First, whoever came up with the idea for the name of this site was either a fucking genius or a complete and utter moron. The reason why I'm saying this is because when I say Zoig out loud, I don't think about porn or masturbation, I basically imagine Shaggy from Scooby-Doo whispering in my ear while using only five percent of his power, so yeah. Anyways this is your host PornGeek, otherwise known as the trashy version of ThePornDude, and this is another one of these weird-ass porn reviews. You know I live for this shit, even though I'll never be that good at it as ThePornDude is, so you're just going to have to bear with me for a second here. Anyways, let us begin and not drag this pathetic showdown any further.
The first look, otherwise known as 'what the fuck is this'
You know, I don't want to be negative all the time, or rag on any site I get, but this deserves some serious polishing. First of all, instead of looking like a regular/normal porn site, this looks like one of those ad sites where people post shit about things they want to sell. It says right at the beginning that this is an amateur porn site, and it is amateur as fuck, that's for sure. You can't expect a useful review if you're not willing to put in any effort. You know, my mother once said that no matter how much effort I put into these reviews, that it's going to get me nowhere and I'm going to die alone. And I guess she was right. What, you expected some motivational speech? You know me, I'm the most pathetic guy on this Earth. Anyways, to continue with my witty observations.What's cool, but useless, is the fact that the site is gauging your eyes out with the exact number of pictures and videos that were posted. I guess it's cool if you care about the amount of content on the site, especially if you love amateur porn. But on a place that's this trashy, it just looks like it had nothing else useful to put in, so they just like slapped the information across your screen and expect you to swallow it and think cool things about it. Next up, we have a list of categories, videos, photos, members, and whatnot. And arguably this is probably the best thing about this site, which is kind of sad because it's just a regular list that you can find on any porn site.
Zoig.com at least did one good thing, which is navigation. It's perfectly comfortable to browse this site, and you don't need to stress too much about it. As I said, you don't have many features that are that great already, so it kind of cuts back on the troublesome part of browsing and finding the right videos to masturbate too, which I can appreciate. My right hand is more jacked than my left hand anyway, so it looks like I can maybe cut back on the time that I spent on amateur porn sites and even it out a bit, which is cool.You can see great videos, which is awesome, because I expected the content to suck balls, but that's not the case. These videos are real amateur stuff, not that fake stuff that's produced and then just has the word amateur in the title. So I can respect the site on an individual level, because they are true to their cause, even if the artistic side isn't all that fantastic. So Zoig.com, I guess I have to commend you. What kind of sucks though, and what I never understood is the signing up part. If the site is already free and I don't need to pay to consume your content, why do you limit my previews to thirty seconds and then demand that I register in order to watch the full clip? Either just straight up tell me that I need to pay, or don't jerk me around. You know, this is the same thing that I've said to a prostitute once, but after that, her pimp beat the shit out of me, so even the last hope of me getting laid was thrown out the window, which is pretty sad. Again, like me.But you know, I did register, and I did find some cool shit on it. The reason why I told you about all of this is so you know what to expect when you hop on this site. The content on this site is impressive, and you can just straight up find anything that you want to see, whether it's oral, anal, vaginal sex, and anything in between that you like and that gets your dick hard and ready for a beating session. So that's another thing that I respect, and I openly admit that I underestimated this site a little bit in the beginning, so I apologize for that, Zoig.com.
Now, this is something that I can appreciate. You know, I love the general standard transaction that usually happens in typical stores. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like I just pay, and you give me shit. Or I don't pay, and you give me shit for free, so it doesn't matter anyway. Well, this site does just that. They don't jerk you around to pay, or they don't throw in a bunch of features that you're never going to use, and then demand that you pay for them. That's always been somewhat disgusting and immediately puts me off registering or buying the membership. So you get no perks, but you also don't need to splash out copious amounts of cash to watch a reasonably regular porn video in peace. And I'm also broke since lately I've been spending way too much cash on lube, because my dick hurts when it's dry from all those jerking sessions in my darkroom.
The categories are what I have mixed feelings about. Simply because some of them are good, and some of them are straight-up, not understandable. The cool ones maybe are like homemade anal, blowjobs, fisting, and whatnot. But the shitty ones are High-res sex and 100% real. What do you mean by that? If this is an amateur porn site, then it's expected of you to be truthful to your shit and to post HQ sex, whether you charge for it or not. Unless the whole catch is for the site to look silly and stupid as fuck, that is how I look and look where that got me. Nobody respects me, I've got no girlfriend, I've never had sex, I still live with my parents, and I've been idolizing ThePornDude without him even acknowledging me, so yeah. That sucks.Also, there aren't that many categories anyways, which can both be a good and a bad thing as well. But, since they concentrated some much on their content and the quality of it, I guess they can do whatever they want, and in this case, it worked for them, because I have no complaints whatsoever, at least about this. You know, I could complain about the state of my life and my addiction to porn, but my shrink said that there's no point in that. What a fucking liar, telling all those things for me and then leaving me after deeming me to be 'incurable.'
Registration and conclusion
If you want to register to Zoig.com, just know that the whole process is pretty easy, and even ThePornDude would agree with me on this one. You type some simple information about yourself, and you're in. No payments required, that's it, no need for further explanation. Comfortable, practical, enjoyable. Just like these new diapers that I'm wearing, I just got them recently. When it rains, it pours, so I might as well not leave my room for poop time anymore.In conclusion, me and this site started on the wrong foot, but in the end, as much as I think that this site is still trashy and it looks like a literal nightmare, from the practical side of things, we can agree that it has some fire ass content that's definitely going to please us weirdos. And that means that after this review ends, I'm not going to leave my room because I will be busy sampling the content myself. Happy jerking off, and go out to absorb some sunlight for me, please.