Hardcore anal gonzo porn! I’ve always heard chicks really dig bad dudes, and I can back that up from personal experience. Not because they were ever into me, but the guys who used to beat me up back in school seemed to get laid all the goddamn time. I tried skipping class and carrying a butterfly knife, but instead of a blowjob, all that ever earned me was a bunch of cuts on my hands and after school detention where I got yet another swirly.My mom says the bad guy image will never work for me, but she also tells me if I keep at it, eventually, a girl is bound to fall for me. With that in mind, I’ve been beating off to EvilAngel quite a bit lately. There’s nothing more bad than a guy who likes evil chicks, right? I just bought a new leather jacket and a wallet that says BAD MOTHERFUCKER, too, so I’ve got to be on the right track. Worst case scenario, even if that wicked edge doesn’t rub off on me, I’ll at least get a bunch of wicked rub-out sessions out of it.
The Career Paths of Better Men Than IEvilAngel actually started way back in 1989. You could put out a pretty decent porno movie for around $4,000 back in those days, and that’s exactly what this dude John Stagliano did. He was a male stripper before he got into making porno, so he obviously knows a thing or two about sex appeal. That makes his content the perfect study material for adult virgins like myself.The landing page of EvilAngel today celebrates 30 Years of Evil. There is a Photoshop of a bunch of people sitting in a movie theater and for a second I got worried I was going to have to see some kind of spooky horror thing. Scary movies often give me panic attacks, but fortunately, this movie audience is a bunch of porno people.They currently put out at least one hardcore porn movie every day, over 60 per month, and the newest updates are spread out across the screen. There is a pale-fleshed hottie with her legs over her head, her mouth wide open, and a BBC shoved in her waiting asshole. Another blonde is getting butt-fucked by another black cock while her lesbian friend eats her pussy. There is a black girl gaping from a white wiener and a white girl gaping from a black dick. As a white boy, that gives me a little more hope that I may be able to please a woman with enough practice and penile enhancement pills.I watched the preview for Squirting Jane’s Anal/A2M/DP Threesome. The tight young babe with the little tits gets rammed in all her holes until they are gaping wide open. Her pussy erupts with a geyser of girlcum while her fleshy pink rosebud peeks out of her butthole. She screams so loud that I had to turn my desktop speakers down so my mom wouldn’t hear and change the Wi-Fi password again.
Cheapskates Unite for Cheap-Ass Premium PornoOne of Evil Angel’s selling points is their massive collection of absolutely filthy, vile hardcore videos. The current total reaches nearly 18,000 movies. Hey, you build a stash of anything for 30 years and you end up with a mountain. That’s how my basement lair became a cramped maze of furry manga, boxed action figures, fidget spinners and old Happy Meal toys. It will all pay off one day, you’ll see.To tell you the truth, one of the main reasons I checked out EvilAngel was because The Porn Dude gave it five stars on his site. I’ve been going through and signing up for his favorites even if it is costing me an arm and a leg. I was fucking thrilled to find out EvilAngel will only run you 15 bucks a month, about half the price of most paysites. They’ve even got a free one-week trial and a whole year for just $120. Those are the real prices, too. These guys don’t do that bullshit where you find out downloads cost extra after you’ve already subscribed.I got signed up, logged in, and dropped into the members' area. They’ve apparently got a revamped members area that’s supposed to be live now, but the link just goes to a broken page. They must still be working on it.The smut, though! I’m a little bit intimidated by all the beautiful women on the screen. I mean, it’s not as bad as trying to talk to them in real life, since they can’t see me nervous sweating through my fat rolls in my Dragon Ball Z button-down, but you know how it is. My pecker is immediately super hard, like half a roll of Lifesavers in my tighty whiteys.
Warning: Contents of Balls May Erupt Without WarningI see a lot of my favorite professional sluts even in just the last couple of weeks of updates. MILF Alexis Fawx gets her face jizzed on, Asian babe Saya Song does a bit of DP, and Kira Noir and Jane Wilde both star in interracial anal gaping flicks. I’m in a mood for some Latina banging, so I’m going to check out Luna Star in her newest EvilAngel movie. I took a few antacids beforehand because I worried about getting heartburn from this spicy Latin dish. Taco Bell is usually too much for my sensitive tummy.The scene is from the Anal Players #06 DVD. The HD clip opens with Luna dancing in heels and a revealing bikini. I got a stiffy immediately as she tugged on the skimpy garment, teasing at what was underneath. I reached for my box of tissues and lotion as she turned around and started twerking that thick Latin booty.And that’s it for me. The jiggle was just too much, and I ended up popping just over a minute in, before we even got to see her bare breasts or wet muff. I didn’t even manage to get the tissue in place and sprayed all over my mom’s tablecloth again. Fuck. She’s going to be so pissed. I hope I don’t get grounded again.Even though I’m spent, I checked out the rest of the scene for you guys. Luna shows off those sucking talents for a while before spinning around and riding the dude’s cock. The way she bounces that butt is so hypnotic. My anime princess body pillow just isn’t able to move like that. It’s okay, your royal highness, you are still my one true love and the only one I’ll share a bed with, at least until I meet a real girl.EvilAngel flicks are known for being hardcore to the core. Luna is a nasty girl who rims this motherfucker as she’s sucking him off. After a rough ass-banging, she opens up for some ass-to-mouth deepthroating before a fantastic titty fuck. The whole thing culminates in a sloppy facial, during which the hungry whore tries to gobble down as much sperm as she can.I don’t know how she does it. I once tried to eat some of my own jizz because I heard it had various benefits to your mental and physical health, and could even make you more attractive to the opposite sex. I ended up gagging on the sticky stuff and throwing up all over my cat. Worst of all, I found out all the benefits I was after weren’t real at all, and I had just been the victim of another brutal prank by my sister. She’s always been such a bitch and it just isn’t fair.EvilAngel.com made me bust a nut in barely over a minute, which I’d say is a pretty good endorsement of their quality. It’s pretty clear to see why they’ve been around so fucking long with their commitment to pushing the limits of depravity in every movie they put out. They’ve built one hell of a huge porn stash over the last 30 years and it just keeps growing. It costs half as much as most of its competitors, making it an easy choice for a masturbator on a budget. Just do what I did and ask your mom for 15 bucks to see a movie.