WasteLand

Waste Land! It seems like a new porn site pops up just about every day. Between all of the different niches, subgenres, and countries, it’s nearly impossible to keep up, especially if you don’t have the time and dedication to porn that I do. I do my best to keep up with everything (for the good of my readers, of course, not because I enjoy it), but sometimes it’s overwhelming. So I seek out comfort.

On days when mommy has a headache, I seek out comfort with classic porn sites like Wasteland. It was founded in 1994 with a mission of exploring and celebrating safe and consensual BDSM and related kinks, and it’s been operating ever since.

Though it hasn’t always updated frequently, its consistency over the years has allowed it to grow to become one of the longest-lasting and most celebrated porn sites in the world. See, mom, I told you—slow and steady does win the race. It doesn’t matter that I’m approaching middle age and I haven’t graduated high school or ever held a job for more than an afternoon. I’ve still got time. I’ll work on that stuff… later. After I masturbate to Wasteland a few more times.

Memory And Desire

The main page of the site operates as a directory, of sorts. This setup was common twenty years ago, but it’s largely been overlooked in the modern era. That being said, I’ve been masturbating to internet porn since the day my dick started to work, so I’m familiar with it. Allow me to be your tour guide!

You’ll see a handful of links in blue on the main page, but a vast majority of them can be ignored, at least until you exhaust yourself with the site’s videos. Wasteland Original Movies will take you to one of the sites best pages: a blog-style listing of each scene produced by Wasteland, sorted chronologically.

This is how all of the video sections work. In addition to the Original Movies, there is also Wasteland Virtual Reality (for those of you who can afford VR goggles) and Wasteland Movie Theater (which focuses on full-length films that tend to have a bit more of a plot than your average scene). They’ve also got a subsection focusing on Japanese Bondage Movies, which are basically the same as the regular ones, but with more squealing. The noises really add to my enjoyment by providing an authentic dislike of what’s going on that makes me feel like I’m really there—when the girls enjoy it, it just seems so unrealistic!

In addition, there are a few links on the main page to some of Wasteland’s most celebrated works. There’s an interactive movie where you can click on various actions that you want to have acted out, a link to the first high-quality feature length film Wasteland produced, and a link to a nine-part television series called Into The Mist, with a plot, character development, and sex scenes that would make HBO jealous.

There’s also an image section. I know that many of you will turn up your noses, but back when I was a young lad, pictures were an important part of porn. It might have taken an entire night with the phone line tied up to download a video, while a couple of pics would only take a few minutes. And sure, now that things have changed, we don’t need to jerk off to photo galleries out of necessity, but they’re not totally obsolete yet.

Wasteland’s Original Images gallery is probably one of the best examples of this lost art form. The site’s curators looked back at the past twenty plus years of pics and selected the best of the best, and now they’re all hosted in one place. If you’re an old guy like me looking for a blast from the past, or some young Generation Z whippersnapper trying to figure out what all the fuss is about, this is where you should start.

On the photo front they’ve also got the Dark Garden, which contains a whopping three quarters of a million BDSM and fetish-oriented photos, amateur photos from real-life fetish parties, rare imports from Japan, and even more. The porn side of Wasteland is then rounded out by even more varied content—short stories, novels, porn games, and even radio plays. If you can masturbate to it, its on Wasteland somewhere. Well, that’s not strictly true—I’m enough of a deviant that I can masturbate to a lamp that’s curvy enough… but if a normal human being can masturbate to it, Wasteland has it.

Fear In A Handful Of Dust

Wasteland isn’t perfect. Yes, it has over twenty years of collected porn, all of which is top-notch, and yes, the site works perfectly fine. But it’s still following the design cues of the early days of the Internet. They work, but we’ve made some progress since the site first came out. A bit of modernity would go a long way towards improving the overall experience of the site.

There isn’t any way to categorize or sort the videos once you’re inside a category, so scrolling through the listing is your best bet, but if you are feeling lucky the search function on the side-bar works surprisingly well, considering all that it really does is looks through the titles and descriptions of the scenes. The only saving grace is that the videos are consistently excellent—they may have a catalog of over fifteen hundred videos, but when you consider how long the site has been around, that’s actually a fairly leisurely pace of creation. Wasteland focuses on quantity over quality, so you can’t really go wrong.

The Testimony Of Friday Nights

One unique feature of Wasteland that me and my penis have enjoyed greatly is Virtual Wasteland—a live-streamed party that’s hosted every Friday night, between 9 pm and 1 am Eastern time. It’s basically like Second Life, except instead of everyone pretending that they’re there for something other than sex, the players are open about it. You can meet with virtual people to discuss fetishes, sex, and everything in between—and, since you don’t have to make your avatar look like you, you might even be able to trick women into talking to you.

That is, until they ask for a picture. I thought I had fell in love with the most beautiful woman, but as soon as she found out what I looked like, she disconnected. My heart wants me to believe that her power went out, or her internet dropped, or maybe even that she suddenly died due to the shock of my beauty, but the fact that all of the other women that I’ve sent my picture to have done the same tells me otherwise.

Paying Is The Cruelest Part

All of the forbidden fun in the world costs money. For a guy like me, who is totally interesting, sexy, and appealing, but can’t get women to realize that, there aren’t many options out there to experience BDSM in real life. And since it’s still a fairly niche subgenre, the free tube sites don’t really have as much high-quality content as I would like. So, I’m doomed to trading my hard-earned allowance for access to sites like Wasteland.

Wasteland does, however, soften the blow a bit by giving you many pricing options for signing up. They’ve got a two-day trial that will cost you five dollars, which is a bit more expensive than most sites, but they make up for it with the fact that this won’t renew at some exorbitant rate if you forget to cancel it or change plans—rather, you’ll just transfer to the standard monthly rate. That rate is a high but fair thirty-five dollars per month.

If you’re able to put down seventy-five dollars upon signing up you’ll be able to visit Wasteland for three months (at a rate that works out to about twenty-five bucks a month), and if you spring for six months, you’ll drop your monthly rate to a touch over twenty-two dollars. With the biggest commitment comes the biggest savings: if you pay for an entire year at a time, you’ll only end up spending a bit below fifteen dollars for each month that you’re a member. The prices may start a little high, but Wasteland rewards loyalty.

And, since Wasteland is an ancient porn site (by internet standards, at least), they stay true to their roots by offering a unique payment method—mail. Yes, despite the fact that you probably haven’t sent anyone a letter since your mom made you send grandma a thank-you note when she bought you a PS1 memory card for your seventh birthday, you can actually print off an order form and mail a check or money order to Wasteland.

There’s something weirdly anachronistic about going to the post-office and waiting several weeks to get access to porn when you could get instant access online, but maybe pretending you’re living in the past is your kink. In the spirit of Wasteland, I’ll try not to judge.