Hypno Hub! Watch the pendulum. Don’t take your eyes off of it.You are getting tired. Very, very tired. Don’t blink. Don’t break eye contact. Just follow the swinging pendulum.Good. Now close your eyes. You’re falling asleep. When I snap my fingers, you’ll obey my every word.You’re going to suck my cock. You’re going to let me fuck you.Oh, wait, you’re a guy?Ok, well. Finish sucking, at least. Then you’re going to give me the phone number of every attractive girl that you know. Send me any nudes they’ve sent you, too. And while you’re at it, maybe send me some money, too. On second thought, just give me the log-in information to your bank’s website, I can take care of things myself.*snap*Did it work? Damn it. Maybe next time. Better keep practicing.In the meantime, I’m going to go back to HypnoHub. Hypnotism may not work for me in real life (yet), but at least there’s plenty of good porn to be found.
Getting Lost In The World
My biggest gripe with HypnoHub is that navigating the site is nearly incomprehensible at first. From the home page, you’ll want to click posts, but everything is pretty much a clusterfuck from there. You’ll see a collection of posts in the middle of the page and some tags on the right, but they all seem chosen at random.As it turns out, the pictures displayed are the most recent ones, even though it’s not immediately obvious that that is the case. The tags listed on the sidebar, for whatever reason, are just the tags that appear in those twenty or so recent pictures. Why there’s no option to change this sort or display a full list of tags from here is beyond me, but there’s no use complaining about what we can’t change so let’s move on.What you’ll want to do is click the little arrow next to posts on the navigation bar. Then click “Popular,” and once you’re there you’ll probably want to change the time frame to something else so that you’re not just seeing the flavor of the day. This will give you the best idea of the type of content that HypnoHub has.But guess what? The tags are mysteriously missing from this page. To get to tags you’ll have to click “Tags” in the navigation bar (which I’m sure you could have figured out) which brings you to a list of… alphabetical user-uploaded tags, about nine-tenths of which are entirely useless. And, no, I’m not exaggerating: of the top five tags listed when I visited the site, none had more than two images associated with it, and two had zero. Yes, zero. A tag without an image is infinitely more useless than no tags at all, so this page didn’t help me out much.
So next I did what anyone would expect—below the “Tags” arrow is another “Popular” list, just like for the posts themselves. Unfortunately, this section is still flawed—you’ll get twenty or so of the most popular tags over any given period of time, but there’s no real way to expand that list.What you’ll actually need to do is go back to the main tags listing, click the drop-down box called “Order,” and switch it to “Count.” Despite the unorthodox terminology, this is how you get to what should have been presented to you immediately—a list of every single one of the site’s tags, sorted by how popular each tag is. It was a long journey, but now we’ve finally got something we can use. From femsub, to happy trance, to empty eyes, this is where the gold mine begins.
Finding My Way Out, Then Getting Lost Again
All complaints aside, once you figure out how things work, things aren’t as bad as they seem. Most of the pictures have accurate and extensive tags, so searching for what you’re looking for actually works better than you might expect. The tags naming characters, in particular, are well-populated, so if there’s a certain fictional person that you’d like to see hypnotized, you can usually find them pretty quickly just by typing their name.The same can’t be said of another of the site’s sections. HypnoHub has something called “Pools”, which are essentially curated galleries of images made by other users. They can contain images by one artist or multiple, and of single subjects or as many as the creator wants—the sky is the limit. This section should be a great way to find the content you like, but it’s missing any options that would make it useful.The only two ways to browse pools are through a list that can’t be sorted in any way but chronologically, and a search function. You can’t sort by the size of the pool, the popularity, or any other useful metric—you’re basically stuck typing in terms at random and hoping you run across something great.The same is true of the “Artists” section—if you know who you’re looking for the section will let you find them easily, but it’s next to useless when it comes to discovery. Unless, of course, you have the time and desire to just start clicking names at random, but even I won’t stoop that low. Well, I might on occasion, but I don’t expect you to be that big of a loser, and neither should the developers of HypnoHub.
Don’t get me wrong. I like HypnoHub. The porn here is unique, sexy, and high-quality enough that I can overlook these flaws. I’m just disappointed. It’s like when mommy says that she’s not mad at me, but that she just wishes I could apply myself and do better things than sleeping until noon and spending my day jerking off seven days a week. Except, while I’m such a loser than I probably couldn’t, I think HypnoHub has enough going for it that a few touchups could make it an excellent site.I haven’t really touched much on what it does have going for it, so let’s do that. The site is basically like a super-niche Rule 34 site. That is to say that there is porn of just about every fictional character that you could image, except it all involves hypnotism in some way. There are characters being hypnotized to enjoy sex, characters hypnotized to be completely unaware that they’re even having sex, and in between. You’ll find shy, frigid girls turned into sluts, and strong, powerful women turned into dead-eyed sex dolls.All of this porn is community created, so the quality naturally varies, but a vast majority of the artists are talented. Plus, once you learn to properly navigate the site, it’s fairly easy to stick to the good stuff. Just find an artist (or ten) that you like, and you’ll have so much hypno-porn that you won’t know what to do with yourself.
There’s one other downside of HypnoHub—they seem to have mastered the art of hypnotizing my ad blocker, because no matter what I do I can’t stop at least some of their ads from forcing themselves upon my innocent browser. There’s nothing crazy, and I wouldn’t say that they’re so obtrusive that they ruin the site, but it’s still an annoyance worth mentioning.It’s really the content of the ads that upsets me more than the fact that they exist, though. The ads for Cialis, Levitra, and Viagra piss me off—its almost as if they know that my obesity and lack of physical fitness make my dick not work, and they’re taunting me for it. Well, the joke is on you, ad people, I already have a prescription.Although… now that I think about it, I could probably use an extra boost. And those prices are cheaper than what I’m paying… Plus, I wouldn’t have to go tell the doctor about my embarrassing peepee problems anymore…
I take it back. The ads are fine. I still think I should warn you that HypnoHub’s ads might find a way through your ad-blocking software, but I withdraw my complaint. Bring on the boners.