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PerfectGirls
PerfectGirls! It was mother’s birthday last week so it was my job to take her out and show her a good time. She didn’t want to spend any of her money so we only had my welfare check to rely on. I took her birthday seriously though. I wore my nicest silk button-up shirt complete with my favorite anime gal (guess who it is and I’ll visit your house!) and my nicest pair of cargo shorts. I combed my hair, brushed my teeth, put on a nice pair of socks to wear with my sandals, the whole nine yards.
I held the door open for mother as we walked inside. It actually felt like I was going on a date for once! We had a good conversation: I told her about my reviews to which she said she had read them all and they were disgusting. If it wasn’t for her mooching off of my welfare check every month, “I’d throw you out on your fucking ass,” and that was news to me! “You’re stealing from me?!?” I screamed at her. “What are you going to do about it you fucking pussy? Nothing,” she said as she slapped me in the face. “Go get your mother some goddamn ice cream you worthless piece of shit.”
I did as I was told. I grabbed a bowl and yanked the handle of the ice cream machine as hard as I could, still angry that my own mother was stealing from me. And there wasn’t anything I could do about it either. I’m a little coward with a tiny ghost penis: the only thing I have to give is my enlightened male feminist brain! Someday, a beautiful Asian goddess will arrive at my home, sweep me off my feet, and show me the dedication and attention I deserve. Until then, I have to live in the hell that is my mother’s basement I suppose…
The ice cream filled the bowl and I viciously through the handle up to make it stop. Except it wouldn’t! Ice cream kept coming out of the machine, spilling out over the bowl, and onto the floor. I tried to unplug it but I was too weak to yank the power cord from the outlet. When I walked back over to try to turn the handle off again, I slipped and hit my head on the machine itself!
I was flat on my back in a puddle of ice cream with more ice cream pouring onto my face. Everyone was now standing up and looking at what was happening. Most of them were laughing at me. I tried to get off the floor but my back was thrown out when I cracked it on the cement floor. Nobody came over to help me up and I eventually became trapped in a huge pile of ice cream.
Shivering and just wanting to go back to my basement I began to scream for mother. “Mother,” I yelled, now crying and panicking. “Help me up and take me home! Mother, please!” An Asian woman walked over to me and asked me if the old woman with a strange growth on her neck was my mother. I told her it was and she explained to me that my mother said to her that, “that retarded man is not my son and I’m leaving this dump!” I began to cry, once again being disowned by my mother. She looked at me with such kind eyes that I immediately grabbed her hair and kissed her. Normally I wouldn’t be that bold but being trapped under a heavy pile of ice cream will make you hallucinate. She obviously didn’t feel the same way because I immediately began kicking me in the side of the head. Then her husband kicked me in the side of the head. Then her three small children kicked me in the side of the head. Her three-year old’s daughter kicked knocked me out until I woke up in a hospital.
“We found you under a pile of ice cream at 10 pm…” explained the doctor. “Everyone ate around you and no one helped you up until the business had to close. In fact, no one wanted to see your face so they kept pouring ice cream on it. You were enveloped in a pile of ice cream for six hours and have the worst case of hypothermia I’ve ever seen. You also have head trauma from the kicks of a three-year-old because your skull is so weak and sensitive. This is off subject but you have the smallest penis this ward has ever seen.
The doctor turned and began to walk out of the room. “You will be billed appropriately for this,” he said, then walked away.
I began to cry. Luckily I had my phone and began to search for the perfect girl to take me away from this hell. I came across a free tube site called Perfect Girls during my search. Despite being in so much pain and the doctor telling me I may die at any moment I want to share this site with you that is sure to satisfy my white knight fans! Come take a look at it, won’t you?
Option to turn off video previews
One of the things that drives me crazy is when a video preview begins to automatically play when you barely touch the thumbnail. I know it makes ThePornDude want to rip someone’s head off and drink their blood out of their neck like a vampire’s chalice (he’s so alpha he could totally do it too!) and in a way I guess that’s why it makes me so angry *holds fists and makes face get red like a cherry tomato to show how mad it makes me.* Perfect Girls must know how it makes spicy boys like us PISSED OFF (like what I did there PornDude?) so they added the option to turn off video previews. It’s a good idea especially if you don’t want to ruin what’s in the video and keep it a surprise. I know for me personally, I never like to know what the female in each video is going to do before I click on it. Maybe she is going to take her clothes off so I can admire the natural work of art that is her body? Perhaps she will bake a cake and tell me to come over and eat it for her? Or maybe she will propose to PornGeek and tell him she will free him from the cold hell that is his mother’s basement? You never know what wonders the next video awaits…Huge list of tags
I am a big fan of free tube sites with a good amount of tags. They let me find new things I never knew existed and look at videos of things I didn’t know I was in the mood for (like cosplaying Garfield videos: you never know what’s erotic until you know what’s erotic, you know?). Perfect Girls does this just as well as the best. Going through the list of tags available, you can find any kind of video you are looking for. Want to uplift a beautiful blonde female that is hula hooping or a mature Asian that is more goddess than human that is doing dishes? Perfect Girls will help you to find exactly what you are looking for.Needs more categories
As extensive as the tags are there should be more categories listed. Perfect Girls only lists a handful of categories and while they make my little penis do things it probably shouldn’t be doing at the moment because of my head trauma and hypothermia I wish there was more categories available. It’s a small gripe but when other free tube sites offer a laundry list of categories there isn’t much of an excuse on Perfect Girls’ part. *Tilts head and gives a big grin, sticking out tongue and putting on sunglasses* Look at me being spicy!Perfect Girls conveniently saves your video history
One thing that Perfect Girls does extremely well is it saves your video history. This is a feature I never knew I wanted in other free tube sites until I visited here. You don’t even need to be a member: as long as you agree to Perfect Girls using cookies to track you on the site every video you look at is listed in the video history. Remember that amazing Asian mature woman that was sweeping the floor and whispering sweet nothings in my ear a few weeks ago? If I had viewed the video on Perfect Girls I could have gone back and found the video again. But no, I didn’t do that. Now I have lost her forever. The angel I found in a video weeks ago is lost in the Internet cosmos and I can’t find her again! *Bends over and cries on the basement floor* “Curse this universe for cursing me to be alone forever!Videos load quickly with no buffering issues
A free tube site isn’t worth anything if the videos cannot load properly. I am happy to say that Perfect Girls does not have this problem! The videos load super quick and I never found any buffering issues once: not on desktop and certainly not on mobile. Trying to find the perfect video is painless as well. The thumbnails are large and detailed and the text descriptions are bold enough where it’s apparent what the video is about. Generally, it’s a well laid out site that isn’t an eyesore to look at. It’s functional and it just works which is what you want from a free tube site like Perfect Girls. If it can allow me to jump in and compliment as many women as possible before mother comes down to drunkenly curse at me and insult my appearance it’s a winner in my book!- Turn video previews on and off
- A laundry list of tags
- Perfect Girls saves your watch history
- Videos load super quick with no buffering issues
- Functional and easy to navigate on mobile and desktop
- Needs more categories
Find a better FREE porn tube site than PERFECTGIRLS.NET on PornGeek!
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