SweetheartVideo! Wow, sweetheart! This is what my grandma used to call me back when I was a kid! Unlike now, those were good times. My mother still looked like a human being instead of Shrek, and my dad wasn’t on the opiates. Back then, he was an alcoholic, which was manageable because he was usually so drunk he couldn’t move, so he didn’t beat mom and me as often as he does now. But, times like those fly away, and eventually, you are left with the shit smell that is a reality, and you have to face it. I still didn’t, which is why I hide in my room at nights and do these reviews for cheap when I could be out there somewhere at a party.
Anyways, SweetheartVideo.com is a site about lesbian porn, lesbian scenarios, cunt licking, and everything else that you can imagine. This makes me happy because there are no men in lesbian videos, so I can finally avoid feeling threatened and emasculated because their penises are bigger than mine. If you think the same (and you probably don’t), just read this review through. Let’s go!
The homepage has one of those grandiose organizations if you know what I mean. Everything seems so HQ, flashy, luxurious, and whatnot. Almost to the point where it reminds me of my high school prom. I, of course, didn’t go, because mommy wanted her handsome boy to stay with her, but I’ve seen the tapes. And it’s for the better that I didn’t go because I’d probably just get mocked for my suit. I had an old outfit, given to me by my late grandpa, in case I ever get married. Of course, the suit’s full of holes caused by moth bites, and I’ll never get married because I’m a retard. So there’s no use for that suit. I would throw it away a long time ago, but I still sometimes hope that I’ll stop being a retard constantly. Slim chances, but it is what it is.
Anyways, before I lose my train of thought, let me say this. Besides the navigation options at the top, you also get a giant ad, but not one of those boring ones. It’s more like a preview of what you’re going to get on SweetheartVideo.com so that you know what you’re dealing with. And it does look fantastic, at least for people who can still casually enjoy porn. Now I need something deranged even to feel a tingle in my pants. After that, when you scroll down, you get like a chain of videos, and they are separated by two ‘categories’ – the latest, and most popular. And, down there, right at the very bottom are the perks, neatly listed. But we will discuss them later.
The navigation isn’t complicated at all. It’s mostly straightforward, which I can enjoy, since my brain functions as if I’m a dog. You give it a toy, it sees it, plays with it, pukes a couple of times, and then eats it. The only difference is that the dog eats the same crap every day because it’s stupid, and I do it because I’m poor. The first option is the videos. These are, of course, in 4K quality, and they come with a download option as well, in every single variety possible. So do not worry about that, because if you’re looking for substantial stuff that follows great standard guidelines, then you’ve come to the right place. The videos have the story/substance, the sex scenes genuinely are amazing, and the streaming and downloading options are fantastic and flexible as well, just like my mom used to be, as my dad told me. I didn’t want to know that, but he was super wasted.
The next couple of options on SweetheartVideo.com include a couple of different things. The first option is the DVDs, which, in my opinion, is a 50/50 option. And what I mean by that is, if you’re useless like me, then you already have no money to buy them. So you go back to your free tubes and jerk off there. But, if you do have some cash to splash out, then you can easily purchase a couple of them if you wish to do so. The next option is the models, and I don’t have to explain that one. Pick the model you like, and then you can see their content to your heart’s content. A stupid pun, but what can ya do, you can’t expect anything better from me.
And the last two options are the photo galleries and the series. In the photo galleries, you can find photos of the highest quality, and I’m not lying. SweetheartVideo.com has some impressive material up their sleeves. Also, there is a download option right at the top, in the left corner, so you can see those pictures wherever you go. Sometimes I do that too when I’m on the bus, and while people complain about how I smell, I secretly watch porn pictures. And that’s one good thing about being unable to achieve an erection – you won’t get a boner, so nobody can see what you’re doing. And as far as the series goes, when you check them out, you’ll see that those are just porn videos with continuity in the story, and that’s it — all in all, just a regular fucking series, nothing special. But if you’re into that, you can check those out as well.
If you’re looking for great perks/benefits, then let me tell you a couple of them. First of all, you get access to four other sites from the same network, which is a fantastic thing in general, because you pay for something of substance. Next up, of course, as I’ve previously mentioned, streaming and downloading in the highest quality! That’s gotta count for something! And some zip files containing hot pictures as well. You see, the rest of the benefits are bullshit, like, for example, ‘real female orgasms every time.’ Yeah, okay, I’m paying for porn, of course, I want to see some orgasms. SweetheartVideo.com, this is a bullshit move.
But who am I to talk anyway, since I won’t be paying for the content. It’s not that I don’t want to, or something like that, it’s just that I’m trying to save money for various other things. Like, for example, my parents know how much I earn daily. And I already said that they’re taking all of it for themselves. For that very same reason, I started putting small amounts of money aside to buy something beautiful for myself. For example, last month, I bought an apple. It tasted delicious, and I think I can get used to that.
The content on SweetheartVideo.com includes lesbians, but you’re already aware of that. But, there are numerous kinds of lesbian porn. First of all, they have some bondage/BDSM videos, and that’s amazing. There’s strap-on play as well. But the most exciting thing for me, since my brain is already fucked up, is the age difference and the incest role play. SweetheartVideo.com is pretty much filled with role plays like that, which will make your browsing experience more interesting down the line. And maybe I’ll finally feel something in my nether regions since, lately, I’ve been just watching porn without touching myself. No point in trying to reanimate a dead mouse, right?
Registration and conclusion
The registration process is the only thing that I can rightfully bitch about, even ThePornDude would say so. If you decide to purchase the membership, the site will immediately redirect you to their leading network, and you will be able to see the content from there- And if you try to go back to SweetheartVideo.com, you will finish in the same place again. Now that’s okay, gathering everything in one place, but still. Give out some warnings or something. Because usually when I come to a specific place, I want to stay there, not shift between a couple of them at the same time, you know?
Now about the memberships, I can say that they are right. 2$ for a three-day trial? Cool, check it out. A one-month streaming membership? 20$, also cool. The same membership with downloading options? $30, and that’s a pussy move, but I’ll let it slide since I make those all day every day. And the full-year membership which charges you 10$ a month, twelve times.
All in all, the site is cool, and everything is fantastic except for some minor details. So if you’re looking to make your porn collection even more significant and broader, I’d recommend this one. I’d recommend anything for some money, so yeah.
PornGeek likes SweetHeart Video
- Great content
- Good navigation
- Cheap memberships
PornGeek hates SweetHeart Video
- Some details
- The whole redirection circus
- DVDs are a stupid thing in the 21st century