Adult Offline! If you are anything like me, then you know just how important it is to always have porn at the ready. You never know when your WIFI could go down. Or when the electricity could go out, leaving you horny and pornless. If you are not prepared, that is. And there is nothing worse than being horny and pornless with nothing to do. How are you supposed to make yourself jizz then? Use your imagination? Yeah, right, that isn’t happening. I haven’t fapped without the aid of porn since, well, probably since the invention of the internet, at least! There’s no way I’m even getting it up these days without some kind of porn to help me out.I mean, sure, there are other ways to get off that do not always require porn, I guess. I always have my girlfriend, Suki, my hentai themed body pillow, for example. I cut a slit into her and she is just perfect for humping. Sometimes I even heat up some baked beans, put them into a sandwich bag and stuff her slit with that. It helps make it feel even more realistic! Not that I know what sex actually feels like, having never had my cherry popped, unfortunately. But I know from descriptions roughly what it’s supposed to feel like. And warm and squishy are two of the common qualifiers. With the warmed-up beans, that’s check and check!I also have my sex doll, Dolly, with whom I sometimes cheat on Suki. You can’t just be with one woman all the time, guys, right? Especially after 15 years, you have to do things to spice it up every now and then. And that is precisely what Dolly is for. When things get stale, I go to her for some strange. I don’t even have to put beans in her, though, because her vagina is about as realistic as they come. Well, save for actual vaginas, of course. Those cum much more real, for sure (again, I would have to imagine). Plus, Dolly doesn’t actually cum. So, that can be a bit of a downer. Even so, whether I’m pumping Dolly or Suki, 9 times out of 10, I still have porn on to help aid the process along.Especially considering the fact that neither Suki nor Dolly look particularly convincing as sexual partners. Dolly has those cold, dead eyes that she stares at me out of, very disengaged and distant … calloused. And Suki, well, Suki has a print of a hentai girl’s whole body. It seemed like a great idea 15 years ago. But, honestly, nowadays it just kind of takes me out of the moment. So, having the porn on while I pump my load into either of them definitely helps move things along.So, as you can see, it is imperative to have porn on hand at all times. I learned this lesson, actually, from my hero, The Porn Dude long ago. I forget which of his reviews I was reading, but he made a very convincing case for the fact that we should not abandon physical copies of porn (you know, DVDs, VHS, magazines, etc.) because of the fact that you never know … the entire internet could crash tomorrow, and then what would we do? Guys like me, who are incapable of talking to women, would be screwed! Guys like The Porn Dude, on the other hand, would be just fine. Those kinds of guys get their wieners wet all the time. But if you depend on porn, the moral of the story is this: do not let yourself ever be without porn!
Get Off, Even OfflineWhich is why it is great that there are sites out there like the one that I’ll be taking a look at today: Adult Offline. The name probably says it all. It is a way to make sure that you can still access all of your favorite adult content, even when you are offline! A truly necessary failsafe that every serious porn addict should consider checking out, lest you be caught with your pants down and no fapping material one of these days … we’ve all been there, and it is extremely frustrating, isn’t it?Which is why Adult Offline, at least at a glance, seems like a beautiful idea. Let’s head on over to the site, then, and see exactly what Adult Offline is all about … from the moment I land on the home page, they make it very clear that they exist as a means of downloading videos from your favorite free porn tubes. So, if you ever come across a video on, say, Porn Hub, Reddit, You Porn, X Tube, Spank Wire, etc., you can copy and paste the URL into Adult Offline and be rerouted to an immediate download link, making it impossible for you to ever be without porn again, with or without access to WIFI.
Going Above and BeyondAdult Offline even goes one step further, too, allowing you to browse videos that people have converted into downloads directly from their site. Instead of having to go elsewhere, checking multiple different free porn tubes to track down the content that you desire to download, simply browse what other people have downloaded already. Adult Offline allows you to browse by tag (they have a surprisingly extensive list), Porn Star, or Download Date (in case you want to see what people have downloaded most recently … what is currently hot or trending). This is an example of a site going above and beyond.They didn’t have to do this and it still would have been a cool idea. But the fact that they do offer this service as well just makes it all the better. This is the level to which all porn sites should aspire … going out of their way to provide a better, more pleasurable experience for its users. So, kudos to Adult Offline for going that extra mile.
Some Major FlawsThere are, however, some very big flaws with this site, I am sorry to report. For one, the site is designed rather sloppily. There are ads almost everywhere you look (and not sexy ones either, we’re talking the ones that insist on showing us penises over and over again … not cool). And the coding is jumbled and shoddily put together, resulting in a very sloppy site, overall. Blocks of text sometimes run into one another, images sometimes do not load. It’s not pretty at all.But the gravest offense of Adult Offline is how much of a gamble the actual functionality of the site is. What I mean by that is that sometimes it works, other times, not so much. When I visited yesterday, for example, I couldn’t even get the page to load after I copied and pasted the link of the video I wanted to download. It wouldn’t even go through the conversion process! Today, on the other hand, it goes through the process, but it won’t let me download the video. I even tried videos from multiple porn tubes: Porn Hub, xHamster, and Red Tube (three of the biggest on the web), but none of them would work with Adult Offline.Then, once I gave up on trying to convert the videos by URL, I figured I would browse videos by tag and try to download one that way. This time, at the very least, the video was able to download. But it downloaded in some weird format (even though it says it’s an MP4), one that neither of my media players would recognize. So, that renders that whole function useless! Although, it’s possible that VLC Media Player might be able to read it, since that media player never turns away a file (much like a seasoned hooker never turns down a dong). But, hey, call me crazy, I just want the site to work easily and consistently.It’s a shame, too, because this site has so much potential! I hope that they will get their act together and fix up all of the blunders on Adult Offline. It could be a fun and easy way to download porn. If only the people behind it would put a little more effort into it.All in all, though, it isn’t the end of the world for us that Adult Offline does not function as it should. In fact, it kind of seems like a relic of the past, seeing as most porn tubes nowadays allow you to download videos (in HD in some cases) directly from the site. So, a site like Adult Offline seems a little redundant perhaps. But still, it is reassuring to know that there might possibly be a way to download a video in the rare case that the porn tube in question won’t let you for whatever reason. Get it together, Adult Offline, your site could be totally cool!