VRCosplayX

VR Cosplay X! For years, my mom has given me shit about getting crushes on videogame babes, superhero sluts, and hot sci-fi movie characters. She said I should give up on that dream and focus on landing a real girl. She claimed I’d never get to smash Laura Croft, fuck Harley Quinn, or get that crazy bitch from Lollipop Chainsaw to ride my cock. Well, mom, thanks to VRCosplayX and that VR sex helmet you said was a huge waste of money, I can fuck the actual girls of my dreams instead of settling for your friend’s fat daughter who works at the dollar store.

I’ve always wanted to go to a comic book convention and gawk at all the cosplay beauties, but the thought of leaving my mom’s basement and interacting with actual humans who have boobs makes me break out in a cold sweat and big, red hives. Ever since VRCosplayX.com hit the web in 2016, I’ve been living out my convention hookup fantasies in virtual reality. They’re getting a couple of million visits a month, which is way bigger than even the San Diego Comic-Con. It makes sense; these bitches are certified pornstars, beautiful as hell and with superhuman sexual talent.

Better Than Jacking off at the Comic Book Store Again

Usually, when I’m reading a comic book or playing a videogame, I’m doing it with a semi-erect stiffy. Hey, it’s not my fault the artists draw or render all these sluts with perfect figures and antigravity boobs. Horny dudes of all ages are the target demographic, and I just happen to fit in there. Of course, that “all ages” caveat usually keeps all the raunchy sex scenes out of even the R-rated superhero flicks.

Load up the front page of VRCosplayX and it’s clear they built this fucking site just for me and you. Daphne and Velma have their perfectly round, succulent boobies out as they give you a seductive fuck-me look. Captain Marvel flashes a gorgeous ass and Elite Parasite Zero Two is dressed in latex and looking to get laid… by you, you big stud.

They’ve even got a Star Wars XXX parody where you get to hump Princess Leia in that slave get up. I’ve always really loved the idea of being a huge, fat guy so obese he can’t even get off of his pedestal and having a genuine space princess shackled in bondage and fully at my command. I always wondered what kind of kinky shit Jabba the Hutt was doing to her when the cameras weren’t watching. I guess it’s finally time to find out.

Tiered Memberships for Different Nerd Levels

There are three membership tiers for VRCosplayX: Rookie, Boss, and God. The Rookie membership is just a trial, one day and one download for one buck. You can stream all you want for that day, just remember that streaming VR won’t look half as good as the downloads until consumer Internet gets a hell of a lot faster. God mode is a yearly membership that breaks down to under a buck a month.

The Boss membership is what most of you will spring for. It’s 20 bucks for a month of unlimited streaming and downloads of virtual videogame sex and superhero blowjobs. That’s less than most premium porn sites charge, and you’re getting an exclusive new 3D fuck flick every week.

Membership also includes a weekly bonus VR scene from one of their sister sites, like KinkVR or BabeVR, as well as access to the BaDoink VIP network. BaDoink has over 10,000 dirty movies in their collection, which really rounds out the deal into a full-scale premium porno package.

They’re still giving out free Google Cardboards to new members. Google has since released and then abandoned Daydream, so I have to assume VRCosplayX just has a fucking stockpile of these things they’d like to get rid of. It’s a decent introduction to VR if you’ve never jerked off with a screen against your eyeballs, but all the newer gadgets make it seem like masturbating with your face pressed into an old Game Boy.

Stroking My Solid Snake in Virtual Reality

I knew this was going to be a hot site going in, but once I got logged in I found so much I wanted to shake my dick at almost immediately. They’ve got a Naruto parody starring Valentina Nappi, and Taylor Sands playing Kitty Pryde in an X-Men VR fuck flick. (They missed a perfect opportunity for an XXX-Men joke in the blurb. Goddamn, I really crack myself up. I’d do stand-up if I wasn’t too fat to stand for more than a minute at a time.)

The newest virtual reality sex parody on the site is based on Metal Gear Solid and stars Alyssa Reece. I know the games are all about stealth, but I also know that I’m going to be groaning, grunting and panting like a hot, tired dog as I furiously stroke my penis while watching this one.

It opens with some badass videogame shit as we watch Alyssa fuck up a couple of dudes in some warehouse. She’s kicking ass until she gets captured, at which point we find the little slut tied to a chair in a room full of bad guys.

The intro cuts out and then it’s just me and Alyssa in the room together alone. I cut the zip tie holding her hands together and she immediately gets to work sucking my cock. She keeps talking about how it’s got the cure to a virus inside it, but honestly, it seems like she just really likes the flavor of the thing.

VRCosplayX does a really good job setting the stage. The set and the lighting really make you feel like you’re in some isolated warehouse doing some nefarious secret shit. The 3D audio is ridiculous and immersive; I love the way her slurps and heavy breathing echoed through the cavernous place.

How to Ejaculate in Mere Seconds

I always wonder how The Porn Dude manages to jerk off to so much porn all the time. I take a shit ton of male enhancement supplements, but I always pop so quick and have to wait hours for a recharge. I feel like The Porn Dude is always ready to rock ‘n’ roll, goes hard and fast for a long time and is ready for another one a few minutes later. After 12 seconds of virtual Alyssa touching me, I exploded in my pants and had to take the rest of the day off.

I strapped on my VR goggles when I woke up this morning and went right back into the scene. Alyssa and I went to a different part of this warehouse where she polished my knob some more with her mouth before climbing on top of me. It’s VR scenes like this that make me wonder if I should finally try to lose some weight. There’s no way she could straddle me like that without doing the full splits and sinking deep into my soft, gelatinous rolls.

When she says, “Fuck, your cock is so big!” I lost control again and spermed all over my mom’s kitchen tablecloth. Good thing it’s vinyl. I think the compliment from Alyssa really got to me because I’m sure that’s the kind of thing The Porn Dude hears all the time. Oh, be still my beating heart!

Again, I find myself stuck in that sad place where I’d really like to masturbate but simply cannot get it up again. Instead, I spent the rest of the day filling up my SD card with VR sex parodies of Bullet Witch, Final Fantasy, and Lord of the Rings. That last one features Jennifer White in a pair of elf ears and beats the hell out of role-playing the sex scenes when you’re playing D&D with a bunch of your neckbeard buddies.

My mom has been yelling down the stairs at me to clean the kitty litter since the entire place smells like cat piss, but I’m still pretty busy downloading movies from VRCosplayX. This site is a true godsend for horny nerds everywhere. You get a weekly VR flick based on movies and video games you already jerk off to, only its actual hardcore porno! I can’t believe this is cheaper than a typical paysite. Let mom yell and let the place stink. I’ll be hammering a gender-swapped Bowser and jizzing all over her giant tits.