Cunt Wars

CuntWars aka Chick Wars! Who doesn’t love video games these days? I mean people often tell me rather than game so much, if I were to "put more time and effort into my personal hygiene or get a wardrobe which doesn't look like it was stolen from Steve Urkel's closet" I might be able to land a few more dates.Whatever, man.But you don’t become a legendary level 89 Death Knight without putting in the hours. Shit, girls on WoW pretty much put out when you tell them that you’ve crushed the Murloc Quest in Elwynn Forest. Well, given stats, at least 40% of the players with female avatars were actually biological women. If one of them was, then I totally scored my first digital dick riding.ERP for the win!Anyway, I recently found out about a site which combines my two favorite things: virtual sex and virtual games. And I mean real sex. Or at least as real as it can be when you see animated babes bouncing up and down on a digital dick.Well, guess what? There are a ton of them out there. The shitty part, I’ve often found, is that most of these sites only have low rent flash games which hardly give the geek in me or the horn dog in me a woody.However, there are a few web developers out there who have certainly stepped their nerd up and put together some high-end games on a single site. One of the best of these is (misogynistically) named – Cunt Wars.

A Different Kind Of Cunt Content

Arguably sexist name aside, this site is pants popping once you look at the homepage. Though, depending on if you look at it on mobile or desktop there isn’t really a true homepage. Rather, on the desktop version blasts you with one of several linked promo posters of the sites many games.The mobile version is a little similar, but, when I checked, takes you to one of the games which shows a naked dude in a bed. Ewww! Anyway, this “homepage” takes you through a series of click-based slides which, after a little “nexting” you’ll start seeing some lewd ladies. That and magic portals opening up.At any rate, at the top of the screen, you'll see the option to change your language selection and sign up to get full access to that game as well as the rest of the site.

Oodles And Googles Of Great Games

In total, there are seven satisfying games to check out. Honestly, I could do a review on all of them individually, but I'll do a quick sum-up of each.Fap Titan – Who doesn't love a good RPG? I sure as hell do especially when there are not only magical pig-demons to kill, but also busty babes to interact with while doing it. Besides a surprisingly inventive series of monsters to kill, some of the opponents featured are also some pretty girls…or rather fantasy female figures who all seemed to be hybridized with elves, spiders, and other ghoulish creatures.At first, the combat doesn't come off as super deep since you only need to click on a monster to do damage at first. But as the game quickly progresses you can play as one of several salaciously dressed girls, collect gold, upgrade your weapons and armor, and much more.Pussy Saga – To be fair, there isn't too much here when it comes to gameplay. It's the typical point-and-click choose your own adventure just like those stupid romance adventures they make for teenaged girls. If you haven't played anything like that, you'll waste three hours trying to seduce some hot guy only to go on a crappy date rather than actually…you know, do it.Anyway, when it comes to Pussy Saga, as soon as you start clicking you'll see a dick ton of titillating animated girls to go off on adventures with. The weird thing is that this game is set in the modern world but the girls you interact with include characters like busty faeries wielding dildos.Whatever, it doesn’t have to make sense; it just has to be fun and hot. And this game, despite being a little limited, certainly is.Unlike a lot of other porn-o flash-based games, there are a range of sound effects and a soundtrack. Or at least what passes for one by online gaming standards. To make things better, this game is available in English, Chinese, Japanese, French, German, Spanish, and even Dutch!Smut Stone – This is another point-and-click adventure which puts you into the shoes, or rather into the bed of a hunky dude. Don’t get put off by the start, though. Through this guy, you’ll be set off on a series of hot sex encounters at least as long as make the right selection. However, since this game tends to be a bit more linear compared to other games in this genre, that shouldn’t be a problem, even for nubies.Poker Sluts – Being another click-through adventure, this strictly linear game is closer to an action comic than a video game proper. That said, it's hot as hell from panel one onward. The story starts with some guy plowing a pretty gal while two thugs break in. Immediately after that, two busty babes burst onto the scene, and the story only gets steamier from there. I'd totally recommend checking it out, if only for the plot.Slot Bitches – Being pretty much a gambling simulator this game doesn’t offer too much. Well, other than animations of beautiful women. Honestly, though, while the selection of casino-inspired mini-games is nice, this is one of the more disappointing games.Sex Gangsters – Combining both advance story and gameplay, this unique game has scantily clad or even naked women on virtually every screen. The story places you in a series of scenarios including a hospital, fitness center, host party, and a sex salon all apart of a surprisingly deep, unfolding adventure.And now finally, let’s get to the big one: Cunt Wars.Cunt Wars – It may take some time for it to load, the wait is totally worth it since you'll blow your load after a just few minutes. This fantasy role-playing game includes not only killer gameplay and pics of pretty girls, but also some of the rude, crude humor which I love. And in addition to still pics of hot honeys, you'll also see fully animated girls bouncing all around the screen, too.

Cunt Wars: Desktop Vs Mobile

Overall, this site is at least decent on both version, though I found myself having a few problems on the mobile version.Like I brought up earlier, if you go to Cunt Wars on the mobile version, you'll be placed right into one of the games. While it is cool in a certain sense, I’d prefer to be able to see all of the different kinds of digital naked naughtiness first.Another thing I’ve noticed is that on the mobile version, you’re going to find yourself nearly giving your fingers a cramp from constantly adjusting the screen. Along with that, I’ve found that the buttons aren’t always super responsive. Sometimes you’ll find yourself clicking away, only to have to zoom in and lose out on the glorious animated action in front of you in order to advance the story.All things considered, I’d say you should just use the desktop version instead.

What I’d Do Different

Since I’ve gone and sent about two dozen emails to girls on Fish4Hoes.com and been banned from Tindr for “lewd conversation” or whatever, I do have tons of free time on my hands, and wanking can only kill so much time. So, after playing on Cunt Wars for a while and with myself on the same site, I came up with a few things that I’d change on this porn platform.First, I'd develop a proper homepage for both the desktop and mobile version. While getting right into the action is great, it's always nice to have a bit of a teaser that gets you excited but also summarizes all of the gaming, goose chocking content you are going to see.Second, I'd redo the mobile version so it at least looks more like the desktop version. Again, while it is nice to get into the game as quickly as possible, it would be nice to get a menu selection of the smutty games I can play on mobile.

Should You Play On This Site?

And this is the part where my bestie-to-be ThePornDude would say, here’s the TL;DR part of the review.With seven high-quality games to play, you’ll have dozens of hours of entertainment at least…plus, several more hours you can spend playing with yourself. No matter what kind of games you like, I’m sure that you’ll find what you see on this porn platform.The mobile version should look more similar to the desktop version. I mean seriously (!) while being presented with a game is great, but trying to get to a selection of games shouldn't be such a pain.While I didn’t have any problems taking about a minute and half a minute to rub one or two out, some people might bitch about the lack of “real” porn. Sure, the animations tend to be pretty tame compared to the average tube site, what with the lack of hardcore wet humping, but I found that the general lewdness was more than to get me off.Still, even with all of these issues, I’d still say that Cunt Wars is a great site for both game and porno junkies. I give it four out of five hands and recommend it to all of you.