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CumLouder
Cum Louder! Fuck. I got in a huge fight with my mom this morning about how she thinks I should sell my Pokémon golden showers doujinshi collection and start chipping in on rent. I told her it wasn’t fair since I never even asked to be born, but she still changed the Wi-Fi password and locked my VR sex helmet up in the closet along with my anime body pillow girlfriend. I’m coming to free you soon, princess, but in the meantime, I have some needs that I need to meet. That’s why I’m at the library browsing CumLouder.
CumLouder.com is one of the bigger porn tubes on the net. They’ve been around since 2008 and get more than 20 million visits a month, which I assume means I’m in good company. I usually feel like such an isolated loser with no friends, so it feels nice to be part of such a large crowd of anonymous, masturbating perverts. CumLouder is also one of the only tubes that produces their own original pornographic content.
Cum Quieter, Please Mom!
I know the name CumLouder is supposed to be clever, but I have to take a little bit of issue with it. For one thing, every time I actually do ejaculate with more vigor and exciting vocalizations, my mom screams down into the basement that I need to stop making my little girl noises. Second, I have to listen to that old bitch get hammered by my former gym teacher and I’d feel a hell of a lot better if she would cum more quietly for a goddamn change. Name aside, the landing page of CumLouder has a lot to get excited about. They’ve got thumbnails lined up to show off their many pornographic categories. A surprised Latina’s mouth and eyes gape open at the site of a monster dong for the Big Dick category, a busty MILF takes a couple of monsters in the image for Double Penetration, and a ripe young schoolgirl in a plaid skirt shows off her ass to represent the Teen area. I haven’t seen this much flesh on display since this morning when I took off my shirt and all my copious rolls of flab came tumbling out, spilling a mess of accumulated pubes, sweat and smegma onto the floor. The girls on CumLouder have much cleaner, smoother skin, though, which gets my penis rock hard. Now which one of you ladies wants to taste this two-inch monster? There is no hentai on CumLouder, which disappointed me, but the pretty bitch smiling at me from the front of the Asian section is really activating my yellow fever. The homeless guy sitting beside me at the library is staring drunkenly at my screen as I clicked through to the Asian ladies getting fucked, but he smells like piss and I don’t think he’s going to tell the library on me.Full-Length Original Pornos with Real Pornstars
I pulled up a video called Dirty Confessions with Asa Akira. It starts off with an interview about her work in the industry and I actually got a little worried the whole 36 minutes was just going to be talking. Fortunately, when I skipped ahead a bit I found the AVN Award winner showing off those impressive oral skills that have made her a household name. This sex scene is a CumLouder original streaming for free, which is a little hard to believe. Usually, if you find a full-length scene with a major porn starlet like this on a free tube, it’s pirated from somewhere else and isn’t even supposed to be there. It made me get so excited I forgot I was at the library for second and got a little too loud. My girlish squeal echoed through the cavernous rows of bookshelves. As Asa bounces up and down on her costar’s junk, I can’t help but notice the video quality is subpar compared to what I normally see. I don’t think it’s even HD, and I don’t see an option to adjust the resolution anywhere. I do, however, see a button to let me Download the scene, which is fucking nice. If my mom ever lets me have my virtual reality sex goggles back, I’m definitely going to fill it up with free CumLouder scenes.How the Fuck is This Free?
I watched a movie of a blonde getting a surprise DP, and then another one with Anissa Kate at a public beach in Barcelona working out with her titties out. When the scene goes inside, the little whore slurps on cock like she’s thirsty before getting smacked in the face with it and hosed down with hot sperm. My ad blocker is really kicking ass today, because I’ve watched half a dozen porno scenes at CumLouder and I haven’t been hit with any pop-up spam at all. That’s pretty unusual for any free tube, let alone one with so many full-length scenes and actual originals. I still can’t get over that, either; CumLouder effectively blurs the line between paysite and free sex tube. Most of the free tubes are full of short little clips and you end up masturbating with one hand and constantly clicking with the other. On CumLouder, it seems like every clip listed is a full-length scene with babes like Valentina Nappi and Abella Anderson. For a moment, I thought I was dreaming, but then the homeless dude next to me fell off his chair and threw up all over the floor. Since this is a Spanish site, you’ll find a ton of absolutely gorgeous Latinas getting their thick bubble butts smacked, practicing their blowjob skills and getting fucked raw in big-ass gang bang scenes. I hope you like your women spicy, because these hot mamacitas are muy caliente! Ay caramba!Buying a Premium Membership to a Free Tube
I don’t usually sign up for an account with any of the free tubes if I can help it, but I clicked the Members button in the corner of the screen just to see if there were any perks. I was surprised to find out CumLouder actually has a paid membership option. I hadn’t run into any paywalled content yet, but the sign-up screen says membership includes 17 original HD series, 200 girls and WebCams. They don’t tell you what those series are or give you any sample images, so it’s a little difficult to tell what you’re actually paying for. Premium HD porn is great and all, but it’s 20 bucks a month here and I’m just trying not to get busted stroking my cock at the library while a table full of students works on a science project nearby. If I had an Andrew Jackson in my pocket, I’d probably spend it on comic books and a bucket of mayonnaise since I’m getting pretty hungry. It seems weird to pay for smut on a free tube, especially when it’s still unclear what you’re actually getting. It’s moments like this that make me wish I was The Porn Dude. I think he’s got connections because he seems to be able to afford a membership on every single sex paysite out there. Maybe one day I’ll listen to my mom and get a job, then I can stroke it to more premium stuff instead of having a goddamn bum leer at me while I aggressively stroke my shaft under the table. While CumLouder (often misspelled as "cumloader", "coumlouder", "cumloder", "comlouder", "cumlauder", "coumlauder" and "cunlouder") doesn’t really do a great job selling their premium membership, the free version of the site is like a goddamn oasis on the Internet. It looks and feels like a premium site that might normally run you 30 bucks a month, but all the full-length pornos are free. They’re not cheap ass, garbage amateur flicks filmed in somebody’s garage with a Craigslist hooker, either. This is professional smut, often featuring the beautiful sex starlets you’ve been tenderizing your meat to for years. The police just walked in and the librarian is pointing in my direction, so I think it’s time for me to bail. Hopefully mom gives me back my Internet and my sex toys, because I’d like to spend a lot more time with this one. CumLouder.com is free but feels like I should be paying. What’s not to love?- Tons of free porno to stream and download
- Full-length originals with top pornstars
- Feels like a paysite but it’s free
- Minimal spam
- Video quality sometimes looks subpar and is nonadjustable
- Premium membership is not sold well
Find a better FREE porn tube site than CUMLOUDER.COM on PornGeek!
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