CooMeet

User Rating:

We have another one of those sites that instantly make me sad and feel pathetic for myself and mankind in general. Coomeet.com is one of those sites where you can arrange a video chat with the sexiest girls on the internet, or better yet, hottest girls of the planet. Because those two are practically the same anyways. And I think to myself, like, I'd probably do this if I had any money to do that. And other guys who have been blessed with financial independence are doing the same. Like why do we throw money on these electronic girls just because we feel lonely? Some of you guys have functional dicks, unlike me, you know? Rent a whore or something, do it for the rest of us that can't fuck even with a literal ton of Viagra. I mean, it is what it is man, but it's my job to write these reviews anyway, so I'm going to fucking do it. If you're interested in how this site works, you might as well read it too.

Homepage

The homepage looks so flashy, elegant, and girly. Which is their ploy to get you hooked on it immediately, because you'll feel like there's feminine stuff going around there, and that'll trigger your cure-my-loneliness-for-two-minutes response. I know, because the same fucking thing happens to me all the time. But, as if that's not enough, they also offer you a free trial, without registering, to seal the deal with pathetic morons like me, and you. And when you scroll down there, you'll see a bunch of information about what Coomeet.com is about, how it functions, what kind of chicks can you find there, and all of that bullshit. All in all, even though it's designed to attract men, you can see the feminine influence on this site, and how real it is. I guess that that's what happens when you finally crack the code to the psych of idiots like me, who'll do anything to feel a woman's warmth in their soul. But that's okay since it is how it is. And there's nothing I can do to change that. Yet. And of course, the page is all purple and pink colored, so you know they have girls that are the epitome of femininity and all that bullshit. Sometimes I surprise myself at how smart I am and how much I understand some psychology tricks. And yet I always fall for them and never do anything with my life, so it doesn't even fucking matter.

Navigation

What you get on Coomeet.com is like a little preview before you take that free trial. And as I've previously said, a bunch of info about what the site is about. The only navigation tool that you can use is the button that'll provide you with the free trial. That particular button appears on three places in that small space that you can scroll on, so it's designed like a massive fucking net that's ready to catch some stupid fishes. You actually start feeling like a fish after a while. Your mouth is all swollen from water, but not because you were swimming, obviously. It's from all the tears. You can barely breathe on the ground anymore, and you're just too fucking stupid to realize it. And of course, as the researchers concluded, you do not feel pain. Because you've suffered through all these years of existential crisis, getting beaten up by bullies, putting up with your parents' bullshit, and whatever other things that can cross my mind. Basically, welcome to my existence. And if you click on the trial option on Coomeet.com, you basically just have to confirm your gender, and then they immediately find you a video chat. And here I am, sitting in my underwear (since I'm working from home), drinking my seventh coffee for today, I forgot to shave, and my glasses are crooked because they're broken. I also haven't washed my hair for like four days because I don't go out anyways, so what's the fucking point. And then they like, find me a video chat partner instantly, without like preparing me or anything? I feel sorry for the girl who had to see me in this state. Dear goth chick that looks like she just came out of Heaven, sorry for the disturbance once again, it's not my fault that I look like this. But yeah, basically, if you're going to test the trial, don't be like me. Put some clothes on, make yourself look presentable, you know? I like their lack of options. You can immediately put the site to use, and you don't have to think about your hideous existence while you're doing it. It's the same with ATMs and me, you know? I type in my PIN (I'm not gonna tell ya, I'm not that stupid), and then like, I start smiling as the money comes out. And then I remember two things - first of all, I'm a huge capitalist pig that's happy because he can buy fucking chips now. And second, I can't even buy a bag of chips because if my mother sees me eating it, she's just gonna claim it for herself. And I can't eat it outside, because, from all the years of overeating, she has a fucking sense of smell like a dog.

The perks

You want only the best if you're already wasting money on electronic girls and shit. That's why you're on Coomeet.com in the first place, to find some sweet chicks, and to fool yourself into thinking that you're happy for like half an hour, and that's it. Also, in my opinion, one of the biggest perks is the lack of options. Because it's not that easy to find a usable site. And practical, without any ads or bullshit like that right from the start. So even though I despise myself and how fucking weak I am, since I'm intrigued by Coomeet.com, I still have to hand it out to them. I mean, for the marketing and whatnot, they did a great job. Maybe if I had a team like that, my site would be more profitable, and I could finally move out. But I gave up. It's just not going to happen unless I run to Brazil and start making a life for myself there. The only reason why I'm not doing that is that I'm intimidated by men here, let alone in another country and an unfamiliar setting.

The content/video calls

On Coomeet.com, you have two options. You can have a friendly little video chat with the girls, or you can message them. You can still see them on the camera, but they can't see you. But, if you choose a video call, know that there's a little trick. Since currently, I look like the fucking Cookie Monster from Sesame Street, I tried covering my camera with my fingers. To save the poor girl from nightmares, and all of that. But suddenly, I get a little pop-up window telling me how the broadcasting can't start unless my face is visible as well. So yeah, if you're insecure and you despise the way you look, I'd advise either shaping up at the gym, or like just not using this site at all. And the video call system is fresh as well. The cameras are clean, and the texting system is easy to use, everything looks smooth, blah blah blah.

Registration and conclusion

As far as the registering process on Coomeet.com goes, you can do it in a few different ways. If you're nuts, you can connect through your Google or Facebook account, which I advise you not to do. But what the hell do I know, the only reason why I don't have a Facebook account is that nobody accepted me as a friend, not even my cousins. I thought aunts were supposed to accept every request, even if the guy behind the profile tells them that he's a Nigerian prince! But if you want to make an original account, then click on that option and have your fun. Enter your email, think of a password, and what happens next, happens next. That's it. All in all, I think Coomeet.com is a great site, on every single possible aspect and in every unique way. And I think that because they just took care of everything, and did whatever it takes to make some money and to attract suitable types of customers. If everybody had a team like that, then the porn community would probably look a bit less shady. But with horrible porn fans like me, and possibly you, it's just not going to happen, so appreciate what you have, folks.