made me dress like a debutante once again and I’m about darn near sick of it. Looking up taxis to flee in I came across a free tube site called Taxi69. It doesn’t have a lot to do with taxis, though it does have some pretty women you will want to stare and admire for hours on end. Do you agree with me, or is Taxi69 worth driving past? Find out with me so I don’t have to be alone tonight.
Want to look at hot ladies and nothing more? Go here.
What I like about Taxi69 is that it isn’t trying to be something that it knows it is not. While other free tube sites try to stretch themselves thinner than Plastic-Man when he has to wrap himself around the world to save The Wonder Twins from certain doom Taxi69 doesn’t do this. They know that you are coming here to stare at some of the most beautiful ladies on the planet. Since you and I appreciate the female body for the work of art it is, Taxi69 features only hot videos of hotter ladies and doesn’t try to do anything else. It works for them. Mother always says if you want to succeed in life you should focus on one thing and, “stop trying so goddamn hard to impress me queerbait!” Those are mother’s vulgar words, not a quote from this white knight *points thumbs at chest and smiles bigger than the Cheshire Cat :D*! Taxi69 should stick to this because this is absolutely what it does best: giving us beautiful women to admire no matter where we are.Easy to browse on mobile and desktop
Speaking of watching women to uplift wherever we are, Taxi69 makes it simple to view the lovely ladies on their site no matter if you are hiding in the bathroom at a department store trying to track down a potential wife to woo or you are in your basement eating those pizza rolls you bought from your last welfare check like I did (I recommend the three cheese and bacon but not three bacon and four cheese they put Canadian bacon in there *spits on ground, tilting head and looking angry*). The site loads quickly no matter which version you are looking at and everything is generally responsive and works very well. What more can you really ask for? Sites should work just as well on mobile as they do on the desktop and Taxi69 delivers. I’m glad too because I’m going to need the mobile version to work well when I have to take a ride with mother tonight. She says we’re going to go eat something good at a restaurant, but I heard her talking on the phone earlier this morning. Hiding under her bed so I could smell her (I love her pheromones), she was talking on her cell phone and saying she was bringing me to the ‘end of the road,’ tonight so she could perform the ‘ritual,’ and wanted to know how much she is getting paid. She must be selling vouchers to the restaurant! That cheapskate! She’s only taking me out to eat dinner because she has free coupons?! The nerve of that woman!Lots of unique categories
Taxi69 has enough categories you are probably going to find what you are in the mood for. However, I noticed Taxi69 also has a lot of unique categories that I’ve never seen on another free tube site. I saw categories for bikinis, aerobics, and even gypsies. I was intrigued by the gypsy category so I went and took a look. Immediately, the woman on the screen hypnotized me in such a way I stood up and began repeating everything she was saying on the screen (I know this because mother showed me a recording since apparently she’s been recording me for years and I just now figured it out). I took my clothes off and sat in the middle of the basement with my legs crossed repeating everything being said in the video. I took out a tube of lipstick from my tighty whities and began to put it on my lips. Then I drew a maze on my forehead in lipstick, and solved it! Once that was done, I put the lipstick on the head of my penis and began to draw circles on it until climax. Then I blinked, the gypsy on the video nodded her head and the monitor went off. Was this some kind of gypsy curse? Or was I having one of my, as mother calls them, ‘queer events,’ again? I thought about emailing my private investigator, but this time I thought maybe it was a case for the paranormal investigator I have on retainer: pizza rolls in exchange for paranormal leads. This was one of the strongest cases yet. He said he only needed my urine and would solve this as soon as possible. Taxi69 has unique categories to be sure. Just be sure you tread lightly on the gypsy category. I don’t want you to be cursed like I possibly am…Videos load fast
I’m talking faster than it takes for ThePornDude to get laid! The moment I clicked on a video it loaded within seconds. It goes back to what I was saying in the beginning: Taxi69 knows what it does well and focuses on one thing: giving us females to idolize and stare at so we may lift them up in their time of greatest need. It’s a smart move by Taxi69 to ensure their site and videos as a whole are quick to load and that everything works as it should.Too many videos load on each page, causes slowdown
Unfortunately, Taxi69 puts too many videos on each page. This may cause a slowdown on your part. While it isn’t terrible you may notice that if you scroll down each page fast enough not all of the thumbnails have loaded and you have to wait for the page to play catch-up. Ideally, you would see every thumbnail no matter how far you scrolled down but this isn’t the case with Taxi69. Would making each page smaller so thumbnails can load before the user scrolls down the page be a good idea or should they keep it as it is? Only they know what works best for them. When you want no-nonsense women to uplift and stare at for hours on end and nothing more, Taxi69 is worth bookmarking. It’s a free tube site that knows where its strengths lie and doesn’t try to do anything more than that nor should it. With a good collection of videos and unique categories to boot, Taxi69 is more solid than my love for the exotic Asian woman I kept following and sniffing in a lingerie store with mother yesterday.- Unique categories like bikini, aerobic, and gypsy. You may get a curse looking at gypsy videos, though.
- Browse by porn star when you want to watch a certain lady show off her confidence
- Fast loading videos on mobile and desktop make browsing painless and simple
- When you want good, hot ladies to watch and nothing more!
- Too many videos on each page can cause slowdowns
Find a better FREE porn tube site than TAXI69.COM on PornGeek!
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