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PornoBae
Porno Bae! Mother has been another beast of a woman again! This morning she started screaming my name as she walked down the basement steps calling me a “waste of goddamn space,” and telling me I need to do chores around the house. “Go cook me some bacon you bitch,” she screamed at me. I was depressed all last night. I had lost my original Goku figure and couldn’t find it anywhere. I suspected mother had thrown it away in my absence but I couldn’t prove it. I will though…she will pay!
I walked up the stairs, only wanting to throw myself down the stairs and break my neck in anguish. “Why does the universe always throw its sadness on me?!?” I screamed aloud. “Shut the fuck up and cook me goddamn bacon now!” mother screamed. I stared at her imagining what it would take to shut her up permanently. The thought was intoxicating: I began to lick my lips without realizing it.
“Stop thinking about the bacon and go,” mother shouted. I did as I was told (begrudgingly of course) and began to fry the bacon. It’s easy. I’ve seen plenty of food-themed animes where the protagonist cooks bacon for his friends. One of them was a panda I actually met and befriended during my lucid dreams.
I started thinking about that panda. How we used to hold hands and run around in a field of dandelions. He was my only friend for a while, I just wish I could have met him awake instead of only in my dreams. I daydreamed too long because the bacon grease jumped up and got all over my body! I was on fire and mother sat there not giving two flips! I took my clothes off and ran into the yard, rolling around and crying uncontrollably. Our old neighbors ran outside and watched, doing nothing but pointing and making comments.
I also ruined mother’s only good frying pan. She beat me with it and I cried some more. Riddled with grease scars and the emotional scars of mother beating me senseless naked in front of the neighborhood I decided to try to see if maybe, just maybe that panda friend I had dreamt about was actually real. I did a few searches and while I didn’t find Timothy I did find a site called Pornobae. There were so many lovely ladies to complement it took my mind off of the terrible day I’ve had and I think you will like it too! Take a look and find the lovely females worth uplifting as I did!
Lots of tags to choose from
As I wiped the bacon grease from one swollen eye and tried to look at females to praise (which always makes me feel better too) I noticed Pornobae has a ton of tags to choose from. Gee-whiz! You know me: along with ThePornDude I love me some free tube sites that feature a long list of tags! Pornobae definitely has the tags, and when trying to find a video of a beautiful woman to comment on in the comments section I found my high school science teacher having intercourse with her husband. I watched it repeatedly despite only having one functioning eye at the moment. For a second, the grease stains on my face and my life went away as I imagined being her husband instead of the Chad she’s with. The guy’s a football coach too, what is a beautiful brain like that doing with such a Neanderthal anyway? This white knight needs to show him the error of his ways *points thumbs at chest, grinning from ear to ear*! I have to admit: she had a nice rack of boobies! I would compliment her boobies every day if I was her husband!New videos added daily!
Another good mark of an excellent free tube site is how often videos are added. Well, let me tell you: Pornobae has new videos added daily! Even if you were to stick around on Pornobae for life, you would probably never find all of the lovely ladies to uplift and compliment! If there is anything I need tonight, it’s being able to compliment and idolize beautiful females in order to make myself feel better. Because I have to admit friends: I didn’t just burn my face, arms, legs, chest, back, stomach, forehead, ear lobes, and taint with bacon grease I also burnt my penis. I didn’t just burn my penis either: it was on fire! The fire from the grease jumped off and went into my tighty whities and burnt my little ghost penis. It didn’t burn it off all the way, but the doctor said it will be a while before I can even see it again. Even then, doc said there’s no guarantee I’ll be able to view my penis without looking at it closely. I don’t say this often, but please pray for me…Browse by the huge list of adult actresses
Sometimes you just do not know what kind of ladies you want to applaud for putting their confidence on display. In these times, it’s easier to simply look at videos starring only certain adult actresses. You know me: I usually go to the Asian actresses when I’m in the mood to browse in this manner. And I always go for the most mature I can find. Sometimes, I imagine such an adult actress finding me in my greatest time of need, picking me up, laying me in the back of her van, and letting me drink the milk out of her breasts. Not in a sexual way, but as a way of saying, “I would love to nurture you.”Can not browse by categories, only channels
One gripe I had was about the channels and categories. Confusingly enough, channels are actually referred to as categories. There isn’t an actual dedicated categories page, though. It’s a small gripe and because you can browse by tags and adult actresses it isn’t a huge deal. Still, I was scratching my head harder than an ape wondering who got into his big ol’ pile of bananas *points at myself (because I looooove bananas!)*.‘Screenshot spread’ shows hottest screenshots in the video
What in Charles Dickens is a screenshot spread? It’s one image that shows a collection of other images so you don’t have to click on a ton of images and waste time. Pornobae offers this and it’s super easy to get an idea what’s in the video before you even start watching. The screenshot spread includes the best screenshots from the video so you know if you’re watching something worthwhile. I like this feature and you don’t see it enough on other free tube sites!Homepage displays trending and latest videos
If you know anything about me you know that I do not like trends. Don’t trust them! They go against my personal mantra of being an individual, never a conformist. I believe in it so much I have a pair of nunchucks hanging on my wall I’ve never touched: one says conformity and the other says individuality like a yin and yang sort of thing. With that being said, I would be remiss if I told all my friends reading this that I am not a fan of viewing trending videos on the homepage of Pornobae. Far from it! It gives me a way to look at new beautiful females to uplift and encourage to keep, ‘fighting the good fight,’ in their comments section and lets me know what other people are looking at. It’s good information to have when you want to uplift every beautiful creature known as a female in this world. I love the trending section and will be visiting it often!Videos load super quick, downloadable
I am also happy to say that the videos over at Pornobae load super quick! There is nothing that puts my shoelaces into a knot more than videos that buffer all the time. Not here! I never had to wait for anything to buffer even once. Normally that would be enough reason to celebrate but Pornobae doesn’t stop there! Pornobae actually provides links to sources where you can download these videos in standard definition (SD) and even high definition (HD). If you want to watch beautiful creatures offline and on your smartphone wherever you go, Pornobae makes it happen! It’s given me an excuse to add even more mature Asian females to my growing collection of potential wives. I just have to nurse my little penis until that happens. Oh God: what would happen if I ran into the mature woman of my dreams and instead of letting me suckle on her teets for nourishment, she noticed I had a burnt penis and laughed about it never to talk to me again? I don’t think I could bear it! Curse you mother. Curse you for giving me this wretched hex! Curse you for giving birth to me!- Huge list of tags!
- Free videos added every day
- Browse by Pornobae’s large list of adult actresses
- Screenshot spread showcases the hottest screenshots of each video in one file. This gives you an idea as to what is in each video.
- Links to download videos for offline use (standard and high definition formats)
- Homepage shows trending videos
- Mobile and desktop works flawlessly, everything loads quickly.
- Cannot browse by categories, only channels; channels are located where the categories should be.
Find a better FREE porn tube site than PORNOBAE.COM on PornGeek/a>!
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