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Escort News! To say I have been lonely lately would be one of the biggest understatements of my family’s entire existence. It would be an even bigger understatement than to see that Uncle Milton doesn’t have an infectious disease (or should I say did – I think he was buried under our house some years back). I need company and someone to spend time with me. I learned that you can actually hire beautiful goddesses to do exactly this so I decided to investigate.

Browsing around I settled on EscortNews.eu. Opening the site I began to gawk at the beautiful ladies that I could spend some much-needed time with. Were these goddesses really all for me?! I could not believe my eyes! I found a brown haired lass that really tickled my fancy and gave her a call. She was available! I told her what I wanted: someone to spend time with me, chat, someone to go through a few exercises and scenes with, etc. Maybe she was apprehensive because she stammered and seemed nervous but I assured her, “my love when you are with me everything feels right in the world. Just bring a dress and Vaseline so you don’t stop smiling…” With those words of encouragement, I dressed up like Cloud from Final Fantasy VII and awaited her arrival.

Within the hour the lass knocked on mother’s basement door to which I let her enter my humble abode. She seemed nervous but I smelt her hair, touching it a little to make her mind feel at ease.

“Don’t worry this will be fun,” I told her. “Now if you would so kindly put this dress on.” It was a 1:1 copy of Aeris’ dress from Final Fantasy VII. I instructed her to fall into my arms while I recited Cloud’s dialogue from the infamous Aeris death scene.

We did it once. Then twice. Then a third time! I needed a break so I showed her my anime collection. She informed me it was time to go but we were just getting started. I paid for an extra hour and went through the scene again. Then another. Then another. I paid for eight extra hours that day, praising the beautiful female every chance I got. Oh, what a thrill it was to pay someone to be uplifted for an entire day!

It didn’t end well though. By hour nine I felt blood trickling down my forehead as I saw the broken Toriko figurine broken by my head. The goddess had broken the figurine over my head and escaped out of the basement. Oh well, you can’t win…I still have a concussion…

Good options for searching geographically

One of EscortNews’ biggest strengths right out of the gate is obvious as soon as the page loads. With the ability to search escorts by city and country, you are able to load up every escort that is operating in that area. Clicking on an ad shows in-depth information about the escort: pictures, website, contact information, and even relevant information about the type of home they live in if a client opts for an in-call visit.

Search results also show how many escorts are available by country. Some countries are obviously going to have more than others: Argentina for example only has a handful while a larger country like Australia has a few hundred. The takeaway though is EscortNews allows you to see where escorts are located in your country and narrow down your search results via city/surrounding cities. It’s very easy to find the closest escort to you within a matter of a few clicks and taps. When you want a beaut to spend time with you and help you to polish the rest of your anime figures rather than spending time searching, it’s very convenient.

Can search escorts by other factors

Search functionality doesn’t just apply to solely searching for escorts by city and country, though. Far from it, you can search by only agency escorts, independent escorts, escorts by a certain agency, or escorts who travel. Keep in mind that escorts who travel are typically top quality escorts. I learned that the hard way when I tried hiring a beautiful bronze lass to come over and paint my Warhammer figures with me. Long story short she got here, she made a few calls, and if it hadn’t been for my slick ninjitsu skills and the fact I have a sword that’s officially classified as a deadly weapon I may not be here typing to you today.

It may have been ThePornDude instead, writing my obituary in his own blood since I classify him as a blood brother in my will stuffed between two hamburger wrappers inside my desk. He would have to follow through because it’s in my will. That is how wills work: if you don’t abide by them you go to prison.

Classified ads akin to Craigslist

Have you ever used Craigslist? I used it once to sell a hammock shaped like the genie’s naked body from Aladdin. If you too have used Craigslist before then you know how the ads typically look: a description of the ad, an image, details about the ad, etc. The ads are concise and contain only relevant information: the format hasn’t changed in years but because it works…what’s the point in changing it right?

EscortNews realizes this. They’ve taken the same basic format you find on a Craigslist ad and applied it to their ads. What you get are escort ads that feel like they belong on Craigslist but contain even more relevant information; the design of the ad feels more vibrant and alive than a Craigslist ad so that’s a perk too.

You will find information that any male feminist would want to know about before reaching out to an escort: contact information, website info, rates, body type, pictures, etc. The information is laid out in an easy-to-follow format with the ability to e-mail or private message the escort if possible. Not every ad will be chock full of good information, though. These naturally differ from one escort to another. Some will opt to include only bare minimum details to protect their anonymity while others prefer to be fully transparent. Your mileage will vary from one ad to another and this certainly different from country-to-country. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that EscortNews showcases its ads in an easy-to-follow format that makes it simple to find good escort leads.

Great sorting options for finding a specific escort

What if you want to find a specific type of escort? EscortNews makes this not only possible but extremely easy. Once again, EscortNews’ good sorting factors come into play. Visitors can find escorts that are available for 1:1 chat, only escorts that are part of a duo/couple, escorts that have been 100% verified (so you don’t accidentally invite a man in a dress like I did), escorts that specialize in fetishes, only black escorts, newest escorts, and the very best escorts available (called ‘A-level’).

Can read reviews of escorts by country

Want to know if the escort you are interested in isn’t actually an escape mental patient that just likes wearing female’s clothing? That would have been nice to know if the other escort site I used a few years ago had a review section. Thankfully EscortNews can save you from this type of ungodly grief. It’s never easy to find out that the female you’ve been chatting with for five years is actually a Hispanic automobile mechanic that lives in your hometown and the reviews in EscortNews’ reviews section clears up the mystery surrounding that escort you’ve got your eye on.

Is that really a female? Are those really her pictures? The reviews section lets you know what real-world men thought about the beauty you’ve got your eye on!

Hundreds of pages of escorts from all over the world

EscortNews would be a bit worthless if there are not that many escorts on the site. Fortunately, this is not the case. EscortNews features hundreds of pages full of escorts from all over the world. No matter which country you live in, chances are there is an escort operating in it at this very moment. While the impact of EscortNews will naturally be felt in countries where escorting is more open and legal, it’s still a good way to find escorts in a safe and proper manner.

I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I’m turning on the charm! I’m telling these lovely females what they mean to me! I compliment them at every turn! And still…they all hate me…everyone hates me…What am I doing wrong? Oh, how I wish I could be an alpha like ThePornDude and win the hearts of every female alive!

PornGeek likes EscortNews

  • Good options for searching geographically
  • Search escorts by a number of helpful factors
  • Ad layout similar to Craigslist
  • Good sorting options for finding a certain escort
  • Read reviews of escorts
  • Hundreds of pages of escorts from all over the world