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Jules Jordan
I spend every single day of my life alone, save for the few minutes a day I have to listen to my mom complain about how I threw my cumsock in the hamper again, instead of buffing it out in the sink beforehand. Thanks to this, I got a lot of free time on my hands that I like to spend browsing the web. And what do I browse for? Porn, usually. There’s the odd video game here and there, but for the most part, I’m a one pump chump who likes to pump it twelve times a day, or until it starts to bruise. And sometimes the bruises don’t even stop me.
It’s no wonder then that I’ve got a ton of porn subscriptions to keep me busy and erect for as long as humanly possible. It takes me roughly five minutes to jack off, and another thirty-five to reload, so if you crunch the numbers, and add 8 hours of sleep to the mix, it’s entirely feasible that I jack off, at least a good six or seven times a day. Those are the kind of record-breaking numbers that would beat out ThePornDude. Then again, that guy actually takes time out of his day to pound real human pussy, so it’s an unfair handicap, but what can I say – I’m alone and I hate it, so I dig into the porn.
Between all my porn subscriptions you’ll find a lot of niche stuff, a ton of Asian specific content, and a few gold nuggets here and there. JulesJordan is probably up there in my top three, as one of those porn sites that go above and beyond when it comes to filming smut for lonely losers like myself.
A Boy with a Dream
Jules Jordan started out as an average dude, much like myself. He grew up pretty poor, and he had never met his father. In fact, the similarities between him and me are terrifying. Unlike me, however, he has a really big set of testicles between his legs, both literally and metaphorically. When he was young and working as a clerk at an adult video store he decided that he wanted to break into the porn industry, both as a star and an entrepreneur. It’s every boy’s dream, so it’s an absolute wonder that he managed to succeed. At first, he started by shooting scenes by himself, in full amateur style, with any models that he could find. His big break began when he met Frank Kay, owner of International Video Distributors, who gave him a chance to record his own smut. His first major success was a movie titled Live Bait, all the way back in 1998. A year later he moved to LA to focus on porn production full time, and the rest is history.JulesJordan in 2019
Fast forward to 2019 and Jules Jordan is an absolute legend in the industry, revered by everyone who’s so much as stroked their cock to pussy on film. All of the absolute best triple-A pornstars are bending over backwards to work for him, and all the porn award shows know in advance that they’re gonna have to give him the gold, even before the voting starts. The man’s got dozens of awards for best in just about every category between studios, releases, and best films. He is to porn production what ThePornDude is to porn reviews. Jules Jordan’s main passion is gonzo pornography. For those of you with your dunce caps on, that means that he puts you in the scene and that usually means that the video is going to be shot from the point of view of the guy getting it on. That’s not always the case, but either way, you know that in a Jules Jordan video you’re going to feel taken care of by the hottest girls in the universe.The Hot Ass Roster
I mentioned that the hottest bitches in porn are dying to be fucked in Jules Jordan productions, and I gotta back my claim up with some name dropping. The second you land on the website you’re greeted with familiar wet pussies such as those of Riley Reid, Lana Rhoades, Abella Danger and hundreds of other legends that you must have seen before on other sites. Unfortunately for you if you’ve got empty pockets though, on other sites you only get previews of the amazing shit that these girls do on Jules’s site. Sure, you’ve seen Riley Reid take it up the ass before, but have you seen Abella Danger sucking the cum out of her ass then swapping it back and forth while they kiss each other passionately in mind-blowing 4K? You’ll see a lot of that on JulesJordan. This site is like the holy temple of triple-A porn. It’s no holds barred, there is no niche-specific action. Everything must go, and these girls do not hold back.The Kinds of Porn
Jules is a man who understands that porn lovers appreciate every and any part of a woman’s body, and every sexual act that she can perform. That’s why you’re not gonna find one common thread across the genres on the site, except for the gonzo element. In one video you’ll see a couple of lesbians violently spanking each other, then eating out each other’s asses, in another there’ll be a black guy with a 20-inch monster taking a small pale nubile until she cries. There’s old guy on young girl action, one on one romantic sessions and even hardcore gangbangs of all combinations you could possibly think of. On top of that, there’s no discrimination in the roster either. Sure, the top 3-4 legends on the site are white girls, but that’s just a matter of popularity. Jules employs every single pornstar who’s willing to show that she’s the horniest bitch on the block. There are tons of girls from all ethnic backgrounds and ages, though the old girls are obviously not older than 40 – because that would be a bit much, wouldn’t it. I don’t wanna be thinking about my mom when I’m jacking it.The Website
It’s very similar to other triple-A websites that you might be familiar with, with some originality sprinkled in here and there. First of all, there’s a huge focus on the actual pornstars, right off the bat with the home page. They’re really proud of their A-listers, so they feature them everywhere they can. They really want you to connect to the girls. The scenes themselves sort of take a backseat to the names. I think that’s because the girls are a lot more famous than the actual movies that are produced. Reading “Asian Teen Slut Puppy” is less interesting than seeing that it’s actually “Vina Sky” in the video, so that’s why the name always comes first. I like this approach because it lets me get lost in the fantasy of actually fucking one of these girls in real life. I’m fully aware that this wouldn’t happen, not just because I’m a pimple-faced basement dweller, but also because most of these girls have done hardcore anal penetration with guys that have dicks five times my size. Fucking one of them would probably be like throwing a sausage down an alleyway. The website obviously doesn’t have any ads – it is a paid site after all. And there’s no cross-network marketing, which I really like, because it makes the site a one-stop-shop for all the porn you might need. You don’t get bounced around; everything is in one place. The videos are all streamable and downloadable, and most of them are available in 4K. I might be wrong, but from what I saw, all the new videos are being produced in 4K pretty much across the board. It is a bit sad however that you can’t download the videos in 4K – those are reserved for streaming only, probably because allowing 4K downloads would choke their servers tighter than I choke my 2-incher when I’m on the site. One issue that I did have with the site that really surprised me was that they didn’t really have enough bandwidth to allow me to stream in 4K. My crappy old CRT couldn’t even display that resolution but I wanted to see if it would work well, for your benefit. Either way, the site was a bit laggy for me, but maybe it was just having a bad day – maybe a lot of people got home from work at that time and hopped onto the site for some afternoon delight. You never know. Either way, that’s a small gripe, and the website still remains a hard contender for the best porn site on the web. I warmly recommend that you choke your chicken on Jules Jordan, and I guarantee you’re gonna have a great time.- Models. They’re all triple-A goddesses.
- Quality. 4K is no joke.
- Price. $12/mo billed annually is the perfect price for the best of the best.
- Can’t download 4K vids. I hope they change this.
- Site’s a bit slow sometimes, but not a deal breaker.
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