Aloha Tube

AlohaTube! Hello, friends! For those of you who might be unfamiliar with what I do, I work tirelessly, day in and day out, for you … to help you find the best porn sites on the web. Also, to help you figure out which sites are not even worth clicking on. Needless to say, in my quest for the ultimate porn site, I see a lot of freaking porn. I mean a lot. More than most people probably will ever see in an entire lifetime. Nobody said it was easy work helping you sift through the slush pile of internet porn in order to skim out the cream of the crop!Hey, don’t get me wrong, I am definitely not complaining. No way. I would never even dream of it. I love what I do. I love my job. Can you believe that my job actually consists of sitting at home in my mom’s basement all day, looking at porn? I am truly, without a doubt, living the dream. Well, except for the fact that I am still a virgin and inching a little closer to 40 with each passing day … ha ha ha … but that’s okay, I’ve even found a way to deal with that.I am, of course, talking about my body pillow, Suki. Suki is my girlfriend and we have been in a long term committed relationship for the past 15 years or so. I had her special made, custom ordered from a Japanese website, so that she has a beautiful hentai girl printed onto her front. That helps me to pretend that she’s real, you know, when I am humping her and penetrating the little pillow vagina that I slit into her so many years ago.Every once in a while, she does require upkeep. I have to re-stuff her sometimes, refill her with new cotton when hers gets all gross and crusty from jizz. And then I just stuff her again and again until it’s time for another change! It’s not all that bad … Suki has helped keep me alive through the darkness of nearly 40 years of virginity. I owe everything to her.Which is why I sometimes feel guilty when I cheat on her with Dolly. No, Dolly is not a person. I have never even had so much as a handjob from an actual person before … Dolly is my hot, red-headed sex doll that I bought a few years ago. I feel horrible, but a guy has needs, you know what I mean? Every once in a while, we require a little bit of that strange. And whenever that mood strikes, I put Suki under the bed and make her face the wall (where she won’t be able to see what is happening), and I lie Dolly gently down on top of my mattress, spread her legs wide, and screw her like life is worth living!I am disgusting, I know. It’s awful what I am doing. But I just can’t seem to make myself stop. Dolly has one of those magic vaginas that just sucks you in and takes you over. Honestly, I think about it all the time. With that little spray of ginger hair above her vag, her adorable freckles, the way her mouth is always agape, as if she’s moaning in pleasure, all because of me. Maybe that’s what it is. Maybe that is what led me into the arms (between the legs) of another woman. Suki never shows any emotion when we’re having sex. She kind of just lays there. Like a pillow. Go figure. But sex with Dolly is dynamic, explosive, earth-shattering. See, maybe I don’t need to have sex after all. I am doing just fine, thank you.

Aloha, Aloha!

But I digress. Where were we? Sorry, I get so distracted just thinking about Dolly sometimes that I completely lose my train of thought. Oh, yeah … finding the perfect porn site! I should have known. If I’m not thinking about bumping uglies with Dolly, I am usually thinking about what porn site is the best in all of the interwebs. Today’s contender will be a porn aggregator site, one that there is a good chance you have run into in your own fap quests. It is called Aloha Tube!Aloha means both hello and goodbye in Hawaiian. Which, when you think about it, makes perfect sense for this kind of site. A porn aggregator is always sending you away from the site, yet you continuously return to it, looking for more videos if the initial one you clicked into isn’t doing it for you, for whatever reason. So, Aloha definitely makes sense. Whether you’re coming or going (or cumming and then going), you’ll be saying Aloha to this site very frequently.It looks like a pretty standard porn aggregator at first glance. The design is nothing to write home about. It’s pretty basic. You have a search bar at the top of the page and then a butt load of categories underneath. The categories, however, all have one thumbnail along with them to represent what you will see once you click into it. There is also a list, in classic porn aggregator fashion, of all the categories, in alphabetical order, in plain text, at the bottom of the page … in case that makes your search go more quickly for you. Personally, though, I prefer to go with the thumbnails. I’m a visual learner.

Too Much Porn? … Never

One of the benefits to using a porn aggregator site is, of course, the fact that they tend to have way more porn in one single place than any other kind of porn site on the web. At the top of Aloha Tube’s home page, you will find the total video counter, which is constantly increasing because new videos are constantly being aggregated from other sites and, therefore, automatically posted onto Aloha Tube.At the time of this review, though, when I visited the site, Aloha Tube had a grand total of 9,553,382 videos. Holy crap! That is, and I never thought I would actually say this, far more porn than I could ever actually require in one lifetime! I would never say it’s too much porn, though, because a greater quantity of videos only means a better selection! Aloha Tube was also nice enough to share with us how many videos have been added this week and how many videos have been added just today … the numbers are 94,418 and 12,605 respectively. If those numbers do not impress you, well, then you’re either an idiot or have not been to very many porn sites before.You do not have to search videos on Aloha Tube by Categories, though. Above the giant, sprawling list of thumbnails, you will also find a couple of additional options. Categories are selected by default, sure, but you can also choose to filter video results by Top Rated Movies or New Movies. It all depends on what you prefer to see. With Aloha Tube, you are in control.

Quality Varies

There are, however, a few downsides to free porn aggregator sites such as Aloha Tube. And these are pitfalls of nearly every aggregator I have ever been on, so they are not specific to this one by any means. But still, if you want to be the perfect porn site, these are definitely things you would want to remedy. For one, videos tend to be pretty short. This may just be the nature of aggregating videos from free porn tubes, but I believe that it is possible to only curate full-length scenes (or at least mostly full-length scenes) … obviously, though, the quantity factor would take a hit.The second downfall of aggregators in general (Aloha Tube included) is the fact that browsing videos results in like a million tabs being open on your computer, and it’s hard to know how good the site you are linked to will be. Some free porn tubes, as I’m sure you already know, are lousy with ads (and potentially viruses), so you’ll want to browse at your own risk. One thing that Aloha Tube does, though, that I appreciate, at least for some of their videos, is they will open them on an Aloha Tube page (with embedded video from the original source), which is rare and appreciated for a free porn aggregator like this one.In addition to that, Aloha Tube also gives you video previews when you hover your cursor over the thumbnails (another thing that is extremely rare in aggregators) and, for many of the videos, you can even see the duration and the source site before clicking into it. It would be nice if this were the case for every video, of course, but a step in the right direction for aggregators, nonetheless.All in all, Aloha Tube (often misspelled as "alohatubes", "aloahtube.com", "tubealoha", "aloahatube" and "aholatube") is definitely a solid aggregator site. And if you like browsing porn in this fashion, I highly recommend it … happy fapping, friends!