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Celeb Jihad

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celebjihad.com

CelebJihad! Ah, soft-core celebrity porn. See, fame creates desire, and there is nothing I want more than what I cannot get. I imagine I’m not alone in this, but probably the reality is I’m the only sucker who is a virgin. I swear I’ve been planning to do something about it for the longest time, but when you get snubbed by women that master fuckers like ThePornDude wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, it is natural to get deflated. I figure I don’t stand a chance with any member of the female fraternity and I’m probably doomed to masturbate the rest of my miserable life. My mum has never seen me with a girl, and now she is probably giving up on me ever bearing her grandkids. Or perhaps she hasn’t realized that she mothered a hopeless loser. That can’t be fair, but anyway, so is life. I will keep relieving my nuts the best way I know how day in day out. Wait, how does it even feel to have your dick wrapped by the soft lips of a meaty vagina? I’m still waiting to live at that moment. Anyway, I dream of fucking Rihanna one day. Everyone is allowed to dream, right? But it will be probably a while before Rihanna decides to take a break from the well-hung A-list celebrities who obviously bang her senseless to settle for the mediocrity that’s my two-inch cock. Meanwhile, Celebjihad.com keeps me busy with hot leaked celebrity nudes, sex tapes, and photos of celebrities who post their naked breasts and asses (accidentally or otherwise). The site seems like a perfect place to see the likes of Rihanna, Kate Upton, Taylor Swift, and Emma Watson, among other sexy celebrities strutting their stuff for my fapping pleasure. Is it a perfect outlet for sexual tension (and probably some losers in the sperm bank)? The next few minutes should provide a clearer picture. Read on to know what I think about Celeb Jihad.

A brief history

According to Celeb Jihad’s ‘About’ section, the site was founded by Durkha Durkha Mohammed who doctors diagnosed with having a “Camel Spit for Brains” at an early age. His parents gave him away to Christian missionaries after his father caught him finger banging the clan’s prize war goat. He later learned about ‘the dangers of the female flesh’ from a certain Muslim guru and from then, he decided to be on the lookout for sinful female sexual expression. He decided that forming a celeb gossip site and launching an all-out digital jihad against the evils of Western celebrity culture was the best way to avenge his wife, who he stoned to death after finding her reading a copy of People magazine. That’s how I and my fellow degenerates find themselves with a site solely dedicated to celeb nudity. Whoever Durkha Durkha Mohammed is, I admire his sense of humor. Mine is probably drier than a burnt toast. Shit, it sucks to suck at everything!

Simple layout, homepage impressions

The homepage is where most of the stuff goes down, and while it is not grand or sophisticated, it drew a decent reaction from me. They don’t care about fancy designs, they take you straight to the thick of the action, namely; the recent posts of celebrity selfies, sex tapes, and more. I’m talking see-through dresses that leave nothing to the imagination, topless nude titties, sex scenes from famous movies and so much more. I love the simplicity, and I certainly appreciate the black background. The top menu allows you to browse the content by nude celebs, celeb videos, popular celebs, an A-Z celeb list, and an about tab. There is also pagination right below the posts to help you navigate this sea of celebrity filth. It’s funny how the Celeb Jihad doesn’t consider itself a porn site (at least not officially). They partly describe themselves as a website with ‘adult content which may include images, text, sounds, and videos of a sexually-explicit nature and are intended for a mature audience,’ but they have fooled nobody. There is enough nudity and explicit sex here, and to me, that’s enough qualification to be a porn site. It’s a golden ticket to full-on celebrity pornographic bliss.

Drown yourself in celeb lewdness

By now you know Celeb Jihad is all about the nudity of famous people. I enjoyed stroking my Willy to a video featuring WWE’s Paige masturbating and another one where she is sucking some hung black dude’s cock. Shit, I would give anything to stick my cock in her mouth. I also love the thick white chick that is Jem Wolfie who teased me all day long with her incredible figure and penchant for posting near-nude snaps on Instagram. Of course, you can check more celebrities from the A-Z celebrity list and see if you find your favorite celebrity flaunting some sexy flesh. I have a feeling that some of these celebs don’t care that their nudity is all over the site. Emilia Clarke’s nude and simulated sex scenes from Game of Thrones come to mind. You are also going to come across some fakes where celebrities are photoshopped doing some nasty stuff. Some are quite good, while others are poorly done. If you love digitally altered images, you will certainly appreciate the wank materials. A lot of this content is uploaded by a bunch of losers with nothing better to do than fill the internet with stolen and leaked videos and pics of popular women. Somehow, they are still doing better than me. If nudes exist of a certain celebrity, trust these guys to go out of their way to avail it. Not even the countless lawsuits filed against them can stop them. They seem to have balls of steel. If only I had half their audacity.

Come for the nudity, stay for the humor

Each post is accompanied by a funny description written from the perspective of a hypocritical and radical Muslim character, just like you would of someone with a goat’s spit for a brain. It is as entertaining as the content itself. Iggy Azalea’s nudes, for instance, had the following description: ‘As you can see these leaked Iggy nudes were taken before she had that vat of fried chicken grease injected into her lips, tits, hips, and ass to attract more savage Sub-Saharans to come sex her sin holes. Speaking of which I will eat my sandal if there isn’t at least a half dozen pics of Iggy taking an ashy AIDS riddled nig nog nob up her anus hole when the full set finally gets leaked. It is just too bad that these Iggy pics did not get released when she was still somewhat relevant. But who knows perhaps if Iggy puts on a good showing in this leak it will catapult her back into stardom, for the infidel masses are certainly depraved enough to make it happen.’ Never mind the nudes and sex tapes, the humorous and witty descriptions are a win for everyone.

What’s hot about Celeb Jihad;

A huge database of hot celeb content; I don’t know about you, but celebrities, nudity, and sex scandals are a potent combination for me, and I certainly loved the collection here. Leaked sex tapes; who else loves celebrities getting it on? There are enough leaked sex tapes featuring some big names to keep you thoroughly entertained for quite a while. Some pretty funny satire; the descriptions accompanying the posts are quite humorous and are equally entertaining. The sense of humor is all the way up.

What’s cold about Celeb Jihad

Some click-bait posts; I came across multiple posts with click-bait titles that don’t match the content or even feature the celebrity mentioned. Some videos have shitty quality; there is a good chunk of videos with mediocre quality, which is a pity considering they can be accessed elsewhere in better quality.

How the site can improve

Just stick to actual celebrity porn for crying out loud. These click-bait posts need to go like yesterday. It is such a lame idea, to begin with. Also, is there a way the site can check the poorly done photoshops with the aim of removing them? I mean, I may not have been laid my entire life, but I recognize fake shit when I see it.

Final remarks

Celeb Jihad (often misspelled as "celebrity jihad", "celebrityjihad" and "celeb hijab") may have more than a few click-bait posts to grab your attention, but the majority of the content is pretty good, and anyone who loves naked celebrities will appreciate the filth. There is also some pretty funny, parody content doing rounds and considering everything is available for free, I doubt you will feel let down by what you uncover on CJ.