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Pornky
I woke up this morning with a voice drifting into the basement, saying, “Porky. Hey, Porky. Time to wake up, fatty!” It’s my typical wake-up call whenever my sister visits, even though she’s even fatter than I am these days. I almost waddled up the stairs to yell at her, but I knew I’d be winded by the time I got halfway. Instead, I decided to add one letter to her insult and pretend she was yelling Pornky at me. You want me to jerk off to a free tube, sis? Don’t mind if I fucking do!
I don’t know what the fuck they were thinking when they registered Pornky.com back in 2002. Was it truly just a misspelled insult against the fattest among us? Perhaps it was originally intended as a BBW porn site or a sex tube sponsored by that famous manufacturer of sex lube. Regardless of what the original intent was, it has grown into a wildly popular archive of full-length porn scenes.
Enough Porn for 20,000 Perverts
I have to admit, I’ve never had my finger on the pulse of what’s cool or good or popular. My points of reference for how to interact with humans come from Reddit and 4Chan, and I’m wearing a fedora right now. I love how the Internet gives me hard fucking numbers to work with, so I can gauge something’s popularity without having to know a bunch of normal people who I talk to and interact with. I know perverts are really into Pornky because they get over 20,000 visitors a day. Those numbers make me feel like I’m in some kind of club, some mob of anonymous perverts shaking our dicks at our screens in basements worldwide. We’re all united by our love of free hardcore porn starring girls like Adriana Chechik and Brooke Haze, who I see getting violated right there on the front page. We, this army of freeloading deviates and lesbian orgy enthusiasts, are an unstoppable force who will never again be oppressed by older sisters who bang on our doors, threaten to kidnap our anime princess body pillows and burn our collection of original Pokemon fisting doujinshi. Something about Pornky’s rich selection of free smut is pumping me up today. Sissy is calling me a dork, but there’s a scene here with a dork getting fucked really hard. Well, a shemale with a big cock does the fucking, but still, it shows that people like me do get laid sometimes. It’s fucking proof, goddamnit! I’m not going to die a lonely virgin, no matter what you say! One day I’m going to be a legit porn dude, like The Porn Dude! I spot a scene of a young petite teen getting it on with her step-brother. As sissy yells down the stairs that she can smell my aromatic musk wafting through the floor, stinking up the rest of the house, I wonder if I can still have that kind of relationship with her. I mean, we’re a few decades and a few hundred pounds older than this couple, but a man can dream, can’t he?Free Spam with Your Taboo Video Smut
I got a pop-under for Chaturbate when I clicked through to the taboo teen scene. The cam girl was cute, but not who I came for. As my mom started yelling for me to either take out the trash, get a job, or move out, I put on my headphones and clicked the Play button. After a few seconds of buffering, the clip started playing at 720p. You can bump the resolution up to 1080p, but I had buffering issues when I did that. It’s a Passion-HD scene, according to the little intro and the watermark. At 24 minutes long, I don’t think it’s a sample. I get the feeling Pornky doesn’t have permission to stream this or offer the free downloads available beneath the player. That 720p is a little grainy, another sign that it was ripped from somewhere else. I’d complain more, but who am I to judge? I’ve practically been living on McDonald’s ketchup for the past couple of weeks. There’s no sign on the pump saying I’m not allowed to fill up my old chocolate milk jugs. Anyway, I’m watching this little whore on her knees, getting her pussy licked clean with a noble goal in mind. If I study the asshole fingering hard enough, maybe I can finally form a good relationship with my own sister. You know, if I had two nickels of my own to rub together, this scene might entice me into a membership at the real site. This little babe is talented as hell. I realize now if anyone in this house attempted that kind of humping, spines would snap, vital organs would crush into paste, and the very foundation of the building would crumble. There’s always hope for a fat-cart blowjob instead, I guess.Jacking Off to the Good Stuff on a Bum’s Budget
I got another Chaturbate pop-under when I went back to the latest offerings. It was the same cute girl, though by this time she was playing a set of electronic drums. Still not as hot as the Latina with a mouth full of dick at the top of Pornky. That full-length scene, it turns out, comes from another paysite. It seems like every clip I look at runs 20 minutes to an hour and comes from a place like HardX, Blacked, Mofos, or DDF Network. One of the most popular scenes on the site is that classic Mia Khalifa threesome from BangBros, where she and her pious mom double-team on some lucky motherfucker. If you’re some kind of uptight moral fag, all that (potentially) pirated smut might piss you off or make your boner feel weird. In that case, check out my list of free tube sites to find something more to your liking. Some of the better tubes are full of legit samples uploaded by the studios themselves. On the other hand, I know you library masturbators are going to be happy about the selection of free premium smut here. I blew my allowance on generic aerosol cheese that I think has made my diarrhea much worse, so I won’t talk shit about free sex movies. If anything, I wish I could type the name of a studio in the search bar and pull up a stash, but it didn’t work.Drunk Girls with Big Boobs Get Their Feet Fucked
The category page has nice thumbnails to illustrate each of Pornky’s smutty subgenres, but there aren’t any surprises here other than a few dozen fudge-packing scenes filed under a grinning twink labeled Gay. There’s a chick with huge knockers representing their 2,000 Big Tits movies, and a hot Ebony chick showing off her twat for the 400 Black flicks. There are tons of Blondes and Group Sex, and nearly 2400 Teen fuck scenes. My own teenage years were wasted playing MMOs while guzzling nacho cheese and Monster Energy. There’s no Incest or Taboo category, even though you see it all over the site. Pornky isn’t vanilla, but it doesn’t seem like it really caters to the extra-kinky pervs out there. There are under 100 BDSM scenes, about 50 squirting clips, and just a few dozen fisting movies. You may end up searching really hard if you want golden showers porn or hard fetish movies, and you may still come up empty handed. There are some Categories listed in the sidebar that aren’t on the Categories page. They remind me of a better, more pornographically sexy version of my own world. The intoxicated harlots filed under Drunk ain’t the screaming flab monsters that haunt my evenings, and the Fat girls are barely even chubby by the local definition, which includes copious, gelatinous rolls festooned with hair tufts and open sores. The Feet giving footjobs look nothing like the elephant hooves and cankles shaking dust from the ceiling above me. Even though Pornky kept shoving spam at me during my morning wank session, it’s hard to complain about all the full-length, pornstar-studded movies I got to watch for free. I think it might be pirated, which is going to bother some of you, but it’s a goldmine if you don’t contemplate intellectual property rights while slamming a lubed-up silicone mouth on your cock.- Tons of full-length porn scenes
- Top pornstars and studios
- Regular updates
- Free streaming and downloads
- Spam
- Piracy?
Find a better FREE porn tube site than PORNKY.COM on PornGeek!
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