Rule Porn! If you’re a longtime porn pioneer, like me, the PornGeek, then you’re probably sick of fake porn sets. They always have guys with absolutely massive dicks and gorgeous women that losers like me, or even you, can only dream about. That’s why I discovered this site called RulePorn.com, and it’s basically a site consisting of homemade porn. Here, you can see guys like us getting an actual chance to sleep with ladies that look decent enough. Just regular people doing sexual things. It helps me get my hopes up and sleep better when the darkness arises. If that hits your nerve like it hits mine, stay with me and read this review ’till the end. Now let’s begin.
The first look
You see, some sites go with the obvious black and pink route, and their site usually looks classy. But somehow, RulePorn.com has managed to ruin the most classical color scheme approach in the game. Instead of looking like a Playboy magazine twist filled with juicy porn, it just seems like my mom’s underpants that she used to wear while she was still fit. Sometimes I sniff them when she’s asleep, simply to wash away images of her new underwear that could be used to build like a thousand tents. And just like her underpants, this site seems to be filled with shitty suspicious contents as well. For example, the videos look awkwardly lined up, because of the color, and because of the space between them.
See, unlike my mom’s underpants, this site actually has TOO MUCH space for breathing between the videos. And when you scroll down, it’s just different types of videos as well. Decent, but nothing special. And also, one thing that bothers the fuck out of me is the fact that there are categories at the top of the site, and then they put them again on the left side of it as well. Are you trying to make your website more visually appealing by filling it with totally bland shit on purpose, or did you just run out of ideas? I have yet to try the content, but for now, the artistic side definitely sucks balls. Like my mom, when they’re mixed with spaghetti.
The ridiculousness that is the navigation and a bit about the content
Okay, in my days, I’ve seen many porn sites, and most of them go with the classic route, yeah. Which means like categories, videos, models, and then they just throw the videos out there and stick them all over the site, making it seem like a library. But when they combine it with style, it can look like something amazing, and that’s usually when ThePornDude gives like an awesome description, and then I cream my pants. But trust me, even ThePornDude would agree with me on this, this site just looks horrible. It seems cheap, and the classical route that they took doesn’t help their case at all. If anything, it makes it seem even less serious. That’s at least what I personally have to say about RulePorn.com’s system.
But, at least when you enter the pictures, it doesn’t look so bad. Sure, you’re confused at first, but then you manage to find your way around. Same with me after I got a concussion while trying to play soccer and be social for the first time. That’s when I learned my lesson, and that’s why I’m hiding in my house like a vampire. But one thing that vampires don’t do is that they don’t post porn pictures. Luckily people that look like vampires do, and that’s how we got this fantastic amateur/homemade content in the first place. Okay, I know I made fun of RulePorn.com for looking cheap, but their content actually gives them the pass to be lazy at least on some parts of the site. Here, you can see ordinary people posting their shit, which is cool. You should definitely check their pictures out. Those are the people that are still capable of expressing themselves sexually without shame, unlike me.
And about the videos, even though they maybe don’t look attractive at first glance, it’s probably because you don’t see massive fake tits, expensive cars, beaches of California, mansions and everything that you usually see in those videos. Instead, you’re just looking at regular people doing wild things in their bedroom. And if you’re depraved enough, like me, you basically need to enhance that porn experience by making it feel even closer to you, so that you can try to imagine yourself there. Pretty pathetic, but that’s what I do, and why I’m a fan of homemade porn in the first place. I no longer get homemade food, my mom is too heavy to stand next to the stove, so I might as well replace it with something else that is homemade, right? Right? No? Okay, sorry.
I guess the only major perk on RulePorn.com that you get is the literal exposure. Now let me clarify this quickly. You can post your own porn, or upload your own content of any type, and other people will see it and be able to interact with it, and you can interact with their shit as well. So what I’m trying to say is – you actually have a shot at recreating something that at least vaguely resembles a social life, no matter how twisted it is. If my dick still appropriately worked, I would probably like upload a video of myself masturbating, hoping to find an Indian guy pretending to be a girl, and then maybe we could form like a relationship or something.
But, that’s not gonna happen. At this point, I feel like I should just become a crossdresser, and then maybe someone sick enough would notice. Oh, did I say that out loud? Those are just fantasies, or at least my shrink said so… But he did give me some suspicious medicine though, so I don’t know if I can trust him. I think he calls that ‘abandonment issues’ or something like that?
About the categories, I think that this is the only part of RulePorn.com that is tolerable at least. Visually, I mean. The content is okay in general, but seriously, this is killing me. Thank god that I could take a break here. Anyways, it’s okay to say that the categories are actually neatly arranged and that they make sense. I hate it when the categories are like something sickly specific, like ‘sex on a green bush with three branches,’ like who makes that shit up? And the great thing is that there’s a lack of this here — just your usual stuff like anal, blowjobs, Asian, and whatnot. Like a restaurant, pick up your portion and consume it. I guess that’s why we have all those takeaway boxes in our apartment since my mommy eats a lot of cheeseburgers.
And when you enter a specific category on RulePorn.com, and I usually just click straight on Asian (I like to believe Asian girls are actually crazy enough to be interested in me, but I know that’s a tough case), and then I browse in peace. Basically, you just have videos lined up, and that’s it, no further philosophy needed. Do you think I have time for this shit? My father’s out there sniffing glue again, who do you think has to bathe this giant land whale that I call my mother? Fuck!
Registration and conclusion
About the registration, it’s free, and it’s simple. Just like the donations we get ever since we lost our savings. In case you’re wondering, my father spent them on opioids and chicken wings. He couldn’t even treat me to a prostitute. You see, he always complains about me being a virgin and then he does shit like that! No wonder why I’m fucked up, Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, I’m sorry, I lost my train of thoughts… My mom is trying out something called ‘med-free weekends,’ and she asked me to go through it with her.
Oh, wait, it happened again! Sorry! Anyways, the registration is simple. Just type in your email, create a password, and a unique nickname, and that’s it. You also have to prove that you’re a human, but honestly, no sane human would enter this site anyways, so yeah. I mean the conclusion to this is that the site is okay. Artistically speaking, it’s horrendous. But if we’re talking about the content strictly, then yeah, that’s okay and actually enjoyable. Anyways, I have to go puke now. I guess this is what they call malnutrition, right?
PornGeek likes RulePorn
- Good content
- It's free
- Gives you a chance to upload your own content
PornGeek hates RulePorn
- Awful coloring
- Bad organization
- Pain in the ass to navigate