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PornoLab Anal
Not a lot of people realize this, but I’m actually something of a sexual scientist. I know that sounds a little bit crazy coming from a virgin neckbeard who can’t even speak to women without shitting himself due to social anxiety. You’ll just have to take my word for it when I tell you I’ve built a small lab in my basement lair, and I use it to test various hypotheses about anal sex, orgasms, and my action figure collection. When I get tired of all the research, sometimes I pull up PornoLab and check their research notes. Today, I’m fist deep in their Anal section.
PornoLab.su ain’t the biggest free sex tube on the web, but they do pull a couple of million visits per month. They’ve got a few thousand movies in their butt fucking collection, which should be more than enough to help me get off a couple of times before I get back to my experiments. I just popped some of the homemade Viagra I’ve been working on, and with any luck, I’ll have a nice anal-porn-induced jizz explosion on the way.
Something Strange Is Afoot at the PornoLab
Shit. I wonder if the semen scientists at PornoLab are having trouble writing their research grant proposals. I hit the landing page and it looks fucked up-already. The header graphics don’t load so I’m just staring at some broken image icons at the top of the screen. A similar issue is happening to the usual wall of porn you see on every tube site. Half the thumbnails are missing. It’s a wall, alright, but it’s a real half-ass job like Donald Trump built it or something. I refreshed the page, but the second attempt is no better. Neither is the third or the fourth. Each time, I still get a bunch of broken or missing graphics on the screen. It’s like the website just doesn’t have enough bandwidth to serve up all its horny viewers. Hey! I’m trying to masturbate here! That’s a pretty bad sign, but I know PornoLab wouldn’t get millions of visitors if we couldn’t watch any anal sex movies. The thumbnails I can see do look pretty fucking hot. There are a bunch of full-length scenes on the menu from major studios and websites like Dog Fart Network, Brazzers and Woodman Casting. I see girls like Joanna Angel, Sofia Grace and Adriana Chechik taking it up their tight assholes. I clicked the button at the bottom of the screen to move to the next page. Instead of another screen full of salad-tossing, booty hole fingering, and hardcore anal fisting, I get a goddamn Connection Timed Out error. All the anal sex scientists seem to have gone home, leaving the PornoLab closed and useless.WTF Is Wrong with This Anal Tube?
I hate to admit this, but I don’t think my DIY erectile pills are working correctly. My 2-inch monster feels like it’s on fire and has started leaking a thick, yellow discharge that smells a lot like Doritos. I’m a little bit worried I’m going to have to go to the hospital before I get one of these anal movies on PornoLab to even load. I wonder if The Porn Dude ever runs into serious medical complications from his own sexual experimentation. I kind of doubt it, because why would a guy with a giant penis and a ton of game risk poisoning himself just for a slightly harder wiener? This seems like the exclusive domain of a pathetic neckbeard who lives in his mom’s basement and tries his best to watch butt-fucking movies. I refreshed the page a few minutes later and it came back, at least for the most part. There are still a bunch of missing graphics, but whatever. As long as one of these thumbnails leads to an actual shit-packing movie, we are fucking golden. I made my way to a Tushy video, mainly because I’ve always been a big fan of their flicks. The thumbnail for this one doesn’t load, but the title tells me Alice Pink is in it and it’s a good 45 minutes long. I’ve never lasted more than 20 seconds, and that’s with a tube of penis-numbing cream slathered on the little guy, so this should do me real good.Help! I Can’t See Any Butt-Fucking!
The video description beneath the player says that Alice is a troublemaker with a serious addiction to getting fucked up the butt. Her parents sent her to a therapist to help deal with the issue, but it turns out he’s a bit of a booty poking enthusiast himself. The tags below tell me the scene contains Anal, Ass to Mouth, Butt Plugs, Gaping, Rimming and more. Unfortunately, I can’t watch the fucking thing. The Play button doesn’t do anything. I tried refreshing the page a few times, hoping it would load correctly. Half the time it doesn’t load at all, coming back with a big error message, the rest of the time it comes back broken again. I guess I won’t be jerking off to this movie. Just for shits and giggles, I clicked the Download button beneath the video. I was surprised the link worked in any way at all, but it just leads to a different error message. This one says my access is denied because of an account problem, but provides no information about how to fix the problem. Cool, thanks. Assholes.A Sad Day for Rectal Researchers Everywhere
I went back to the front page of PornoLab’s Anal area. This time I clicked on one of the thumbnails that actually loaded, a Dog Fart Network movie of Whitney Wright taking on two Big Black Cocks. The thumbnail shows this hot slut all stretched out by a huge dick poking out of a glory hole. I kind of hope to lose my virginity in one of those things since it would hide my disgusting, fat, smelly body from the lovely lady smoking my teeny, tiny pole. Well, that one’s a bust, too. Most of the page loads the first time, but that Play button just leads to more endless loading. When I refreshed the page, I couldn’t get it to load again at all. I get a message saying the site is currently offline, but they’ll let me look at a “current snapshot of the site.” That would be kind of useful if the snapshot included the video, but I can’t see any of the interracial anal action mentioned on the screen. Bullshit! I’m more than a little annoyed, and not just because I can’t watch this girl get her asshole pounded through a hole in the wall. There are other features scattered around the page I’d like to try out if any of that shit was working. The AUTO NEXT button, for example, seems like it would make for easy, hands-free wanking. They’ve got Previous and Next buttons to shuffle around in what is apparently an anal sex playlist, plus a whole selection of Screenshots for each movie. When I first loaded the page, I figured I’d end this review with a little warning for the moral fags about how the site is good but the smut is probably stolen. Well, I guess it doesn’t fucking matter at all since you can’t actually watch any of it. Spam ain’t a problem, either, since the site just doesn’t work. PornoLab gets millions of hits per month, which leads me to believe that it has to work at least some of the time. On the surface, it looks like it would be a good place to shake your dick at premium butt-humping movies without shelling out a big chunk of your monthly allowance. (We need that for mayonnaise and collectible anime cards.) My visit to PornoLab.su’s Anal section was a total waste of fucking time. The site was crippled to the point of uselessness, and I didn’t get to watch a single video. It looks like it might be good when it works, so give it a look if you think it’s worth the risk of your time. I’ll probably be doing my anal experiments at a porno lab (or tube) that works instead.- Several thousand purported anal movies
- Top porn sluts and studios, supposedly
- Theoretical free streaming and downloads
- Serious web issues make porn viewing impossible
- Piracy?
Find a better FREE anal porn tube site than PORNOLAB on PornGeek!
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