uEscort

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I have begun to come to terms with the fact that I will probably die a virgin. I know, it seems sad at first. It seems pathetic. But I am at peace with it. I am swiftly knocking down the door of 40. And I am definitely not getting any younger. If it was going to happen to me, I have a very strong feeling, it probably would have already. So, I am just about ready to give up. I have my ways. My coping mechanisms. It isn’t all that bad. It isn’t like I never get to cum. In fact, I probably cum more frequently and regularly than most guys who do get laid! You know why? Because it is entirely up to me. When I jizz is under my control and nobody else’s. That is a beautiful thing, honestly. Especially since I guarantee you that a lot of you guys out there reading this right now are in sexless marriages, where you, if you’re lucky, might get your wiener sucked on your birthday or maybe an anniversary. But as far as regularly getting is laid goes, I am sure that is a thing of the past. Obviously, I would like to have sex. If a woman, any woman, were to come up to me right now and offer to let me put my penis in her vagina, I 100% would say yes … Actually, on second thought, what if she laughs at my penis because it’s so small? What if she isn’t disgusted by my micropenis and, instead, once she lets me inside of her, begins to laugh when I inevitably bust my nut within a matter of seconds. Because, come on, let’s just be real … Nobody’s first time is impressive. And, what’s more, I tend to bust my load within like 2 minutes, tops, anyway when I’m just masturbating to porn. So, I know for a fact I would embarrass myself. But it isn’t for lack of trying. I hump my body pillow/girlfriend, Suki, almost every night. And I have been doing so for the last 15 years or so. You’d think I would be better at this by now. Better at not prematurely ejaculating, that is. But no … I don’t know why, I seem incapable of improvement in this department. It’s even worse when I screw my sex doll, Dolly, with whom I sometimes (regrettably) cheat on Suki. But, Jesus, she is just too hot to say no to. When we bang, I’m usually done in under 30 seconds. It’s a real problem … one that will, even if the impossible became possible and a girl wanted to have sex with me, most likely keep me from ever losing my V Card. Oh well, at least there’s porn … right? I have given some thought into ordering an escort. Just to get it out of the way. Just to be able to say that I am not a virgin, that I have had the sex before. It seems like that would be the only chance I would ever have at making it happen. It also would be a little less embarrassing, assuming that the girl whose time I purchase is a true professional … she probably wouldn’t laugh at me, at least not to my face … I’m sure she has seen all sorts of stuff in her day. But my anxiety has not let me go through with this yet. I have a panic attack, still, at the mere thought. If only I could be as confident as my hero, The Porn Dude, who inspired me to start writing porn site reviews. I saw what he was doing one day and said to myself, ‘wow, that is the dream … I have to copy everything this guy does … maybe if I do, I’ll be cool enough one day to actually have sex with a girl.’ That day hasn’t come, it’s true, but I am beyond grateful for having discovered his work, because it has given me the courage to pursue my dream job: also writing porn site reviews. I bet The Porn Dude screws escorts all the time … actually, no, he probably doesn’t need to order escorts. I bet he just pulls in girls who want to bang him for free all the time. The lucky duck!

The Sexless Escort Expert

Just because I have never gone through with it doesn’t mean that I don’t regularly check out escort sites. The thought crosses my mind every day … so, I am very well versed with what makes a good escort site, and what makes an escort site not worth the blood it could send to your wiener. Today, the escort site that we will be taking a look at is called U Escort. And if you live in England, I think you are in for quite a treat. U Escort is one of the most professional looking escort ad sites I have ever seen. It is certainly a huge step up from Craigslist or Backpage or any of those other back alley prostitute sites that you may have stumbled upon in one of your many thirst quests. No, U Escort is different. It clearly caters to a classier demographic. A discerning gentleman, not just any street urchin with a wiener and a couple of hundred bucks. The girls on U Escort are truly top-notch. I am talking about the kind of girls a senator would risk his whole career over. These are stunning, beautiful women with perfect bodies, sophistication, and good sense of style. These girls probably have degrees (yet still chose to go into the line of sex work … presumably out of their passion for it). The kinds of girls that could make excellent dinner guests to impress your friends and then blow you to kingdom come under the table too. Clearly the cream of the crop of all the United Kingdom.

Extremely Professional (Presentation and Ladies)

From the moment you arrive on U Escort’s home page, it will become abundantly clear that this site is not your run of the mill Backpage escort index with every streetwalking hoe and her sister posting for company. This site is designed very well. Better than most porn sites, in fact. At the top of the page, you’ll find U Escort’s sleek logo. Below that, a comprehensive and easy to navigate site menu bar, making browsing as easy as busting a nut. Here, you can click on one of the following: New, Girls, Agencies, Males, Trans / TV, VIP, City Tours, or Contact / Admin. Below that, you have even more options for browsing the site. Either search a girl’s name or city into the search bar. Or you can click on Top 10 Escorts, Members, Comments, Escort Updates, News, or Videos. I like how organized this site is. The fact that you can browse escorts by profile video is an uncommon feature on a site like this, but a welcomed one nonetheless. Keep scrolling down the page to find even more surprises and great examples of awesome site design. Next, you’ll find a list of all available cities (with a headcount of how many escorts are available in each). Just to give you an idea of the scope of the site, London (clearly the biggest city) has 870 escort ads; whereas an area like Belfast only has 10. So, if you’re in London, you’re certainly in luck. However, I have a feeling that even you Belfast blokes will want to travel for some of these girls once you lay your eyes on them.

Accountability in Check

Another thing that sets U Escort apart from other escort index sites is the fact that you can vote on peoples’ services. That means that U Escort is not only an escort ad site on which you can contact and see pics of sexy ladies to spend some quality time with, it is also an escort review site. Which is surprisingly rare when it comes to these kinds of sites … at least that you would be able to vote on girls and leave reviews, completely free of charge. One common pitfall of sites like this is that they do not have strict enough requirements when it comes to what posters are required to include on their profiles. However, U Escort does not seem to have this problem. In fact, everything you could want to know is listed on just about (as far as I can tell) every escort’s profile: Name, contact, bio, measurements, plenty of pics, often a video even. The only thing that I can’t seem to find on many profiles is price. It would be convenient to have it listed, but, hey, I also understand that lots of people want to be discrete about stuff like that, so I am willing to overlook it. All in all, U Escort is one of the best escort ad sites I have ever seen. It’s making me consider a trip to London just to lose my V Card … We’ll see!