ScatGold! I’ve heard people say the Internet gold rush is over, but there are still plenty of untapped ways to make money out there. For example, I straight-up stole The Porn Dude’s business model, though as a virgin neckbeard who can’t even speak to women, I don’t do nearly as well as he does. Scat Gold wasn’t founded until 2017, and they’re currently getting almost 4 million visits a month. That’s a lot of motherfuckers tuning in, and that’s because these futuristic gold miners have tapped into a rich vein of brown, stinky wealth.Yeah, I’m talking about Scat porno. Scat.Gold is exactly what the name sounds like, a free sex tube specializing in one of the filthiest fetishes out there. I’ve been constipated all morning, probably from eating a 5-pound brick of government cheese for breakfast. My hope is that all these pooping movies will be good encouragement for my own cramping colon. If nothing else, I hope these videos make me feel like I’m in the presence of a beautiful woman with a loose stool issue, and not in a filthy basement that smells like my own farts and unwashed, skid marked underwear.
Look at This Huge Pooping Butthole, Or Don’tScat Gold makes a really fucking bold first impression, though whether it’s a good or bad one is up for debate. It probably depends a lot on your reaction to seeing a close-up of a butthole gaping wide open like a goddamn black hole with yellowish-brown shit spewing out of it. The image takes up the entire screen, making this an excellent choice for a workplace masturbation session.If you’ve got an adblocker running, like I always do, a box will pop up over the page, giving you a temporary reprieve from that gaping maw and all the horror it contains. The message is its own form of horror, as Scat Gold wants you to disable your spam plug-in or you won’t be able to watch any of the poop movies and fecal flings. I can scroll around the page, but everything is dark and I can’t click any links or watch any porno.I refresh the page a couple of times, hoping to find a way out of the predicament. The only thing that happened was the giant photo of the giant stretched butthole changed to a photo of a bitch who looks like Britney Spears licking shit off of an expensive-looking couch. It’s really soft, chunky stuff and reminds me a lot of the canned dog food I had for breakfast. I don’t normally eat the stuff, but it was on sale.I guess I’m a sucker for just about anything as long as the price is right, whether it’s eating pet food because it’s cheap or trying to get off to shit porn because it’s free. Spam is always part of the deal with any free tube, but you usually play the cat and mouse game where you use a blocker and they try to come up with better ways around it. Scat Gold just sticks it to you right from the jump, demanding you turn off the ad blocker so you get a raging torrent of spam that flows like unwanted diarrhea. I have to say “unwanted diarrhea” because I’m writing this to the tiny demographic of perverts who get sexual gratification from defecation.
Spam and Bullshit, But No Sexy Girl ShitI turned off my spam plug-in, refreshed the page, and naturally got hit immediately with a couple of pieces of malicious spam. One pop up claims to be a Windows 10 update that actually disabled my mouse while it displayed a fake loading screen. Another totally legit advertisement told me my McAfee subscription expired today, which is pretty fucked up since I never had one, to begin with. I guess I’ll click Renew and enter mom’s credit card details.The McAfee ad hovers over the page like the old complaint box about my ad blocker, only it obscures even more content. I literally can’t see shit on this shit porn website. I hit refresh and got another pop-up, plus a new fake expiration notice covering up the whole fucking screen again. This time it’s my Norton subscription that ended today. A download was forced to my browser but was fortunately blocked because it contains a goddamn fucking virus.The reason human shit is so fucking disgusting, even compared to every other kind of feces in the animal kingdom, is because it is literal poison that comes out of our bodies. Our brains are programmed to avoid it because it can make you really fucking sick or even kill you. It’s a little bit ironic that a website with such a lax attitude to your body’s health treats your computer with the same utter lack of respect.Eating shit will give the average person nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and a low-grade fever. Viewing Scat.Gold will give the average computer a good dose of computer AIDS and maybe steal your identity if you’re old and don’t understand technology.
It’s Shit and I Mean That In a Bad WayThe spam situation on this website is an absolute shit show. I say that about a lot of the free sex tubes, but here it’s so bad that it’s nearly impossible to even watch a Scat movie.Since that fucking spam is covering up the whole page, trying to get me to download a totally official and legit copy of Norton, I can only click the edges of a few barely visible thumbnails on the side of the screen. I can’t actually see what those thumbnails are, so it’s a bit of a crapshoot.When I get to the video page, I get another big ad completely covering everything. I toggled my spam plug-in and refreshed a couple of times, exposing myself to more pop-ups and forced downloads, but eventually, a video player did show up.Unfortunately, I couldn’t watch it. There was a lot of fucking around with more pop-ups after I clicked Play and a pre-video advertisement that I could supposedly skip in 15 seconds. The countdown timer for that quarter of a minute worked in goddamn slow motion, though, so I had to watch a couple of minutes of Russian dudes advertising a non-coprophile dating service or some shit.I had to click another Play button after the trailer, so I got another pop-up, but then the scat porno finally started. It’s actually a decent baked-in video player with resolution controls, but digging around in the options too much made the video stop playing and another fucked up video ad takes its place. It’s got the same broken timer, so I have to watch some Spanish guy singing in a mansion and honestly I’m not even sure what this is an ad for. I don’t think it’s porn, but it’s definitely shit. Fitting.
Worse Than Drinking DiarrheaI spend my time in the darkest, filthiest corners of the Internet, so naturally, I see a lot of really fucking awful websites. Scat Gold is one of them, which I guess you kind of expect for a site devoted to people playing with their own bodily waste. The thing is, it’s not the disgusting shit play that makes Scat Gold a worthless piece of crap. It’s the spam.Every free porn tube has spam. Boner pill pop-ups and fake photos of horny local singles just come with the territory. You learn really quickly to ignore it and just focus on the dirty videos as you crank your junk and take a dump at the same time if that’s what you’re into. You simply can’t ignore the spam on this website because it makes the content impossible to view.There’s no good reason in the world to visit Scat.Gold. Even if you really love seeing broads pooping on each other or masturbating in a shiny puddle of their own diarrhea, the spam is so heavy that you can’t actually see any of that on this website. Check out my list of Scat porn sites if you’re looking to jerk off to shit without getting jerked around by bullshit.