Eccie

I’ve been considering hiring an escort lately. Not for sex, but for companionship and friendship. It’s hard to admit it, but sometimes I get lonely and there are a few itches that my pillow, my sex dolls, and my mommy just can’t scratch.

It’s not at all because I’m a desperate virgin that women naturally avoid. It’s just that I’m such a busy person, I think it’s worth trading a bit of my hard-earned allowance to spend a few hours with a pretty girl. And hey, if they happen to want to have sex with me after I give them three hundred dollars, who am I to say no?

In the last few years, it’s become harder and harder to find escorts. I think this is just discrimination against guys like me. They say its to protect the victims of sex trafficking, but what about the victims of society’s unrealistic expectations in men? How do they expect guys with average three-inch dicks like me to get laid when everyone is talking about studs like ThePornDude like they’re a dime a dozen.

Craigslist’s personals section is dead, and Backpage went with it too. One of the few survivors of this moral crusade to protect my virginity is a site called Eccie. It’s less known than those two major players, but it’s actually probably better than both of them put together. They had to make a few changes to stay on the right side of the law, but I think Eccie is still probably my best bet. It’s certainly more likely than me ever getting laid without paying somebody, that’s for sure.

My Back Pages

The heart and soul of Eccie can be found it two virtually identical subforums. Just navigate towards the geographic forum closest to you, then open up either “Weekly Updates” if its between Monday and Wednesday, or “Weekend Updates” if it’s between Thursday and Sunday.
No matter which you open up, you’ll find the same thing: hundreds of girls nearby offering their “companionship.” Usually, they’ve got a few pictures of themselves in their threads, along with a description of their location, availability, and “menu,” but if you want even more information there is a way to find it.

Look to your left and click on the link titled “My Bio Page.” Once there, you’ll see all of the information that your chosen target has elected to share with the public: usually, you’ll get their age, some contact information, a detailed physical description, and a bit of information about them as a person that you can feel free to ignore.

In the good old days, you used to be able to find a menu with prices in this section, but the recent legal climate has mostly killed that. Thankfully girls are still usually willing to share that information if you reach out to them, because I guess a cop wouldn’t go through all that effort, right?

A lot of girls on Eccie are understandably wary about meeting with a complete stranger, so many of them will only meet with you if you have verified references from other girls on the site. Though fair, this is probably the biggest problem with the site: if ninety percent of the girls won’t see you without a reference, how are you supposed to get a reference in the first place?

If you’re new to Eccie, you’ll want to look for a certain key phrase: “Newbie Friendly.” These girls might not be as high-quality and they’re harder to find, but you have to pay your dues if you wanted to become a trusted member of the community.

”Encounter” Reports

The other main area that Eccie focuses on is what it calls “Encounter Reports.” Back in the days before there was so much media and law enforcement attention on these types of sites, these weren’t named so euphemistically, but they still contain what they used to: reviews.
The reviews are split into a few different sub-forums. The main Encounter Reports section will contain reviews of the girls that are posting in the Weekly and Weekend Updates sections that we talked about before, as well as independent girls that either work the streets or sites like Bedpage.

Within each report you’ll find the girls’ name, contact information, and location, as well as pretty much every bit of information you’ll need to determine if they’re worth your time and money. You’ve got a physical description, age, and then what should matter most: a list of the “activities” that they performed.

The list is couched in a secret language that can only be deciphered by years of study and effort, or, alternatively, a ten-second Google search. In either case, this section lets you know what the girl will do with you once you pay her. Of course, you’re paying her for her time and companionship and these sex acts will just happen to occur incidentally because she loves you so much, but that’s beside the point.

There’s also a secret hidden section of each review that you won’t see at first. This section, known on Eccie as the “Rest of The Story,” is a much more detailed narrative of how the date went. This isn’t viewable to the general public for two reasons: one, they don’t want cops peeking in on the potentially-illegal activities going on, and two, the site needs to make money somehow.

There are two ways to obtain premium access to this hidden section. The fastest and easiest way is to pay for it: like a lot of porn sites, the cost of premium access varies depending on the term you purchase, so if you think paying for escorts is about to become a way of life for you, your best bet is to bite the bullet, admit that women won’t spend time with you without compensation, and pay for a year at a time for a hundred bucks.

Hell, if you’ve really hit rock bottom and given up completely like I have, you can even get a twenty-five-year membership for $250.00. I suppose the real hidden cost here is having to admit to yourself that your only hope of getting laid is paying for escorts, but that realization is probably worth the savings over time.

No matter which way you choose, you’ll also get two other bonus features: access to a guys-only discussion forum and increased private messaging capacity. Neither of these really mattered to that much, and it would be nice for premium access to get rid of ads, too, but I can’t complain too much. If you’re going to risk your funds and your freedom to pay for a date, having access to the narrative portion of each review is essential.

Your other option for getting premium is to do help build the Eccie community up by taking a risk, seeing a provider, and posting your own review. If the review is descriptive enough you’ll be given short-term temporary access to the premium features as a reward. I would never do this myself (in case anyone from Eccie is reading) but I don’t see how they would know if you wrote up a bit of fiction and posted it as fact, so if you’re short on funds and willing to wait a few days to get your “review” approved this might be the easiest way to get premium.

The other areas of the “Encounter Reports” section host reviews of “companionship” for money experiences that originate outside of Eccie (often misspelled as “eecie”). You’ve got AMP/Spa reports, where you’ll find reviews about what goes down at those unlicensed Chinese massage parlors that are open past midnight and have locked doors with blocked-out windows. There are also strip club reports, which tend to talk less about the average experience and more about what parts of you can get touched if you wave around a few bills. Then, you’ve got studio reports, which are reviews of businesses that essentially operate under the radar as brothels, usually complete with line-ups of girls to choose from.

Of course, all of these reviews are works of fiction. I think that’s the completely transparent lie that we’re skirting the law with now, right guys?