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Tuk Tuk Patrol

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Thailand seems like a really nice place to visit. I’ve always admired the local culture, and I really love the cuisine. Pad Thai, tom yum soup, and all the delicious curries… not to mention the cute waitresses. It’s always nice to have a captive audience that has to keep coming back to you no matter how much you stare and no matter how many inappropriate comments you make. Oh, and the beaches! I’ve heard they’re beautiful. Yeah, that’s the real reason I want to go to Thailand. The scenery. Thailand does have beaches, right? It must, it’s right next to the ocean. I think. I’m pretty sure. Let’s go with that. And if it doesn’t, it probably has mountains or jungles or some other thing that I can use as an excuse when mommy asks why I’m spending all of her money on this vacation. On a completely unrelated note, I just found this really awesome website that I want to share with you. It’s called Tuk Tuk Patrol. Tuk tuks are those cheap little rickshaws that you can ride around in throughout a lot of poorer countries. Basically, Tuk Tuk Patrol is a video diary of a guy who travels around Thailand doing all sorts of different things. What kind of thing? Well… turns out its mostly having sex with Thai girls. That doesn’t mean that the hope of finding young cute Thai girls is the reason I want to go to Thailand, though. I promise. I just really admire the country. What did I say I liked before? Oh yeah, the food. I’m a foodie. This trip is definitely about the food. Ok, to be honest, maybe I admire the country’s women more than I admire everything else about Thailand. They’re small, cute, and submissive, and I’ve heard that they love foreign men enough that they might overlook the fact that I’m not exactly popular with women over in this part of the world. Just don’t tell my mom, alright?

Bringing My Boner To Bangkok

In the meantime, I think I’ll prepare for my trip by watching a few videos on Tuk Tuk Patrol. I’m sure Thai women will be much more attracted to me than girls are over here, but I still think it’s probably a good idea to be as prepared as possible. I want to know what to expect. You will have to pay to get access to Tuk Tuk Patrol. I see it as an investment, just like buying one of those paperback travel guides you see at bookstores. The main difference here is that it is a lot easier to masturbate to Tuk Tuk Patrol than it is to masturbate to the Rough Guide to Bangkok. Believe me, I’ve tried. Thankfully, their membership rates are pretty reasonable. The short-term one-month membership will cost you about thirty dollars, but you can progressively reduce that to as low as ten bucks a month if you commit to a longer-term membership. With your membership, you’ll get access to over a hundred videos, plus a new one every few weeks. On top of that, you’ll be able to use over ten thousand of the photographs that the site’s owner took while in Thailand. And don’t worry, these aren’t the tired old touristy photos like your aunt and uncle take when they go on vacations, the pics on Tuk Tuk Patrol do a much better job of capturing Thailand’s… natural beauty. Once you’ve bought your virtual plane ticket you’ll be greeted immediately with the greatest sight known to man: a gallery of cute, young, small naked girls. Click on any one of them and you’ll move forward to a video of these cuties sucking and getting fucked. If none of the choices in front of you strike your fancy, then you do have a few other navigational options to get you to where you need to be. Click on “Our Girls” on the top of the site and you’ll get a comprehensive listening of every tourist attraction that Mr. Tuk Tuk has visited on his many trips to Thailand. Find one that you’d like to visit too, and click on her to see a listing of each video that she’s featured in. Alternatively, you can click on “Top-Rated” to view the greatest hits that Thailand has to offer. These are the videos chosen by the community to be the best of the best, so if you’re short on time and can’t decide on what to watch this is probably the section for you. I just sent mommy downtown to go pick up some pad kee mao, so I think I’ve got about thirty minutes… Ahhh, that’s better. I think I’ll add that video to my favorites section so that I can come back to it when I’ve got a little bit more time. Probably later tonight. But I’ll start with something else, a seasoned masturbator like me always needs variety. That’s what I use the “Categories” section for, since it lets you browse not by video or by the girl starring in it, but by whatever depraved sex act our gracious tour guide was able to convince the girls to commit. If all of that isn’t enough, you can also search by titles, tag, and the text of the detailed description that accompanies each video. If you still haven’t found anything you like through any of the other methods, this should let you jump to something more specific pretty quickly and easily. But let’s talk about the videos, too: yeah, the site is great, but if the porn sucks that doesn’t mean much. Thankfully, that’s not an issue with Tuk Tuk Patrol. Most of the videos start off with the same formula: our traveler meets up with a girl, seduces her, and then fucks her. Don’t let this convince you that the videos are boring, though: once the sex starts, the videos tend to get pretty interesting. This guy’s sex skills are on par with what my wet dreams suggest ThePornDude is like.

Taking Home A Souvenir

The video playback features on Tuk Tuk Patrol are a bit basic. Beyond pausing and playing, there really isn’t anything you can do with the videos. Most of the time this isn’t that big of a deal, since I watch 99% of my porn by just hitting play and dropping my pants, but a few quality or speed options would be nice. On the plus side, the site does work just as well on the mobile version, so it’s not like you have to decide between form and function when making the decision about which device to jerk off with. You can even download each and every one of the videos on the site for no extra charge. You’ve got the choice of saving the videos in both low-quality versions if you’re short on space, or full HD if you prefer quality over quantity. I’ve heard that the internet can be a bit spotty in Thailand, so I think I’m going to grab a few of these to take with me on my trip. Not that I don’t think I’ll have hundreds of Thai girls begging for my three inches, but just in case… for some reason the last vacation I went on to have sex with the local girls didn’t exactly turn out as planned, so it would be nice to have some videos to relieve myself to so that I don’t end up getting arrested and jailed in a foreign country like last time. Plus, if you download and install a full-featured video player like VLC, the fact that you can’t fast-forward or rewind or play the videos in slow motion on the site itself doesn’t really matter. Just download the video and play it from your desktop, and you’ll be able to watch these tiny Asians scream as they take a painfully large cock at any speed that pleases you. There is a statement asking you not to give the downloaded videos to anyone else, but there aren’t any anti-piracy measures in place to actually stop you from doing just that. But don’t worry, Mr. Tuk Tuk. I won’t share them with anyone. That’s probably more because I don’t really have any friends (or even acquaintances), but I hope you’ll respect me for following your rules anyways.