I want to stream free (full-length) 720p/1080p/4K HD porn videos & movies on the best porn tubes online!
Yeah. I feel you, man. I blew all my allowance this month on a few huge jugs of nacho cheese product and some original Pokémon Scat hentai, so I wasn’t able to sign up for the premium Asian blowjob site I’ve been eyeballing. Not to mention, my mom keeps threatening to change the Wi-Fi password if I don’t clean up my pile of semen socks. She’s done it before, and if that happens, I’m going to be jerking off on the McDonald’s Wi-Fi again. They always give me the bum’s rush if I don’t at least buy a dozen cheeseburgers as a light snack, leaving nothing left to buy porn movies.
I made this list of free porn tubes, so I’d never be stuck lusting after paysite samples I couldn’t afford. These sites will let you stream and download as much Ebony titty fucking and teenage anal cherry popping movies as your libido can handle. I’ve been practicing a lot, and I can finally jerk off for a full 14 seconds before blowing my load all over the keyboard. What’s your record?
I only visit PornHub, xHamster, XNXX or XVideos. Why would I want to see new porn sites, PornGeek?
Do you ever hear that expression, “Variety is the spice of life”? My mom is always giving me shit about how I never try anything new, but I’ve been living under her roof for 40 years, and I guess she still doesn’t know me. I just bought my girlfriend a new wig so we can role-play in the sack. It’s a little tough putting fake hair on an anime princess body pillow, but it’s worth it for that change of pace.
The same thing could be said about hardcore pornography. Sure, you’ll see a lot of the same videos on a lot of different sites, but the better sites always have some good shit you’ve never seen anywhere else. A lot of these free tubes have rich amateur sections full of active members uploading their own basement bukkake and garage gaping. Some tubes have categories you won’t find on other tubes, like incest or hentai.
Not to mention, some of these guys are always playing a cat-and-mouse game with Google and the advertisers. You never know when one tube is going to get all blown up with spam, shut down, or straight-up go to shit. You may be selling yourself short on a spam site if you never venture out into the world of sex tubes. Mama makes a similar argument about how I should leave the house from time to time or permanently, but the glory of Internet pornography is that you don’t have to go anywhere!
How can I trust your porn list? You’re probably bribed by shitty porn sites with viruses, unlike PornDude!
Come on now. I know I fail to measure up to The Porn Dude in so many ways, like how he has a huge monster cock, and I have a 2-inch micropenis, but there are certain ways that I can live up to the incredibly high standards he sets for humanity. For example, I know the tubes on my list are safe to shake your dick at without worrying about your computer getting gonorrhea or somebody stealing your identity.
How do I know they are safe? It’s because I always read The Porn Dude’s reviews before I do my own. Some might say that’s ripping off his style, but I think of it as doing my homework. If he says it safe, I know must be.
Can I watch 100 % free full-length premium pornography without annoying advertisements?
There is a trade-off a lot of the time when you’re cranking of the old shaft to free Internet porn. I always have my spam blocker running, but I usually get a few ads whenever I’m surfing the free tubes. It seems like it gets even worse if I’m watching full-length flicks, like the 30-minute interracial poolside gang bang I watched earlier today. The tubes that have better stuff to offer, like full-length scenes from the paysites, know that your cheap ass is willing to sit through more bullshit to watch the movies. If you’re not going to bust out your wallet, you don’t have much choice.
If a site is really fucking lousy with the spam, I will let you know in my review. Dig in there if you want the breakdown of which sites have the full-length stuff, and which sites are just minefields of dick pill ads.
Are these free sex tubes virus-free and 100 % safe?
The free tubes themselves are, yeah. Pornhub isn’t going to destroy their empire by forcing you to download ransomware, stealing your identity and credit card number, and giving you a bad case of syphilis. It’s just not how the business model works.
The advertisers, though, are another story. The spam on bigger tubes is pretty safe stuff, mostly advertisements for penile enhancement and “free” WebCam shows. Go a little further down my list, and some of the tubes get a little shadier. Sites that feature longer premium stuff often give you pop-ups claiming to be official Windows updates for telling you that your antivirus software is out of date. The next thing you know, some dude in China is impersonating you and spending all the money in your bank account.
The phishing attempts are usually pretty fucking blatant. If you’re even the least bit Internet savvy, you probably always wonder who falls for the shit. Well, it are usually retarded people and the elderly. Use a spam blocker and avoid shady links, and don’t ever download anything a pop-up tells you to. It’ll probably be a CrytoLocker ransomware virus or some bullshit.
What’s a CryptoLocker ransomware porn virus?
I actually learned this the hard way when I tried to download a gender-swapped Super Mario Brothers anime where Bowser rapes Mario and Luigi. I ended up with this nasty piece of software that demanded I steal my mom’s credit card from her wallet, use it to buy bitcoins, and then anonymously send them to some evil hacker’s digital wallet. Until I sent the money, the ransomware CryptoLocker virus locked me out of all my personal information, including the photos I took of my micropenis and my extensive collection of Nintendo-themed fisting hentai. It was a costly lesson, at least for mama.
PornGeek, your porn directory is basically a clone of ThePornDude! You’re a fucking lazy piece of shit!
You say po-tay-to, I say po-tah-to. My mom says dil-do, because her old cooter is so blown out she needs to stuff a big, warty tuber up the thing to feel any pleasure at all. Whatever. You call it a ripoff, I call this site an homage to the incredible work The Porn Dude does for smut fans the world over.
I’ve been studying these free porn tubes as I do my daily forearm exercises, and I’m convinced that if I try hard enough, it will lead to me finally losing my virginity. If these sites are good enough for The Porn Dude, they are certainly good enough for a guy who aspires to be just like him one day. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some high-def, free lesbian tribbing movies to stream.
