My mom says one of the reasons I’ve never gotten laid in my four decades on this planet is that I’m afraid to try new things. She cited the fact that I’m always humping the same stupid anime body pillow all the damn time. I told her that’s no way to talk about my girlfriend. She laughed, called me a pathetic neckbeard, and told me to go clean my basement lair before she kicked me out of the house. That’s why I stole her Kink.com password.Kink has been trying new things since 1997. They started as a site about hot bitches getting tied up and have since expanded their empire to all kinds of kinky BDSM and fetish material. Over the last two decades, they’ve built a steady following of kinksters, fetishists and perverts of all stripes. They get millions of visits per month, all looking for something a bit harder than they can find on the vanilla paysites.
The Freakiest Kink You’ve Ever Wanked ToHoly living mother of fuck. The landing page to Kink has all the exposed titties and penetrated cunts you’d expect from a premium porn site, but the context seems like a completely different world. I get nervous loading up the lesbian section of Pornhub, so I’m shaking a little bit as I take in the scene here.Two exclusive new scenes have been added today. One is about a bad girl who visits a doctor about her lewd habits. It turns out he’s a bit of a pervert, too. He whips the shit out of her, forces her to suck his cock, and strips the little bitch down. Surprise! She’s a tranny, but I guess I should have guessed that because it’s on a Kink channel called TS Seduction.The other new clip for the day involves a nurse who treats her restrained patient with brutal caning and some tight clamps attached to his nipples and nut sack. She sits on his face, kicks him in the balls a bunch of times, and finally pegs him with a big strap-on dildo.I kind of thought this was going to be something else, and now I’m getting a little bit queasy. The thing is, this is typically 40 bucks a month. I’m sure mama shells out for the yearly membership which breaks down to a much cheaper rate, but it’s still more than I could afford on my allowance. It’s just a matter of time until she realizes I stole her password, so I really want to get my stolen money’s worth.
Super Hardcore Fetish Smut and BDSMOnce I got logged in, I had full streaming and download access to over 70 channels and 14,000 scenes. That’s a fucking lot of fetish porn. They also update 72 times every month, so there’s no shortage of really kinky shit to shake your dick at.I’m sure my mom got into this BDSM stuff after 50 Shades of Gray, but every single bit of smut here is way more hardcore than that mainstream soccer mom bullshit. Recently added clips include a Boy Scout earning his breeding badge from a muscular scout leader who fucks him up the ass and eats that dirty brown hole, too. Another movie features a sexy fembot programmed to seduce and castrate powerful men, complete with forced feminization and almost as much ball stomping as I went through in high school. One solo scene features a black-haired beauty torturing herself with a cunt spreader, whips, clothespins, her own fist and plenty of her own piss.Most premium sites have a ton of variety, but I’m still shocked by the range of perversion here. A lot of these are pretty deep niches that will only appeal to a select group of perverts. Kink really aims to please all of their depraved viewers, branching out into all kinds of fetishes you may not have even heard of.A quick trip to the Categories page backs that up. There is typical porn stuff like Lesbians, MILFs, Squirting and Threesomes. Most of the list is much freakier business, though. Kink has huge selections of Latex, Pain and Pegging. They’ve got plenty of Sounding, which if you aren’t aware is when you stick a metal rod up a dude’s urethra. The Wrestling is less homoerotic than the stuff on TV, but it looks like it might hurt even more.There is a huge Gay area. I told you these guys want to appeal to everyone. I have the site preferences set up to show me the straight content, but a fair amount of queer stuff still shows up in my members' area. I’d probably be more upset about seeing guys pack each other’s shit if I wasn’t queasy from watching this tickling fetish movie. It gave me terrible flashbacks to the time that asshole Jimmy made me piss myself in gym class.
Full-Length, High-Value Extreme BDSM MoviesAs a scared and psychologically tiny man with morbid obesity and extreme social anxiety, all the femdom stuff on Kink scares the living shit out of me. Fortunately, they’ve got a shit ton of maledom that I can watch and try to live vicariously through the violent sexual acts of seriously alpha dudes. Make fun of me all you want, but we can’t all have The Porn Dude’s levels of testosterone and manliness flowing through us. Some of us virgins need a little inspiration.One of their newest Featured movies is a full-length BDSM epic called Derelicts: The Psychosexual Abduction of Casey in Charlotte. It runs nearly 2 hours long and features a couple of the hottest models in the industry, Casey Calvert and Charlotte Sartre.The built-in player here is really fucking basic for a premium site. There is a Play/Pause button, a timeline slider and a volume button. You can go Full Screen, but that’s it. They don’t even have resolution controls, which seems a little fucking crazy in 2019.The movie starts with an out-of-character interview with the two sluts. They discuss their limits and safe words, and it seems like these chicks are down for almost everything. The quality looks good, even with that nonadjustable resolution. The Download button does offer the flick in a range of qualities, so I assume the video player is adjusting based on my own bandwidth.
So Much Perversion, So Little TimeYou can fit a lot of serious depravity into a movie this long. The sexy girls set out on a road trip that quickly goes off the rails. There’s a Hills Have Eyes vibe as the stranded girls walk around a deserted desert town, stranded by an accident that was no accident. It’s not long before the first girl’s abducted and dragged into a dark, dusty mine by a deranged creep in a mask.I got a lot of ideas about things I can do with my girlfriend. You fuckers talk shit about my anime body pillow, but how many of your flesh women will let you get away with putting a heavy chain around their necks, slapping their cunts until they scream and gagging them with your gloved hand deep in their mouth? Does your wife let you keep her chained in a subterranean layer, much like mine but with more dust, beating her with a whip and fucking her with a cattle prod?The production values and acting are high as fuck. This looks like something you’d watch on Netflix, only with a lot more explicit extreme sex, nudity and abuse. The pain looks real, the screams sounded legit, and I don’t know how they can fake those tears. Now I know why my mom looks so sad and can’t sit down right whenever my old gym teacher spends the night.Kink.com isn’t for everybody, but they do try to have something for every type of freaky fetishist and BDSM enthusiast out there. Whether you’re straight, gay, or just a sad neckbeard who stole his mom’s password to try something a little bit different in your masturbatory routine, these kinky fuckers want to make you happy, and maybe make you suffer a little bit. Or a lot.