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MassageRepublic! I’ve been meditating and growing my inner chi during the Coronavirus. As a result, I am now able to telepathically praise females from beyond the grave! At first, this freaked me out after I physically tipped my fedora to one of mother’s long-dead friends and she immediately responded. She asked me to telepathically slide a…oh friends, I don’t know if I can repeat the words! When I put a psychic shield around me, mother’s friend called me a little faggot and told me to get laid. At first, I ignored her requests, thinking she’s some old hussy that needs to learn a thing or three from a powerful white knight like myself. But then she appeared to me in a dream, and friends her ghost mouth wrapped around my tiny penis, and it felt heavenly! She told me if I didn’t get laid by the Summer by pee-pee would rot off; in a vision, she proved that this was true. That’s why I strolled over to Massage Republic.com so I could experience this sensation people call orgasming. I could not believe the beautiful women that were offering to be sexual as casually as buying a leg of lamb from the butcher mother is still fucking, and I knew that with a little luck and my cunning stealth skills I could steal mother’s debit card and finally find out why men love sex so much. Plus, my penis would not fall off so it was a win-win!

Tons of cities and countries represented

I was so nervous when I logged onto Massage Republic for the first time that I almost started crying. Then I created a shrine to ThePornDude to give me strength, and it was as if he psychically binded with me for a moment and gave me the strength to sit back at my desk and even think about the possibility of getting my pee-pee sucked. I kept my eyes open and browsed the site, trying to find the perfect female to take my virginity! Finding the location I wanted to visit could not have been easier. I gave the site my location, and from there, it showed me the closest escorts in my area. Even if you do not live in a populated area, don’t think that Massage Republic is out of your reach (unless you live in the United States – more on that later). You will always see the closest escorts to your residence, even if it’s a few miles away or you live in the middle of nowhere and have to travel by bus, then by ox, and walk the rest of the way.

No bullshit when it comes to browsing escorts

Forgive me, mother, for using such a dirty word, but I have to express my gratitude to Massage Republic.com for making the process of searching for an escort so seamless. I was more nervous than a Chad having to use his brain for once, but after getting the strength from ThePornDude and seeing how easy it is actually to browse and find an escort on the site, I was no longer nervous and knew that I was going to be able to go through with the process! After giving the site my location and browsing the escorts closest to me, it became apparent that there is a ton of information about the escort on Massage Republic.com! When you browse for escorts on your own (if you feel as nervous as I did and need a friend to hold your hand telepathically, I am here for you), the first thing you will notice are the averages about escorts in your area. There was information regarding how many verified photos were in my city, the most popular services, the price range, the average cost, and which nearby areas had escorts. Once I had figured out how much cash I needed to swipe from mother’s liquor cabinet, I knew it was time to start looking for the perfect beauty. I scrolled down further to search for her and noticed that each escort has a thumbnail, (with a check beside their name if their images are verified), name, and a short byline about them to entice you to click and read more. If you do indeed choose More, you will see their full biography with additional images. Keep in mind that all profiles are different and contain different types of information. However, most escorts are going to have similar information, especially since it’s prudent to people deciding on which escorts they want to contact. Expect to find information about their services, incall/outcall rates (or if they offer both or one or the other), and other information such as sexual orientation, age, bust size, shaved type, hair color, and so on. The more detailed the better, and most profiles thankfully provide a decent amount of information to let you know all about them. It allows them to attract better clients, so it's a win-win across the board. If you want even more options for finding the right escort on Massage Republic, I urge you to go to the top of the homepage and get familiar with the additional searching options. There are options for choosing between a female, male, or shemale escort along with your preferred city, currency, price, and services. Clicking the plus sign brings up a ton of extra options to choose from, such as bust size, escorts only with reviews, ethnicity, etc. If you want to fine-tune and find the perfect escort for you, Massage Republic.com makes it happen with ease!

Easy to reach out to escorts

For me, the perfect escort has to have a giant rack. I don’t say that because mother has giant knockers, but being able to lie on them like fluffy pillows once the ejaculation has occurred is mandatory. I finally found a beautiful escort that had breasts similar to mother’s chest, and after scrolling up and down her profile page I finally found the courage to reach out to her. I saw contact options at the top of her profile, and immediately vomited when I began typing the message. But after speaking to her telepathically and hearing from her that I wasn’t being a disrespectful Chad for thinking sexual thoughts, I reached out to her once again. She acted like she had never heard from me before, confused that I mentioned our conversation a few moments ago. The escort was being coy to tease me I assumed. I wrote and sent a message directly through Massage Republic, though the site also gives you the option to contact by phone (mention you saw the number on Massage Republic) and message. In this area, you can also look at their website (if they have one) ask a question (if you have an inquiry about a particular service), or write a review if you have visited them before. Be sure to read the profile completely before reaching out to anyone. Some escorts may have a preferable way to be contacted despite having more than one method for contact. You have to applaud Massage Republic.com for giving escorts and clients alike the means to contact so easily. It allows people to stay safe, makes the process of finding an escort simple, and you’re never racking your brain wondering if you are talking to an actual angel or a Chad that beats off to humiliating sensitive white knights like myself!

No cities available in the United States

I finally found an escort, successfully stole some cash from mother, and met up with her inside her home. I pulled down my pants and closed my eyes, and before I knew it an insane, goo had escaped from my penis. She looked at me in amazement, saying she had never had someone finish so quickly. I tipped my fedora and told her that’s because I strive to be the best man I can be and told her I’m glad she was as satisfied as I was. Maybe she didn’t believe that a male can be this caring, because she looked confused through the whole thing. The only thing I could think about as I walked home wondering what all the fuss with orgasming was about is that people from the United States cannot use Massage Republic. This could be because the United States is a miserable shit hole (forgive me mother!) that has a ban on prostitution save for Las Vegas since it’s originally an alien planet anyway. Massage Republic.com is smart to bypass an eventual problem altogether and only cater to countries with legalized prostitution.

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Massage Republic.com takes the guesswork out of finding the right escort for your mood. Unfortunately for those in the United States, Massage Republic does not provide listings for Americans so they will have to go elsewhere.