Slixa

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I spend a lot of time thinking about sex. I mean, like a lot of freaking time. That actually is probably an understatement. I think it’s probably fair to say that I spend 99.99% of my waking life thinking about sex. And 99.99% of my dreams are about sex. Usually my dreams involve me having sex. Or two people having sex in front of me while I watch. Or, sometimes, my dreams are of entire orgies, massive groups of people, having sex while I walk around an Eyes Wide Shut type scenario with my wiener in my hands, trying to get it up but failing and then the whole group stops banging and sucking each other and starts laughing at me. It is not easy being a virgin at the age of 37. With each day bringing me one step closer to that despicable 40-year-old virgin mark, I will admit, sometimes I am pretty insecure about the fact that I have never had sex. What I get even more insecure about, though, is the very real possibility … actually, let’s call it a very high probability … that I never will have sex. At this point, I think it’s just too late for me. If I was ever going to get laid it most likely would have happened for me by this point in my life. And, honestly, as hard as it is to believe, I think that I am finally coming to terms with this fact. I used to be very bitter about it. I used to take it out on women. I despised women. Mostly because none of them wanted to sleep with me. But I’ve learned over time that it isn’t their fault … it’s mine. If I were more attractive, maybe girls would sleep with me. If I had more money, girls would probably sleep with me. If I were less socially awkward and had some sort of redeeming character trait to compensate for my ugly face and doughy physique, like a great sense of humor or any sort of artistic talent, I bet girls would sleep with me. But I have none of those things. And that isn’t their fault. Girls don’t want to sleep with guys like me. Girls want to bang guys like my hero, The Porn Dude. You know the type … so cool that panties wet when he walks into a room. So smooth that panties drop left and right after only a few words are exchanged. So rich that girls throw themselves at him just based on what he drives. Plus, on top of all that, he’s good looking and has a phenomenal sense of humor. Gosh, I would give anything to be even a fraction as cool as The Porn Dude. But alas, here I am … alone, wearing nothing but my underwear and Cheetos dust on my fingers in my mother’s basement, looking at porn, again, for hours on end until, eventually, I will probably end up humping my body pillow/girlfriend Suki until I fall asleep. Then, when I wake up, I can do it all over again. Maybe one of these days I’ll finally nut up and order me an escort. Just get the poison out, finally, once and for all. I have a little bit of cash saved up … I could totally afford it. But where would I bring her? To my mom’s house? No way. Neither her nor my mom would be having any of that, I’m sure. Plus, I hate sneaking around, and we’d have to be super quiet and stuff. No way. I suppose I could get a hotel room. But that seems like it would be a major waste of money, to pay for a hotel room for an entire night, knowing that I would bust my nut 5 minutes into my girl’s visit. Then I’d just be stuck all alone in a hotel room with nothing to do. And there’s nothing lonelier in the world than staying solo at a hotel. That shit’s just sad.

Maybe One Day…I’ll Use Slixa

I have been doing my research, though, on what sites I might turn to if I ever do get the balls to order an escort and go through with it. And one of those sites, one of the best that I’ve seen thus far, is the one we’ll be taking a look at today. So, sit back and get ready to learn all there is to know about Slixa, quite possibly the classiest escort ad site on the web. From the moment you land on Slixa’s home page, it will become immediately clear to you that this is not your typical trash dump, Back Page affair. This site looks professional as heck. In fact, if it weren’t for all the images of escorts that span the home page, you would never be able to tell this was a sex-related site … it looks that good! At the very top of the page, you will find a site menu bar that is sleek and easy to use, making it more convenient than ever to browse escorts and find exactly what it is that you’re looking for … choose from a few different kinds of arrangements and/or choose your city. Next to the Slixa logo, you will find a choose your city dropdown … simple enough, right? Besides that, there are a few more options to help you navigate the site: Blog, Favorites, Entertainer Sign Up, Log In, and Join for Free. These options make it super convenient if you want to keep track of the girls who you have browsed, or just to have an easy to access list of all the girls you have ordered that you would like to come back to (and cum on the backs of) in the future. Below that, you have some sponsored links to choose from, all of which are escort related (at least loosely). There’s Local Hookup, Pay for Play and Sugar Babies. Clicking on one of these links will bring you to a third-party site where you can look into any of these additional options. Even the ads on Slixa are classy! Actually, now that I am thinking about it, maybe a sugar baby would be the best way to go for me. I am pretty well off, but, on second thought, I doubt I have sugar daddy money! So, maybe not. Then, below the site menu bar, you’ll find a large banner that has featured escorts being alternated, giving you quick access to seeing some of the finest ladies Slixa has to offer! They, of course, will be from all over the US (this is a US-based escort ad site, so, no surprise there), but it is a great way to introduce visitors to the quality of women that the site has to offer. These girls, as you will see, are not your typical night walking ladies of the night. These aren’t the kinds of girls you will find approaching cars in neon G-strings on the wrong side of town. No, these are the kinds of girls that you could catch a senator cheating on his wife with. High end. Classy. Beautiful. And, therefore, definitely not cheap.

Time to Find Ya some Vagina

Then, underneath the banner, it’s time to get your search underway! There are tons of girls on this site, and some of them, based on popularity I would assume, have made their way onto the home page. Browse through them if you like or go straight to your city if you prefer to get right down to business. You’re a busy man, I’m sure. Or, at the very least, you are a horny man. Either way, time is of the essence! When you click onto a girl’s profile, you will see why Slixa is such an amazing site. The profiles are full of all the relevant info that you would need before deciding to contact a girl. Well, usually. Obviously, it depends on the girl and what she chooses to include. But for the most part, everything is there … plenty of pics (high-quality, too, often), a nice little bio, contact information, and, thank goodness, prices! You would be surprised by how rare it is that escort ad sites like this actually have a good number of girls who list what they charge directly on their profile. So, Slixa is a godsend for that.

Two Tiny Complaints

I only really have two complaints about this site. Number one, only the biggest cities are included in the list—New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, etc.—so, if you don’t live in a large, metropolitan area, you are kind of SOL, as they say. My other only complain is the fact that you cannot directly message escorts on the site. That seems like a huge missed opportunity. How nice would it be to not have to get your phone out and text a bunch of numbers, trying to keep in line who’s who when you get responses who knows when later. Other than those two relatively small issues, though, Slixa is a fantastic escort ad site for you to find fantastically high-end girls. Enjoy!