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HustlerParodies
Hustler Parodies! Hustler doesn’t have the best reputation anymore among the modern porn consumer. The name was always associated with old-school magazine porn, where you’ll see a nice set of torpedo tits and a hairy bush, but not much else. Sure, it’s a classic, but we’ve progressed beyond that, right?
That being said, even back in the day, Hustler’s magazine was a bit more explicit than Playboy and Penthouse. Playboy might show you a cute blonde with her legs closed, but she’d open up and show you the goods when she posed for Hustler. If you were lucky enough, you might even see her get fucked.
No matter what they wanted, though, in the end, it was still a magazine. There’s a limitation on how explicit magazines can get, both due to censorship laws and the nature of the medium. No matter how hardcore a magazine wants to be, it’s not going to come close to being able to provide what videos can.
But Hustler is more than just a magazine. It actually didn’t even start that way—back in the 1970s, Larry Flint actually started Hustler to advertise for a chain of strip clubs that he ran. The company still owns clubs, bars, and even porn stores that sell sex toys.
They’ve also got a range of porn sites: Hustler recognized fairly early on that magazines were a dying business, so they shifted with the times. These days, even if the magazine is still what they’re known for, it’s only a small part of the business compared to Hustler.com and its sister sites.
One of my favorites in the Hustler family is Hustler Parodies—a site dedicated to explicit parodies of all of your favorite TV shows, movies, video games, and more. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll cum. What more could you want?
A Parade of Parodies
If it was a popular piece of media at any point in the last decade or so, Hustler has probably done a porn parody of it. If you’ve got something specific in mind, the search bar at the top should let you find it, since most videos have the name of whatever they’re parodying right in the titles. Unfortunately, you can’t filter videos by their source material, but there is an extensive genre listing that you can browse through. This won’t help you find Dracula porn, or Fallout porn, or Star Trek porn, but it will let you jump right to blowjobs or buttfucking. If you’re not too picky about what’s being parodied, but you’re still picky about who you watch get fucked, you’ll love the pornstar listing that can be accessed using the navigation bar at the top of the site. Pretty much all of the big names are here: you’ve got contemporary classics like Nicola Aniston, Sasha Grey, and Adriana Chechik, alongside your old favorites like Asa Akira, Lisa Ann, and Alexis Texas. If you’re a fan of Community (six seasons and a movie!) you’ll definitely want to check out “This Ain’t Community XXX,” which features Alexis Texas playing a version of Britta who decides that she needs to have sex with just an inexplicably muscular version of Abed. Another great one is the Silence of the Lambs parody—it starts off the same as the original, until liver, fava beans, and a nice chianti are replaced with Clarice’s wet pussy. On top of that, there are about a thousand parody videos featuring Marvel characters, so if the three hundred movies that Disney has pushed out in that overstuffed genre didn’t satisfy you, you can find even more content on Hustler parodies. This Tony Stark might not be played by quite as capable of an actor, but I’m sure they share the same drug-addicted past, so at least there is some authenticity there. Hustler Parodies isn’t afraid to shy away from controversy. One of the most popular videos on the site, “The Donald,” is an edgy parody of everyone’s favorite Cheeto: the 45th President of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump. In fact, the site actually has multiple videos featuring the commander-in-chief, so if you so desire you can watch him get into all sorts of sexual situations with Ivanka, Melania, Sarah Palin, or Carly Fiorina—the sky is the limit. They’ve even got reality TV parodies: if you’ve ever thought that there’s been a bit of unresolved sexual tension after Gordon Ramsay tore a restaurant owner a new one, you’ll want to check out the “This Ain’t Hell’s Kitchen XXX” series, which normally features Gordon Ramsay much more literally tearing restaurant owners a new one. If you are a fan of porn magazines, or if you just want to relive the nostalgia from when you first found your dad’s stash of Hustler magazines, you’ll be pleased to know that the site does offer image galleries, and even full scans of the last ten years of the back catalog of Hustler, Barely Legal, and Hustler’s Taboo (Hustler’s BDSM-themed publication. The magazines are in full HD quality, and you can even flip through them on a tablet or cellphone. They’re really superior to the actual magazines in pretty much every single way. Plus, they’re easier to hide, so you won’t get spanked by your dad when he finds the pages stuck together after you’re done. Probably.Can’t Knock The Hustle
Just like you’d have to pay to buy a Hustler magazine from the newsstand, you won’t be able to get into Hustler Parodies for free. That being said, for what you get, the price is fantastic. The site contains over twelve thousand videos to date, and since Hustler is such a giant in the industry, there’s at least one new video uploaded every single day. On top of all that, a membership to Hustler Parodies comes with access to every single one of the many sites that Hustler operates: you’ve got the flagship Hustler site, VCA Classics (for classics from the 70s, 80s, and 90s), and at least twenty other options to give you a bit of variety. Last, but certainly not least, your membership will bring you access to a virtual coupon book of porn savings. If twelve thousand videos aren’t enough to satisfy your ever-growing perversion, you can always sneak off to this section with your mom’s credit card and save a little bit of money on just about every other porn site that exists. If you go with the longest-term membership, you’ll be paying less for the entire website than you would for one single magazine at newsstand prices: about ten dollars a month. A three-month membership is a bit less appealing, at nearly twice that price, and a one-month is even worse at about a dollar a day. But, if you’re not ready to jump to the value option, they’ve got a two-day trial period that you can purchase for just a dollar. If you’re really on the fence, I’d recommend choosing this option, and then either deciding to go in for the long haul or back out entirely. Just make sure that you make your decision before the two days are up—if you’re too busy jerking off to remember, the trial will automatically renew at the most expensive rate. When it comes to actually making the payment, Hustler makes parting with your cash as easy as possible. They accept all major credit cards, as expected, but there are also a whole bunch of alternative options. You can pay via PayPal, trade your gift cards for membership (so that your sweet granny’s Target gift card doesn’t go to waste), or, if you’re over the age of eighty or some kind of time-traveling Luddite, you can even send Hustler a check. Thankfully, they use discreet billing, so nobody will have any idea that you’re paying for the privilege of watching Daenerys Targaryen, First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals (and so on) get fucked by Khal Drogo and her handmaidens, and even get eaten out by the eunuch Lord Varys, in slightly more explicit detail than the actual show. This is another improvement over the magazine: you won’t have to face the stares of Mr. Patel as he watches you pick out the magazine for the tenth month in a row, either.- Huge and constantly growing library
- Videos featuring the biggest names in porn
- Scans of the Hustler, Barely Legal, and Taboo magazine back catalogs
- Short-term membership prices are a bit high
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