Feet9

Feet 9! I know I style myself as some kind of wannabe porn expert, but I’m sort of a jack of all trades with an extensive knowledge base. I know all kinds of stuff about anime, Reddit, micropenises and life-size, huggable body pillows. Like the perverts over at Feet9, I also know a hell of a lot about feet.

Feet9.com is a free porn tube for foot fetishists. They get a few million visits a month thanks to their extensive collection of sexy arches, manicured toes, and footjob movies. The search bar at the top claims they’ve got nearly 14,000 kinky foot scenes in their catalog, and I can already smell them. Actually, I’m probably detecting my own funk wafting from my pile of dirty socks, which are crusty with both foot sweat and semen.

The Porn Geek: Nasty Foot Expert

I know I called myself a foot expert, and you freaks probably think I was born with a fetish for stinky toes or something. That ain’t it. In fact, I don’t think I actually like feet at all.

You see, my mom is a morbidly obese woman who can barely fit through a doorway. Do you think that bitch can reach her own toes? Hell no, and so the task of dealing with her bunions, warts, corns, and calluses on her goddamn elephant feet is left to her adult son who lives in her basement. Every morning, I have to spend a good hour or two scraping off copious amounts of dead flesh and corruption that litters the floor like biohazardous snow. That’s followed by a long session of rubbing lotion into the old bag’s tootsies.

This morning was particularly bad. She was watching The goddamn View when a large blister on her sole popped directly into my eyes, blinding me with pus for several minutes while Barbara Walters talked about Donald Trump’s pee tape. Afterward, I loaded up Feet9 in an attempt to change how I feel about feet.

A Porn Tube for Foot Freaks

Feet9 has the typical free tube layout with the header and wall of porn. These guys are only a few years old, so the design is pretty streamlined, without a lot of extra bullshit cluttering the page. They’ve also got moving previews when you hover over a broad sucking another bitch’s toes.

I’ve got to admit, the feet I’m seeing on the front page look a hell of a lot better than the ones I’m forced to medically exfoliate on a daily basis. The babes attached to them are fucking gorgeous, too.

Cute little footsies are front and center in every thumbnail. There’s a brunette resting her stinky amateur feet in a car, holding them up at the camera and smiling seductively. There’s a disembodied beauty dangling her loosened high heels off her feet, the shot focused on nothing else. A bubble-butt babe in her underwear shows off pink toenails and a tattooed foot gives a dude a hard footjob until he pops.

As a basement-dwelling nerd with an anime princess body pillow for a girlfriend, I’m fucking thrilled to see a cartoon footjob movie starring the sluts from Totally Spies right on the front page. To me, that’s even hotter than the Muslim camwhore in fishnets kissing her own toes or the teen girlfriend getting her soles splooged on.

All Fucking Kinds of Freaky Foot Fetish Fun

There’s a list of Channels on the sidebar that gives you a look at the true range of perversion here. I’m fucking thrilled that 3D Anime Hentai is the first one listed, and that it contains a surprisingly rich selection of CGI and anime foot porn. If I’m going to watch a guy get his dick and face stepped on by a girl in flip-flops and a bikini, I want her to be a hot 3D hentai whore.

A lot of the Channels are typical porn categories with some foot stuff thrown in: Amateur Feet, Asian Feet, Lesbian Feet, and Mature Feet. Others delve deeper into sub-fetishes like Dirty Feet, Foot Crush, Female Foot Slave and Trampling.

I’ve never driven a car, so I’m pretty fascinated by the Pedal Pumping section on Feet9. It’s a couple of hundred videos showing close-ups of women’s pretty feet as they drive cars in impractical footwear. I feel like maybe I should show this to mom. She’s been looking for a way to supplement her disability, and this might have the added bonus of getting her out of the house and driving again. On the other hand, I don’t see any hideous warts, crooked toes, thick hair or swollen cankles on these foot-fetish bitches.

The Male Foot Slaves area on Feet9 runs really fucking deep. By my math, there are at least 400 movies of mean, sexy bitches bossing dudes around and making them worship their feet. They’re all gorgeous, with perfect arches and painted toenails. I’d rather have a slut lick my ugly hobbit feet clean, but these foot femdom scenarios do seem less hellish than my own existence.

Jerking Off to Pretty Feet Vids

Feet9 is updated damn near constantly. As I reviewed the site, I’d see new shit popping up whenever I went back to the main page. Not fucking bad, especially for a free site.

I took a look at the very newest video, an amateur footjob shot by the lucky recipient. Dude’s girl has her toenails painted black, though by the end her pale feet are drenched in a thick, sticky white fluid. There are no buffering issues, and I don’t even get hit with spam.

The lack of pop-ups and pre-video commercials is surprising. I watched another footjob, then a girl rubbing her feet all over her car, followed by a couple of Chinese girls teasing the viewer with their hot feet. Not once did I get hit with an ad.

That’s really fucking surprising for a free tube, especially one with such deep niche fetish content. They could punish the viewer if they wanted to, and you foot pervs would keep crawling back for more. Instead, it seems like they’re making their money off their live webcam shows.

See Live Foot Fetish Cam Shows

Sprinkled throughout the foot porn thumbnails are semi-hidden links to the cam side of Feet9. They look just like the other thumbnails–hot bitches with sexy feet–but the description does tell you it’s a Live Cam link.

I thought these were spammy links to other cam sites like you find on other free tubes, but they’ve actually got a surprisingly full-featured section of camwhores giving shows. The selection of sluts that are live right now is much bigger than I would have expected. The page scrolls on and on with little green boxes that tell you these girls are online.

The thumbnails randomly show quick, live previews of the shows within. They only last a couple of seconds before the still pic returns. There’s no way to choose which one you’re looking into, which sucks. I like that feature on a cam site.

Functionally, it works just like any other cam site. They give you ten free minutes when you sign up, but I was able to get a bunch of free entertainment without even signing up. Cam shows can get expensive as hell when you start tipping the girls, and I’ve usually spent my allowance on golden showers manga by the time I get it.

I did notice that the action I saw in the free shows was not necessarily foot related. My guess is these girls are holding out, knowing fetishes earn a lot more money. Be prepared to shell out some credits to get a babe to stroke a dildo with her feet or something. One day I’ll be a rich, big-dicked stud like The Porn Dude, and then I’m going to start splurging on this kind of thing.

Feet9’s extensive collection and wide variety of foot porn has given me some weird boners and satisfying wanks, but has it cured me of my foot-phobia? I’m not entirely sure. After I blew a load of sticky spunk all over my sweatpants, relishing the thought of licking a petite teen’s soles, I suddenly had an image of mom’s bunions. I’ve had a good afternoon, but tomorrow it’s back to work with the industrial callus grinder.

Despite my own reservations, Feet9.com seems like a paradise to the freeloading library masturbator with a penchant for footjobs and foot worship. There’s a wide variety of free fetish content to shake your ding-a-ling at, all focusing on hot girls and their pretty feet.