Digital Playground

DigitalPlayground! I have to admit that I was a bit wary when I first saw the name Digital Playground. Digital is great: everything I love is digital. I like video games, anime, and spending my entire life hiding from the outside world while being bathed by the warm glow of my computer screen.

But Playground made me cautious. It’s not that I don’t like playgrounds. I have a lot of fun memories of hanging out at playgrounds. But the judge was very clear that I’m not allowed to go within five hundred feet of a playground until I’m off the registry.

So I called up my court-appointed lawyer and asked him if digital playgrounds count as playgrounds. He sighed deeply, said something about how he needed to make a career change, and told me never to call him again with questions like this.

That wasn’t really the kind of answer I was hoping for, so I thought I’d just pull up the site and check it out from a distance. There’s no harm in that, right?

And then… when I did, I couldn’t resist. Just like a real playground. So I dove in. It’s better to ask for forgiveness later than permission, right? That argument didn’t hold up with the judge, but the girls on this homepage are a bit too tempting for me to care. Whoops, that argument didn’t work either. Oh well. I’m going in.

More Than Enough Playground Equipment

Digital Playground specializes in full-length porn movies, just like you’d see at the theater. Well, maybe not just like the theater, there’s a bit more full-frontal nudity and sex involved here (unless you’re watching eyes wide shut). But aside from that, the only real difference is that you won’t get escorted out if you start to masturbate—it’s actually encouraged.

They split their content up into a few different categories. My favorite is “DP Parodies,” where they have porn films in the style of pretty much every popular movie and TV series. They’ve got Star Wars porn, Star Trek Porn, Legend of Zelda Porn, and about ten or fifteen different movies featuring superheroes doing exactly what you’ve been dying to watch them do after you got your first boner while watching catwoman.

Then they’ve got what they call “Flixx,” which is pretty much just your standard porn with a plot. That’s not to say it’s boring—the girls are hot, and the videos are still creative, but these take place in the real world rather than being parodies. Again, each one is about half an hour long—just long enough to cum to, but not long enough for mom to get suspicious because you’ve been in the bathroom with the shower running for too long.

Oh, which reminds me: Digital Playground’s mobile site is flawless. You can jerk off to their stuff just about anywhere, just make sure you’ve got a waterproof phone before you follow my lead or you’re going to have to have an awkward conversation at the cellphone store trying to explain why you got your phone soaking wet despite it not having rained in weeks.

Next up is “Raw Cuts.” These are still scripted videos of about half an hour in length, but the style is much more informal. They’re made to seem like amateur porn, and they successfully combine all of the appeal of real-life encounters without being rough around the edges like so many homemade porn vids.

They’ve also got a section called “Episodes,” which is where they list their regularly-updated ongoing productions, each of which have overarching plots and recurring characters. Every single week, there’s a new episode from at least one series. Now that Game of Thrones is over it’s not like there’s anything good to watch on TV anyway, so I’ve been using this section as a replacement.

After their TV show equivalent comes Digital Playgrounds replacement for feature-length movies: the “Blockbuster” section. At first, I thought that this was named after the long-defunct video rental chain, so I expected it to be slow, overpriced, and empty, but I was happily surprised. Instead, I found a huge collection of incredibly hot porn movies, each split up into a few parts totaling about two hours in length. And, unlike the video store, you don’t have to pay extra to rent them and there aren’t any late fees—it’s all included in your subscription.

Last (and probably least) is a section called “DP Partners” that has a few videos that Digital Playground produced in a partnership with Brazzers. These videos are a pretty good change of pace, but there are only ten of them compared to the hundreds in some of the other sections.
Within each category, Digital Playground offers powerful filtering tools to let you find the perfect porno. You can sort by release date, rating, view count, and title, or you can look through their extensive tag system. Last but not least is the directory listing each appearance of all of the over one thousand girls appearing in each and every Digital Playground video.

What really sets Digital Playground apart from a lot of its competitors is the production value of their videos. If I didn’t know I was watching porn, sometimes I think I would have trouble telling these from Hollywood movies. Honestly, until the people take off their clothes and start having incredibly graphic sex, the only difference is that I’ve got lube and tissues on my desk instead of Mountain Dew and popcorn. Though maybe I should start adding food and drinks into my masturbation mix since the videos are so good. It might get a bit sticky, but that can be fun too.

A Porn Fan And His Money Are Easily Parted

The longer you commit to being a member of Digital Playground the less you’ll pay over time, so if you’re like me it’s best to just resign yourself to a lifetime of masturbation and pay for a year upfront. A short three-day trial will run you five bucks, a month about thirty, and three months will cost you twenty each. The big savings come in if you sign up for twelve months at once, which will come at an affordable rate of ten dollars each month.

At first, I tried to convince myself that I was going to have a girlfriend eventually so I just subscribed for a month at a time, but now I really wish I’d saved that extra twenty bucks a month by picking the long term subscription. I could use that money and sign up for a few more months of Digital Playground.

One of the really useful unique features of Digital Playground is how easy they make it for you to give them your money. With the exception of the three-day trial membership, which can only be paid for with a credit card, all of Digital Playground’s membership options can be paid for with alternative methods.

If you don’t have access to a credit card but mommy tends to leave her checkbook out on the kitchen counter, just write a check to Digital Playground, forge her signature, and send it in. Paying for a premium porn site using a payment method typically reserved for paying the rent and for old ladies who like to hold up lines at the grocery store might seem a bit counterintuitive, but it’s good that the flexibility is rare.

Even more interesting is the fact that you have the option of paying in a number of cryptocurrencies. This has the advantage of being incredibly discreet, but the disadvantage that the volatility of these currencies meaning that the thirty dollars you paid for a month of Digital Playground might be worth thirty thousand by the time your subscription is over.

Lastly, you have the capability of paying for your membership by trading in a gift card. Digital Playground has their own schedule of values that they use for trade-ins, just like video game stores, but the difference here is that they generally correspond closely to their actual dollar value instead of giving you a few pennies in exchange for a rare collector’s edition that you camped out overnight for.